英语课前五分钟幽默1

1. are you going to treat me?
an american actress came to china for the first time. one day when she was looking
for her new chinese friend after a performance, she came across an anxious chinese
who had always wanted to practice his english with native speakers, but had never
found the chance. when he saw the actress, he went up and exchanged greetings, then
started his practice.
“how old are you?”
“i’m sorry. please don’t ask a lady about her age,” the actress said uneasily.
“how much do you earn each month?” the chinese tried hard to recall this sentence
from his textbook.
“sorry again. we don’t feel like telling others about that either, “ she again
refused to answer.
“have you had lunch?” the chinese tried again to show his traditional way of
greeting.
“no, are you planning to treat me to a meal?’ she asked in surprise.

你要请客吗？
有位美国女演员首次来中国演出，有一天演出结束后在找她的中国朋友时，碰见一位总
想与老外练讲英语的中国人，可惜他一直没有这样的机会。当看到这位女演员时，他走上前
去互相问候， 接着便练起英语来。
“你多大啦？”
“对不起，请不要问女士的年龄，”演员感到很不自在。

“你每月挣多少钱？”中国人极力回忆着教科书上的句子。
“对不起，我们也不愿意把这事告诉给人家。”她再次拒绝了对方。
“你吃过饭了吗？” 中国人再次用本民族的传方式询问对方。
“没有，你要请我吃饭吗？”她惊喜地问。
2. busy with appointments
two friends meet in the street when the following conversation takes place.
jane: “long time no see,what have you been doing these days?”
mary: “well, you know, i have so many appointments with my doctor these days.”
jane: “what’s wrong with you?”
mary: “nothing wrong with me physically. the doctor is my fiancée.”





忙于约会
两个朋友在街上见面后说了下面这段话。
珍妮：“最近没有见到您，忙什么呢？”
玛丽：“哦，您知道，我最近一直在忙着看医生。”

珍妮：“您患了什么病？”
玛丽：“我的身体没患任何病，医生是我未婚夫。”
3. more intelligent in dreams
when a student failed to solve a math problem in class, he expressed his regret
to his teacher.
“i remember solving the problem in my dream last night, but for the time being
i’ve forgotten it. what can that mean?”
“it means that you are more intelligent in dreams than when you are awake.”
the teacher explained.
梦中更聪明
一名没学生在班上没有做出老师的数学题，他感到很遗憾，对老师解释说；“我记得昨
天夜里做梦时这道题解对了，但现在一时想不起了。这说明什么？”
“这说明你做梦的时候比你醒着的时候更聪明。”

4. alone and lonely
william henry is a young american professor who has been teaching in a chinese
college for three years. he is popular among his students for his student for his
intelligence and patience. he also has several favorite students. among them is a
beautiful girl, the monitor of the class, who has left a deep impression on him
with her active class performance. after the last class before graduation, the girl
asked the young professor a question as she had done before.
“mr henry, would you tell me the difference between ‘alone’ and ‘lonely’?”

“well, ?let me explain this with my own example,” the young teacher started.
“i live alone. that means that i live by myself, without the company of others.
but i don’t feel lonely because i have so many students around me, especially you.
you’re special to me. so after your graduation please don’t leave me alone,
or i’ll feel lonely. catch the meaning now?”

孤独和孤单
威廉 亨利是一位年轻的美国教授，他在中国一所大学任教已有三年了，他知识渊博，
又耐心，深受学生欢迎。他还有几位得意门生呢。有一位漂亮的女班长课堂积极活跃而讨教
师欢心。在毕 业前的最后一节课上，这位女生又像往常一样提问题。
“先生，请您讲解一下‘alone’和 ‘lonely ’这两个英语单词的区分好吗？”
“噢，?让我用自身举例吧。我独自住，那就是说，我没跟其他人一起住。
但我并不感到孤单 ，因为我周围有这么多学生，特别是有你在。你是那么与众不同。因
此，毕业后，请不要让我独自一人， 否则我会感到孤单的，现在你能明白了吧”

5. be a little patient
a man suddenly found that he was shrinking. each day he was getting smaller and
smaller. very worried, he went to the doctor’s office. “i’ve got to see the doctor!”
the man demanded, frantically.
“he’s very busy,” the nurse calmly replied.
“just take a seat and be a little patient.”

小病人
一位男子突然发现自己越来越矮，他担忧地走进一家诊疗所。“我要见大夫！”他着
急地喊叫。
“他正忙着呢。”护士镇定地说。
“你就坐着当个小病人吧。（耐心地等吧）。”
（英文单词patient作名词时有“病人”的意思，而用形容词时有“耐心的”意思。）
星沙英语网

6. even better?
the other day i met my chinese friend mr. deng. he dad been studying english
in night school for about two years.
“how are you getting on with your english, deng?” i asked him.
“oh, quite well. sometimes i feel my english is better than my chinese,” he
articulated with pride.
“really?” i could not hold back my disbelief. “how do you know?”
“well, often when i speak english, i don’t know its chinese meaning.”

更 好?
几天前，我碰见我的中国朋友邓先生，他在夜校学习英语两年多了。
“你的英语学得怎么样了，邓？” 我问他。
“哦，不错，有时觉得我的英语比汉语还好，” 他很自豪地说。

“真的？” 我无法控制自己的怀疑态度，“你怎么知道？”
“噢，我讲英语时，经常不知道汉语是什么意思。”

7. pay special attention to the way the chinese speak english
an american student studying in chinese found it difficult to speak idiomatic
chinese. one day he asked his roommate who was also learning chinese.
“sometimes i have the same problem. but from my personal experience, i have
noticed that you would sound more chinese the way the chinese speak english. for
example, ‘i next year will from beijing languages institute graduate.’”
注意中国人讲英语的方式
一位美国留学生在中国学汉语。他发现汉语很难说得地道。 一天，他问同房间的也是
来中国学汉语的同学。
“有时我弄不清汉语中时间和地点状语在句中的位置。”
“哦，我也有同样的问题。但根据我的经验， 按中国人讲英语的方式讲汉语，你的汉语才能
讲得地道。比如，‘i next year will from beijing languages institute graduate’ (我
明年将从北京语言学院毕业)。”
8. a way to identify the twin
a week after giving birth to twin baby girls, the wife came back home from the
hospital. the husband frowned at the babies.
“they look exactly alike. i can’t tell which is which.”
the five-year-old son brightened up and said quickly to his father.

“i’ve a good idea. just give them different names and when they can talk, they
can tell you which is which.”

区别双胞胎的办法
妻子生了一对双胞胎，一周后从妇产医院回到家，丈夫看到双胞胎 皱起了眉头。“他们
看上去一模一样，我分不出哪个是哪个。”
5岁的儿子眨了眨他 那双明亮的眼睛迅速对父亲说：“我有个好主意，给她们起不同的
名字，等她们学会说话时，就能告诉你 她们是谁。”

9. coincidence
one day a four-year-old boy asked his parents.
“when and where were you born, dad?”
“i was born in 1968, in dalian, in the northeast of china.”
“when and where were you born, mum?”
“well, i was born in 1972, in shanghai, in the southeast of china.”
“then, when and where was i born?” “oh, you were born in 1997, in xi’an,
in the northwest of china.”
after a moment, the child said,“when and where did we three meet and come here
together？”

巧遇

一天， 一个4岁男孩问父母“爸，你何时何地出生？”
“我1968年出生在中国东北，大连。”
“妈，你何时何地出生？”
“我1972年出生在中国东南，上海。”
“那我何时何地出生？”
“你1997年出生于中国西北，西安。”
“那我们三人何时何地巧遇到一起？”

10. it’s three years old
in a chinese history class, a teacher asked a pupil,
“what happened in 1949 in chinese history?”
“it’s the year of the founding of the people’s republic of china,” the pupil
replied quickly.
“yes, you’re right. then, what happened in 1952?” the teacher asked again.
the pupil thought for a while and answered,
“well, in that year, the new china was three years old.”
3岁
在一次中国历史课上，老师问一名小学生：
“1949年中国历史上发生过什么重大事件？”
“中华人民共和国成立，”一名小学生迅速回答说。

“对。那么，1952年呢？”老师又问。学生想一会儿回答说：“哦，那一年中国3岁。”