经典幽默英语故事(30个)-(1)

经典幽默英语故事（50个）
要求：
1、每天阅读两篇小故事，写出故事大意，尽量理解故事里的幽默点。
2、在阅读故事的过程 中，遇到不认识的单词，先不要查字典。阅读
完小故事后，可以查一查文章里的词汇，并做一些笔记。
3、开学后，请把这14页的阅读素材，装订成册，上交给各班的英语
老师。老师会根据你的完 成情况，给你的阅读作业打出分数。
姓名：_________ 班级：_________ 学号：_________ 成绩：_________
第一篇
My First and My Last
When George was thirty-five, he bought a small plane and learned to
fly it. He soon became very good and made his plane do all kinds of
tricks.
George had a friend. His name was Mark. One day George offered to take
Mark up in his plane. Mark thought,
several times, but I've never been in a small one, so I'll go.
They went up, and George flew around for half an hour and did all
kinds of tricks in the air.
When they came down again, Mark was very glad to be back safely, and
he said to his friend in a shaking voice,
very much for those two trips in your plane.
Gerogy was very surprised and said,

故事大意：
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第二篇
First Flight
Mr. Johnson had never been up in an aerophane before and he had read a lot about air accidents,
so one day when a friend offered to take him for a ride in his own small phane, Mr. Johnson was

very worried about accepting. Finally, however, his friend persuaded him that it was very safe,
and Mr. Johnson boarded the plane.
His friend started the engine and began to taxi onto the runway of the airport. Mr. Johnson had
heard that the most dangerous part of a flight were the take-off and the landing, so he was
extremely frightened and closed his eyes.
After a minute or two he opened them again, looked out of the window of the plane, and said to
his friend,

故事大意：
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第三篇
A Nail Or A Fly?
An old gentleman whose eyesight was failing came to stay in a hotel room with a bottle of wine in
each hand. On the wall there was a fly which he took for a nail. So the moment he hung them on,
the bottles fell broken and the wine spilt all over the floor. When a waitress discovered what had
happened, she showed deep sympathy for him and decided to do him a favour.
So the next morning when he was out taking a walk in the roof garden, she hammered a nail
exactly where the fly had stayed.
Now the old man entered his room. The smell of the spilt wine reminded him of the accident.
When he looked up at the wall, he found the fly was there again! He walked to it carefully adn
slapped it with all his strength. On hearing a loud cry, the kind-hearted waitress rushed in. To her
great surprise, the poor old man was there sitting on the floor, his teeth clenched and his right hand
bleeding!
故事大意：
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第四篇
I'll See to the Rest
A guard was about to signal his train to start when he saw an attractive girl standing on
the platform by an open door, talking to another pretty girl inside the carriage.
on, miss!he shouted. the door, please!
I just want to kiss my sister goodbye,she called back.
just shut that door, please,called the guard, I'll see to the rest.
故事大意：
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第五篇
Chaude and Cold
A patron in Montreal cafe turned on a tap in the washroom and got scalded.
he complained.

Montreal.< br>

故事大意：
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第六篇
A Soldier's Brilliant Idea

Mr. Robinson had to travel somewhere on business, and as he was in a hurry, he decided to go by
air. He liked sitting beside a window when he was flying, so when he got on to the plane, he
looked for a window seat. He found all of them had already had been taken except for one. There
was a soldier sitting in the seat beside this one, and Mr. Robinson was surprised that he had not
taken the one by the window; but, anyhow, he at once went towards it.
When he reached it, however, he saw that there was a notice on it. It was written in ink and said,

unusual notice in a plane before, but he thought that the plane must be carrying something
particularly heavy in it, so he walked on and found another empty seat, not beside a window, to sit
in.
Two or three people tried to sit in the window seat beside the soldier, but they too read the notice
and went on, when the plane was nearly full, a very beautiful girl hurried into the plane. The
soldier, who was watching the passengers coming in, quickly took the notice off the seat beside
himself and in this way succeededin having the company of the girl during the whole trip.
故事大意：
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第七篇

New Discovery
A hillbilly was visiting the big city for the first time. Entering an office building, he saw a pudgy
older woman step into a small room. The doors closed, lights flashed, and after a while the door
slid open and a beautiful young model stepped off the elevator.
Blinking in amazement, the hillbilly drawled,
故事大意：
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第八篇
A Bad Impression
Six people were travelling in a compartment on a train. Five of them were quiet and well behaved,
but the sixth was a rude young man who was causing a lot of trouble to the other passengers.
At last this young man got out at a station with his two heavy bags. None of the other passengers
helped him, but one of them waited until the rude young man was very far away and then opened
the window and shouted to him,
the window again.
The young man truned around and hurried back with his two bags. He was very tired when he
arrived, but he shouted through the window,
As the train began to move again, the passenger who had called him back opened the window and
said,

故事大意 ：
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第九篇
Sleeping Pills

Bob was having trouble getting to sleep at night. He went to see his doctor, who prescrib
ed some extra-strong sleeping pills.
Sunday night Bob took the pills, slept well and was awake before he heard the alarm. He
took his time getting to the office, strolled in and said to his boss: didn't have a bit
of trouble getting up this morning.
fine,roared the boss, where were you Monday and Tuesday?
故事大意：
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第十篇
Creative

Applying for my first job, I realized I had to be creative in listing my few qualifications. Asked
about additional schooling and training, I answered truthfully that I had spent three years in
computer programming classes. I got the job.
I had neglected to mention that I took the same course for three years before I passed.
故事大意：
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第11篇
Reminder
In the veterinary office where I'm a technician, we mail out reminders when pets are due
for vaccinations. Bruno, a German shepherd, arrived for his annual rabies shot, and we
were required by state law to ask his owner if Bruno had bitten anyone in the last ten d
ays. yes, in fact that's why we're here,she replied. Surprised, I told her we assume
d they'd come in because of our reminder.
did,she explained. bit the mail carrier who was delivering your card.
故事大意：
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第12篇
Imitate Birds
A man tried to get a job in a stage show.



故事大意：
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第13篇
How Did You Ever Get Here
One winter morning, an employee explained why he had shown up for work 45 minutes late.
was so slippery out that for every step I took ahead, I slipped back two.
The boss eyed him suspiciously.

故事大意：
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第14篇
Three Surgeons

Three famous surgeons were bragging about their skills.
off,

on, and today that man is a marathon runner.

was nothing left but a horse's posterior - and a pair of glasses. Today that man is seated in United
States Sena te.
故事大意：
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第15篇
One Side of the Case

A judge asked our group of potential jurors whether anyone should be excused, and one man
raised his hand.



at a time.
故事大意：
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第16篇
A Smugglar

The suspicious- looking man drove up to the border, where he was greeted by a sentry. When the
guard looked in the trunk, he was surprised to find six sacks bulging at the seams.



Obliging, the man removed the bags, and sure enough, each one of them contained nothing but
dirt. Reluctantly, the guard let him go.
A week later the man came back, and once again, the sentry looked in the truck.


Not believing him, the guard checked the sacks and, once again, he found nothing but soil.
The same thing happened every week for six months, and it finally became so frustrating to the
guard that he quit and became a bartender. Then one night, the suspicious-looking fellow
happened to stop by for a drink. Hurrying over to him, the former guard said,
are on the house tonight if you'll do me a favor: Just tell me what the hell you were smuggling all
that time.
Grinning broadly, the man leaned close to the bartender's ear and whispered,
故事大意：
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第17篇
Early Shopper
It was Christmas and the judge was in a benevolent mood as he questioned the prisoner.
are you charged with?he asked.
my christmas shopping early,replied the defendant.
no offense,replied the judge, early were you doing this shopping?
the store opened,countered the prisoner.
故事大意：
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第18篇
Wings
The fried-chicken restaurant where I was working had a big rush just before closing one day,
leaving us with nothing to sell but wings. As I was about to lock the doors, aa quietly intoxicated
customer came in and ordered dinner. When I asked if wings would be all right, he leaned over the
counter and replied,
故事大意：
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第19篇
Keep the Change
Selling secondhand books at our church bazaar, I got into an argument with a prospective
customer. He was interested in buying The Pocket Book of Ogden Nash but claimed it was
overpriced at 35 cents. Other paperbacks were selling for ten or 15 cents each.
I pointed out that the book was in good condition. Nash was a fun poet, and it was for a good
cause. He said it was a matter of principle. Ultimately, I agreed to sell him the book for 15 cents.
Triumphant, he paid with a $$10 bill.
故事大意：
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第20篇
Three Whistles
I promised my girlfriend a gold necklace for her birthday, but when the jeweler quoted a
price for one we liked, I let out a long, low whistle. how much are they then?I

asked, pointing to another tray.
sir,replied the jeweler, three whistles.
故事大意：
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第21篇
Too Polite
A woman who frequented a small antique shop rarely purchase anything, but always foun
d fault with the merchandise and prices. The manager and her salesclerk took the woman'
s grumpy complaints in stride, but one day she went too far. is it I never manage
to get what I ask for in your shop?demanded the woman.
A smile on her face, the clerk calmly replied, it's because we're too polite.

故事大意：
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第22篇
Good Points and Bad Points

I'm honest, I'm goint to tell you about the disadvantage - there is a chemical plant one block south
and a slaughterhouse one block north.

good thing about it,said the agent, that you can always tell which way the wind is
blowing.
故事大意：
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第23篇

Camera
On our way to a wedding in Vermont, my husband and I realized we had forgotten our
camera. We stopped at a general store and, hoping to purchase a cheap, disposable model.
Sal asked the owner, you have any of those throwaway cameras?
fella,replied the owner, don't care what you do with it after you buy it.
故事大意：
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第24篇
Quick Reaction
My battery commander and I were interviewing candidates for a position as reconnaissance
sergeant in our artillery unit. The selected soldier needed to have keen eyesight, plus the ability to
react quickly. During one interview, the commander pointed to a hill about a mile away and asked
a young sergeant,


the commander went on,
The sergeant leaned forward and squinted.
He got the job.
故事大意：
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第25篇
Visual Training
The squad were having trainingOne smart recruit was asked by the officer to c
ount how many men composed a digging party in a distant field. The party was so far a
way that the men appeared as mere dots, but unhesitatingly the recruit replied:
men and a sergeant, sir.
but how do you know there's a sergeant there?
not doing any digging, sir.
故事大意：
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第26篇
Speed Limit
The British RAF base where I was stationed as part of a contingent of USAF personnel had one
narrow road winding through the crowded residential area. After a rash of minor vehicle
pedestrian accidents, the USAF commander decided to reduce the speed limit to three m.p.h.
Shortly after the new limit was posted, an MP sergeant issued a speeding citation to a jeep driver
for going five m.p.h. I was curious to know how the MP had determined the jeep's speed so
exactly.
noticed that the speedometer read five m.p.h.< br>故事大意：
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第27篇
West Point
My father, brother and I visited West Point to see a football game between Army and Bo
ston College. Taking a stroll before kickoff, we met many cadets in neatly pressed unifor
ms. Several visting fans asked the recruits if they would pose for photographs, show
our son what to expect if he should attend West Point.
One middle-aged couple approached a very attractive female cadet and asked her to pose
for a picture. They explained, want to show our son what he missed by not coming
to West Point.
故事大意：
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第28篇
West Point
My father, brother and I visited West Point to see a football game between Army and Boston
College. Taking a stroll before kickoff, we met many cadets in neatly pressed uniforms. Several
visting fans asked the recruits if they would pose for photographs,
if he should attend West Point.
One middle- aged couple approached a very attractive female cadet and asked her to pose for a
picture. They explained,
Point.
故事大意：
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第29篇
I Didn't Know That I Was So Far Back Already!
A big battle was going on during the First World War. Guns were firing, and shells and
bullets were flying about everywhere. After an hour of this, one of the soldier decided th
at the fighting was getting too dangerous for him, so he left the front line and began to
go away from the battle. After he had walked for an hour, he saw an officer coming tow
ards him. The officer stopped him and said, are you going?
trying to get as far away as possible from the battle that's going on behind us, sir.
the soldier answered.
you know who I am?the officer said to him angerly. your commanding officer.

The soldier was very surprised when he heard this and said, God, I didn't know that
I was so far back already!
故事大意：
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第30篇
None Other Than a Soldier
As a newly commissinaed infantry lieutenant, I was eager to set an example for my platoon by
cleaning my own M-16 rifle. While we were working on the weapons, one soldier complained
about the unusual notched shape of the M-16's bolt and chamber, which makes it difficult to
clean.




故事大意：
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