经典幽默英语故事(30个)(1)

经典幽默英语故事（50个）
要求：
1、每天阅读两篇小故事，写出故事大意，尽量理解故事里的幽默点。
2、在阅读故事的过程 中，遇到不认识的单词，先不要查字典。阅读
完小故事后，可以查一查文章里的词汇，并做一些笔记。
3、开学后，请把这14页的阅读素材，装订成册，上交给各班的英语
老师。老师会根据你的完 成情况，给你的阅读作业打出分数。
姓名：_________ 班级：_________ 学号：_________ 成绩：
_________
第一篇
My First and My Last
When George was thirty-five, he bought a small plane and learned to
fly it. He soon became very good and made his plane do all kinds of
tricks.
George had a friend. His name was Mark. One day George offered to take
Mark up in his plane. Mark thought,
several times, but I've never been in a small one, so I'll go.
They went up, and George flew around for half an hour and did all
kinds of tricks in the air.
When they came down again, Mark was very glad to be back safely, and
he said to his friend in a shaking voice,
very much for those two trips in your plane.
Gerogy was very surprised and said,

故事大意：

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第二篇
First Flight
Mr. Johnson had never been up in an aerophane before and he had read a lot about
air accidents, so one day when a friend offered to take him for a ride in his own
small phane, Mr. Johnson was very worried about accepting. Finally, however, his
friend persuaded him that it was very safe, and Mr. Johnson boarded the plane.
His friend started the engine and began to taxi onto the runway of the airport. Mr.
Johnson had heard that the most dangerous part of a flight were the take-off and
the landing, so he was extremely frightened and closed his eyes.
After a minute or two he opened them again, looked out of the window of the plane,
and said to his friend, at those people down there. They look as small as ants,
don't they

故事大意：
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第三篇
A Nail Or A Fly？
An old gentleman whose eyesight was failing came to stay in a hotel room with a bottle

of wine in each hand. On the wall there was a fly which he took for a nail. So the
moment he hung them on, the bottles fell broken and the wine spilt all over the floor.
When a waitress discovered what had happened, she showed deep sympathy for him and
decided to do him a favour.
So the next morning when he was out taking a walk in the roof garden, she hammered
a nail exactly where the fly had stayed.
Now the old man entered his room. The smell of the spilt wine reminded him of the
accident. When he looked up at the wall, he found the fly was there again! He walked
to it carefully adn slapped it with all his strength. On hearing a loud cry, the
kind-hearted waitress rushed in. To her great surprise, the poor old man was there
sitting on the floor, his teeth clenched and his right hand bleeding!
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第四篇
I'll See to the Rest
A guard was about to signal his train to start when he saw an attractive girl s
tanding on the platform by an open door, talking to another pretty girl inside
the carriage.

故 事大意：
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第五篇
Chaude and Cold
A patron in Montreal cafe turned on a tap in the washroom and got scalded.
is an outrage,

live in Montreal.

course,said the manager, stands for cold. After all, Montreal is a bilingual
city.
故事大意：
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第六篇
A Soldier's Brilliant Idea

Mr. Robinson had to travel somewhere on business, and as he was in a hurry, he decided

to go by air. He liked sitting beside a window when he was flying, so when he got
on to the plane, he looked for a window seat. He found all of them had already had
been taken except for one. There was a soldier sitting in the seat beside this one,
and Mr. Robinson was surprised that he had not taken the one by the window; but,
anyhow, he at once went towards it.
When he reached it, however, he saw that there was a notice on it. It was written
in ink and said,
Robinson had never seen such an unusual notice in a plane before, but he thought
that the plane must be carrying something particularly heavy in it, so he walked
on and found another empty seat, not beside a window, to sit in.
Two or three people tried to sit in the window seat beside the soldier, but they
too read the notice and went on, when the plane was nearly full, a very beautiful
girl hurried into the plane. The soldier, who was watching the passengers coming
in, quickly took the notice off the seat beside himself and in this way succeededin
having the company of the girl during the whole trip.
故事大意：
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第七篇

New Discovery
A hillbilly was visiting the big city for the first time. Entering an office building,
he saw a pudgy older woman step into a small room. The doors closed, lights flashed,
and after a while the door slid open and a beautiful young model stepped off the
elevator.

Blinking in amazement, the hillbilly drawled,
故事大意：
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第八篇
A Bad Impression
Six people were travelling in a compartment on a train. Five of them were quiet and
well behaved, but the sixth was a rude young man who was causing a lot of trouble
to the other passengers.
At last this young man got out at a station with his two heavy bags. None of the
other passengers helped him, but one of them waited until the rude young man was
very far away and then opened the window and shouted to him,
behind in the compartment!
The young man truned around and hurried back with his two bags. He was very tired
when he arrived, but he shouted through the window,
As the train began to move again, the passenger who had called him back opened the
window and said,

故事大意：
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第九篇
Sleeping Pills

Bob was having trouble getting to sleep at night. He went to see his doctor, wh
o prescribed some extra- strong sleeping pills.
Sunday night Bob took the pills, slept well and was awake before he heard the a
larm. He took his time getting to the office, strolled in and said to his boss:


故事大意：
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第十篇
Creative

Applying for my first job, I realized I had to be creative in listing my few
qualifications. Asked about additional schooling and training, I answered
truthfully that I had spent three years in computer programming classes. I got the
job.
I had neglected to mention that I took the same course for three years before I
passed.
故事大意：
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第11篇
Reminder
In the veterinary office where I'm a technician, we mail out reminders when pet
s are due for vaccinations. Bruno, a German shepherd, arrived for his annual ra
bies shot, and we were required by state law to ask his owner if Bruno had bitt
en anyone in the last ten days.
plied. Surprised, I told her we assumed they'd come in because of our reminde
r.

rd.
故事大意：
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第12篇
Imitate Birds
A man tried to get a job in a stage show.


I guess that's the actor, as he spread his arms and flew out the
window.

故事大意：
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第13篇
How Did You Ever Get Here
One winter morning, an employee explained why he had shown up for work 45 minutes
late. was so slippery out that for every step I took ahead, I slipped back two.
The boss eyed him suspiciously.

故事大意 ：
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第14篇
Three Surgeons

Three famous surgeons were bragging about their skills.
his hand cut off,
nothing,said another. guy came to me who had his legs cut off. I stitched
them back on, and today that man is a marathon runner.

accident. There was nothing left but a horse's posterior - and a pair of glasses.

Today that man is seated in United States Senate.
故事大意：
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第15篇
One Side of the Case

A judge asked our group of potential jurors whether anyone should be excused, and
one man raised his hand.



one side of the case at a time.
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第16篇
A Smugglar

The suspicious-looking man drove up to the border, where he was greeted by a sentry.
When the guard looked in the trunk, he was surprised to find six sacks bulging at

the seams.



Obliging, the man removed the bags, and sure enough, each one of them contained
nothing but dirt. Reluctantly, the guard let him go.
A week later the man came back, and once again, the sentry looked in the truck.


Not believing him, the guard checked the sacks and, once again, he found nothing
but soil.
The same thing happened every week for six months, and it finally became so
frustrating to the guard that he quit and became a bartender. Then one night, the
suspicious-looking fellow happened to stop by for a drink. Hurrying over to him,
the former guard said,
me a favor: Just tell me what the hell you were smuggling all that time.
Grinning broadly, the man leaned close to the bartender's ear and whispered,
< br>故事大意：
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第17篇
Early Shopper

It was Christmas and the judge was in a benevolent mood as he questioned the pr
isoner.




故事大意：
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第18篇
Wings
The fried-chicken restaurant where I was working had a big rush just before closing
one day, leaving us with nothing to sell but wings. As I was about to lock the doors,
aa quietly intoxicated customer came in and ordered dinner. When I asked if wings
would be all right, he leaned over the counter and replied,
to eat, not fly.
故事大意：
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第19篇

Keep the Change
Selling secondhand books at our church bazaar, I got into an argument with a
prospective customer. He was interested in buying The Pocket Book of Ogden Nash but
claimed it was overpriced at 35 cents. Other paperbacks were selling for ten or 15
cents each.
I pointed out that the book was in good condition. Nash was a fun poet, and it was
for a good cause. He said it was a matter of principle. Ultimately, I agreed to sell
him the book for 15 cents. Triumphant, he paid with a $$10 bill.
he said.
故事大意：
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第20篇
Three Whistles
I promised my girlfriend a gold necklace for her birthday, but when the jeweler
quoted a price for one we liked, I let out a long, low whistle.
are they then
故事大意：
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第21篇
Too Polite
A woman who frequented a small antique shop rarely purchase anything, but alway
s found fault with the merchandise and prices. The manager and her salesclerk t
ook the woman's grumpy complaints in stride, but one day she went too far.
is it I never manage to get what I ask for in your shop
A smile on her face, the clerk calmly replied,
polite.

故事大意：
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第22篇
Good Points and Bad Points
house,said the real- estate salesman, both its good points and bad points.
To show you I'm honest, I'm goint to tell you about the disadvantage - there is a
chemical plant one block south and a slaughterhouse one block north.


the wind is blowing.
故事大意：
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第23篇

Camera
On our way to a wedding in Vermont, my husband and I realized we had forgotten
our camera. We stopped at a general store and, hoping to purchase a cheap, disp
osable model. Sal asked the owner,


uy it.
故事大意：
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第24篇
Quick Reaction
My battery commander and I were interviewing candidates for a position as
reconnaissance sergeant in our artillery unit. The selected soldier needed to have
keen eyesight, plus the ability to react quickly. During one interview, the commander
pointed to a hill about a mile away and asked a young sergeant,
hill over there

you see the radio antenna on that hillAgain, the soldier said that he could.
then,the commander went on, you see that bird sitting on the antenna
The sergeant leaned forward and squinted.

is singing.
He got the job.
故事 大意：
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第25篇
Visual Training
The squad were having
icer to count how many men composed a digging party in a distant field. The par
ty was so far away that the men appeared as mere dots, but unhesitatingly the r
ecruit replied:



故事大意：
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第26篇
Speed Limit
The British RAF base where I was stationed as part of a contingent of USAF personnel
had one narrow road winding through the crowded residential area. After a rash of

minor vehicle pedestrian accidents, the USAF commander decided to reduce the speed
limit to three
Shortly after the new limit was posted, an MP sergeant issued a speeding citation
to a jeep driver for going five I was curious to know how the MP had determined
the jeep's speed so exactly.
explained,
故事大意：
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第27篇
West Point
My father, brother and I visited West Point to see a football game between Army
and Boston College. Taking a stroll before kickoff, we met many cadets in neat
ly pressed uniforms. Several visting fans asked the recruits if they would pose
for photographs,
t.
One middle-aged couple approached a very attractive female cadet and asked her
to pose for a picture. They explained,
by not coming to West Point.
故事大意：
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第28篇
West Point
My father, brother and I visited West Point to see a football game between Army and
Boston College. Taking a stroll before kickoff, we met many cadets in neatly pressed
uniforms. Several visting fans asked the recruits if they would pose for photographs,

One middle-aged couple approached a very attractive female cadet and asked her to
pose for a picture. They explained,
coming to West Point.
故事大意：
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第29篇
I Didn't Know That I Was So Far Back Already!
A big battle was going on during the First World War. Guns were firing, and she
lls and bullets were flying about everywhere. After an hour of this, one of the
soldier decided that the fighting was getting too dangerous for him, so he lef
t the front line and began to go away from the battle. After he had walked for
an hour, he saw an officer coming towards him. The officer stopped him and said,


nd us, sir.

ficer.
The soldier was very surprised when he heard this and said,
now that I was so far back already!
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第30篇
None Other Than a Soldier
As a newly commissinaed infantry lieutenant, I was eager to set an example for my
platoon by cleaning my own M-16 rifle. While we were working on the weapons, one
soldier complained about the unusual notched shape of the M-16's bolt and chamber,
which makes it difficult to clean.




故事大意：
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