郁闭度-kt
Unit 8
The Discus Thrower
Richard
Selzer
1 I spy on my patients. Ought
not a doctor to observe his patients by
any
means and from any stance that he might take for
the more fully
assemble evidence? So I stand
in the doorways of hospital rooms and gaze.
Oh, it is not all that furtive an act. Those
in bed need only look up to
discover me. But
they never do.
2 From the doorway of Room 542
the man in the bed seems deeply
tanned. Blue
eyes and close-cropped white hair give him the
appearance
of vigor and good health. But I
know that his skin is not brown from the
sun.
It is rusted, rather, in the last stage of
containing the vile repose
within. And the
blue eyes are frosted, looking inward like the
windows of a
snowbound cottage. This man is
blind. This man is also legless ― the right
leg missing from midthigh down, the left from
just below the knee. It gives
him the look of
a bonsai, roots and branches pruned into the
dwarfed
facsimile of a great tree.
3
Propped on pillows, he cups his right thigh in
both hands. Now and
then he shakes his head as
though acknowledging the intensity of his
suffering. In all of this he makes no sound.
Is he mute as well as blind?
4 The room
in which he dwells is empty of all possessions ―
no get-well
cards, small, private caches of
food, day-old flowers, slippers, all the usual
kickshaws of the sick room. There is only the
bed, a chair, a nightstand,
and a tray on
wheels that can be swung across his lap for meals.
5 “What time is it?” he asks.
“Three
o’clock.”
“Morning or afternoon?”
“Afternoon.”
He is silent. There is
nothing else he wants to know.
“How are you?”
I say.
“Who are you?” he asks.
“It’s the
doctor. How do you feel?”
He does not answer
right away.
“Feel?” he says.
“I
hope you feel better,” I say.
I press the
button at the side of the bed.
“Down you go,”
I say.
“Yes, down,” he says.
6 He
falls back upon the bed awkwardly. His stumps,
unweighted by
legs and feet, rise in the air,
presenting themselves. I unwrap the
bandages
from the stumps, and begin to cut away the black
scabs and the
dead, glazed fat with scissors
and forceps. A shard of white bone comes
loose. I pick it away. I wash the wounds with
disinfectant and redress the
stumps. All this
while, he does not speak. What is he thinking
behind
those lids that do not blink? Is he
remembering a time when he was
whole? Does he
dream of feet? Or when his body was not a rotting
log?
7 He lies solid and inert. In spite
of everything, he remains impressive,
as
though he were a sailor standing athwart a
slanting deck.
“Anything more I can do for
you?” I ask.
For a long moment he is silent.
“Yes,” he says at last and without the least
irony. “You can bring me a
pair of shoes.”
In the corridor, the head nurse is waiting for
me.
“We have to do something about him,” she
says. “Every morning he
orders scrambled eggs
for breakfast, and, instead of eating them, he
picks up the plate and throws it against the
wall.”
“Throws his plate?”
“Nasty. That’s
what he is. No wonder his family doesn’t come to
visit.
They probably can’t stand him any more
than we can.”
She is waiting for me to do
something.
“Well?”
“We’ll see,” I say.
8 The next morning I am waiting in the
corridor when the kitchen
delivers his
breakfast. I watch the aide place the tray on the
stand and
swing it across his lap. She presses
the button to raise the head of the bed.
Then
she leaves.
9 In time the man reaches to
find the rim of the tray, then on to find
the
dome of the covered dish. He lifts off the cover
and places it on the
stand. He fingers
across the plate until he probes the eggs. He
lifts the
plate in both hands, sets it on the
palm of his right hand, centers it,
balances
it. He hefts it up and down slightly, getting the
feel on it.
Abruptly, he draws back his right
arm as far as he can.
10 There is the
crack of the plate breaking against the wall at
the foot of
his bed and the small wet sound of
the scrambled eggs dropping to the
floor.
11 And then he laughs. It is a sound you
have never heard. It is
something new under
the sun. It could cure cancer.
Out in the
corridor, the eyes of the head nurse narrow.
“Laughed, did he?”
She writes something
down on her clipboard.
12 A second aide
arrives, brings a second breakfast tray, puts it
on the
nightstand, out of his reach. She looks
over at me shaking her head and
making her
mouth go. I see that we are to be accomplices.
13 “I’ve got to feed you,” she says to
the man.
“Oh, no, you don’t,” the man says.
“Oh, yes, I do,” the aide says, “after the way
you just did. Nurse says
so.”
“Get me my
shoes,” the man says.
“Here’s the oatmeal,”
the aide says. “Open.” And she touches the
spoon to his lower lip.
“I ordered
scrambled eggs,” says the man.
“That’s right,”
the aide says.
I step forward.
“Is there
anything I can do?” I say.
“Who are you?” the
man asks.
14 In the evening I go once
more to that ward to make my rounds. The
head
nurse reports to me that Room 542 is deceased. She
has discovered
this by accident, she says. No,
there had been no sound. Nothing. It’s a
blessing, she says.
15 I go into his
room, a spy looking for secrets. He is still there
in his
bed. His face is relaxed, grave,
dignified. After a while, I turn to leave. My
gaze sweeps the wall at the foot of the bed,
and I see the place where it
has been
repeatedly washed, where the wall looks very clean
and white.
掷铁饼者
理查德·塞尔泽
1 我窥探
我的病人。为了更加全面地搜集例证，难道医生不应该用任何方法、
从任何位置观察病人吗？于是我站在
医院病房门口凝望。哦，这算不上太鬼鬼祟
祟的勾当。那些躺在床上的人只需抬头就可以发现我。但他们
从不抬头。
2 从542病房门口可以看到，躺在床上的男子肤色很深。蓝色的眼睛和剪得
很短的白发给人富有活力、健康良好的印象。但我知道，他的褐色皮肤并不是晒
太阳的缘故，而是机体
生锈衰退、体内糜烂污物沉积、病入膏肓的表现。他的蓝
眼睛雾蒙蒙的，看上去像被白雪覆盖的乡间小屋
的窗户。他是个盲人。而且他失
去了双腿——右腿是大腿中间以下缺失，左腿是膝盖以下。这让他看上去
像一个
盆景，仿佛树根和树枝都被修剪掉的微缩版的大树。
3 依靠枕头的支撑，他用双
手环抱着右大腿。他不时晃动脑袋来诉说他承受的
巨大痛苦。但他始终一声不吭。他看不见了，难道也哑
了？
4 他住的房间空空荡荡——没有祝愿康复的卡片，没有私藏的食物，没有放了
一些
时日的鲜花，也没有拖鞋，没有病房里经常看到的东西。只有病床、椅子、
床头柜和一个带轮子的可以转
到面前用来吃饭的托板。
5 “现在几点了？”他问道。
“3点。”
“凌晨还是下午？”
“下午。”
他沉默不语。他想知道的只有这些。
“您感觉怎样？”我问。
“你是谁？”他问。
“医生。您感觉怎样？”
他没有马上回答。
“感觉?”他说。
“我希望您感觉好些了。”我说。
我按了一下病床边上的按钮。
“您躺下来。”我说。
“是的，躺下来。”他说。
6 他笨拙地倒回到病床上。他的残肢失去了双腿与双脚的支撑，抬起在空中，
暴露无遗。
我把残肢上的绷带解开，开始用剪刀和镊子把黑色的硬皮和坏死凝滞
的脂肪剪掉。一段白色骨片即将脱落
，我把它去除掉。我用消毒液清洗伤口，将
残肢重新包扎起来。整个过程他默不作声。在那眨也不眨的眼
皮后面，他在想什
么呢？他在回忆四肢健全的时光吗？他在梦回拥有双足的往昔吗？或是
回想他
的身体不是现在这样一截日益凋朽的残干的过去吗？
7
他僵直地躺着。尽管如此，他仍然令人印象深刻，如同一名斜立在倾侧甲板
上的水手。
“我还能为您做点什么？”
他沉默了很长时间。
“是的，”终于他一本正经地说：“你给我拿双鞋过来吧。”
走廊里，护士长正等着我。 <
br>“我们对他不能束手无策。”她说，“每天早饭他都要求吃炒蛋，但是，他从
来不吃，拿起盘子就
砸在墙上。”
“砸盘子？”
“真讨厌。他就是这种人。难怪家里人不来看他。也许就像我们
受不了他一
样，他家里人也受不了。”
她等着我做点什么。
“你说呢？”
“我们看看该怎么办。”我说。
8 第二天早上厨房送餐时我等在走廊里。我看着助手将
盘子放在托板上，托板
移到他大腿上方。她按下按钮把床头升高，随后离开。
9 他很快
摸索着找到了托板的边缘，接着又找到了盘子上的盖子。他揭开盖子
把它放在托板上。他用手指在盘子上
摸索着，直到摸到了炒蛋。他双手端起盘子，
放到右手上，移到手心里，然后把它稳住。他上下掂着盘子
寻找感觉。突然，他
把右臂尽量绷直伸向后方。
10
盘子被扔到床脚处的墙上发出碎裂声，还有炒蛋掉落在地板上发出的湿湿的
轻响。
11
然后他笑了。这是你闻所未闻的笑声。这是阳光下新奇的声音。可以治愈癌
症的声音。
外面的走廊上，护士长的眼睛眯缝起来。
“他笑了，对吧？”
她往写字夹板上写了点什么。
12 第二名助手来了，用托盘送来第二份早饭，把它放在床
头柜上他够不着的地
方。她看着我摇摇头，只是动了动嘴唇。我明白我们得合作一下。
13
“我只好喂你了，”她对他说。
“哦，不，不用。”他说。
“哦，不，我得帮你。”助手说，“因为你刚才的表现。护士说得喂你。”
“把我鞋子拿来。”他说。
“这是燕麦，”助手说，“张嘴。”然后她把汤勺碰着他的下嘴唇。
“我要的是炒蛋。”他说。
“对。”助手说。
我凑上前去。
“我能做点什么吗？”我问。
“你是谁？”他问。
14 晚上我再次来到病房巡
视。护士长告诉我542房的病人过世了。她说她是
凑巧发现的。他悄无声息地走了。悄无声息。谢天谢
地，她说。
15 我走进他的病房，像一个寻找秘密的间谍。他还在那里，躺在床上。他面容
松弛、严肃而又不失尊严。过了一会儿，我转身离开。我的眼光扫到床尾墙脚处，
看到那里经过反复冲
洗，墙显得很干净、很洁白。