汉语式英语笑话

1. we two who and who？ 咱俩谁跟谁阿
2．how are you ? how old are you? 怎么是你，怎么老是你？
3．you don't bird me,I don't bird you 你不鸟我，我也不鸟你
4．you have seed I will give you some color to see see, brothers ！together 你有
种，我要给你点颜色瞧瞧，兄弟们，一起上！
5． hello everybody! if you have something to say, then say! if you have nothing
to say, go home!! 有事起奏，无事退朝
6．what is IMU3.0? it is a kind of chat tool!
什么是IMU3.0？IMU3.0 是一种聊天工具！
7． You Give Me Stop!! 你给我站住！
8． know is know noknow is noknow 知之为知之，不知为不知?
9． WATCH SISTER 表妹
10． IMU3.0 both can do what??? IMU3.0都能做什么？？？
11． American Chinese not enough 美中不足
13． heart flower angry open 心花怒放
14． go past no mistake past 走过路过，不要错过
15． 小明：I am sorry!
老外：I am sorry too!
小明：I am sorry three!
老外：What are you sorry for?
小明：I am sorry five!
16． If you want money,I have no;if you want life,I have one!
要钱没有，要命一条
17． I call Li old big. toyear 25. 我叫李老大，今年25。
18． you have two down son 你有两下子。
19． as far as you go to die 有多远，死多远！！！！
20． I give you face you don''t wanna face,you lose you face ,I turn my face. 给
你脸你不要脸，你丢脸，我翻脸.

mountain and people sea. 人山人海
up eight down 七上八下
who who 爱谁谁
24一说：give you some colours to see see!(给你点颜色看看)
一答：you try try see！（你试试看！）
25.雇主 how much do you want a month?
保姆：800 yuan, eat you, sleep you

800块， 吃你的，住你的

give me run egg！ 你给我滚蛋！

go and look! 走着瞧

good good study,day day up 好好学习，天天向上

No Mao ze dong ,no new china, 没有毛泽东，没有新中国

go a head! 去个头！

PEOPLE MOUNTAIN PEOPLE SEA 人山人海

no three no four 不三不四

u ask me,I ask who? 你问我，我问谁？

if you old three old four,i will give you color see see 如果你老三老四，我就给
你点颜色看看

dog day’s 狗日的

poor light egg 穷光蛋

go to your mother 去你MD

full clear ten big cool punishment 满清十大酷刑

After I do something! AIDS爱滋病！

day day do morning ****! 天天做早操

I saw a man saw a saw with a saw 我看到一个男人拿一把斧头在砍一把斧头

KILL ONE POLICE HUNDRED 杀一警百

Give your face,you don’t sport! 给你脸，你不会运用！

fat head fish 胖头鱼

gold basih washes my hands! 金盆洗手

you me you me 彼此彼此

**** do system. 操作系统

horse horse tiger tiger 马马虎虎

Where cool where you stay!! 哪儿凉快哪儿呆着

You Give Me Stop!! 你给我站住！！

fish yes 于(鱼)是

see you tomorrow 谁又偷猫肉

sir, you going down? 先生，你够淫荡

know is know noknow is noknow 知之为知之，不知为不知

we are brother，who and who？咱哥俩谁跟谁啊

EYES KEEP HEALTHY *** 眼保健操

横knife夺love。

King eight egg 王八蛋

let’s go shopping 赖雌勾哨兵

5 talks, 4 beauties & 3 loves五讲四美三热爱

you ask me, I ask who 你问我，我问谁啊

look through autumn water! 望穿秋水

why? 为什么No why! 不为什么why no why? 为什么不为什么No why no why! 不为什
么不为什么

you have painting hurry say, you have ass hurry fart!
有话快说，有屁快放！HOW ARE YOU？怎么是你？HOW OLD ARE YOU？怎么老是你？*** DO CO
MPUTER！操作电脑
.
blue whose and whose 不入虎穴，焉得虎子

Save water. Shower with your girlfriend.要节约用水，尽量和女友一起洗澡

Love the neighbor. But don't get caught. 要用心去爱你的邻居，不过不要让她的老
公知道

“现在的梦想决定着你的
将来”，所以还是再睡一会吧。

“努力工作不会导致
死亡！”不过我不会用自己去证明。

“工作好有意思耶！”尤其是
看着别人工作。
The more you learn, the more you know, The more you know, the More you forget. Th
e more you forget, the less you know. So why bother To learn. 学的越多，知道的越
多，知道的越多 ，忘记的越多，忘记的越多，知道的越少，为什么学来着？！

No matter three seven tweenty-one. 不管三七二十一

TRY TRY SEE 试试看

hit fire machine 打火机

一位学生在美国加州目睹了一起交通事故，由于好奇，一直没有离开， 警察来了以后问
他知不知道事情的经过。 HE said ：one car come one car go two car peng peng
one man die

一个小强去看电影，到了电影售票处，发现一个老外和售票小姐连说带 比得好半天，就
自 告奋勇的上前做翻译，售票小姐说：麻烦你告诉她，现在坐票售完了只剩下站票，如果要看
要站着看。小 强转头就对老外说：No Sit see, Stand see. If see stand see.老外回
答说：sorry i don’t understand your English.小强就对售票小姐说：哦，他说他不
懂英文

优秀高中英语演讲稿
I have a dream
Everyone has his own dream. When I was a little kid , my dream was even to have a
candy shop of my own .But now ,when I am 16 years old ,standing here ,my dreams
have already changed a lot.
I have got quite different experience from other girls. While they were playing toys at
home, while they were dreaming to be the princesses in the story .I was running in
the hard rain, jumping in the heavy snow, pitching in the strong wind. Nothing could
stop me ,because of a wonderful call from my heart -- to be an athlete. Yeah ,of
course ,I'm an athlete, I'm so proud of that all the time .
When I was 10 years old ,I became a shot-put athlete. The training was really hard ,I
couldn't bear the heavy shot in my hands .But I always believe that
those who help themselvesDuring those hard days, I find I was growing more
quickly than others of the same age. To be an athlete is my most correct choice. But, I
quite like my team after entering high school because of a silly excuse. I really didn't
want to stop my sports career anyway.
Today I say to you my friends that even though I must face the difficulties of
yesterday ,today and tomorrow .I still have a dream .It is a dream deeply rooted in my
soul.
I have a dream that one day, I can run, jump and pitch just like I used to be.
I have a dream that one day, I can go back to my dream sports and join the
national team.

I have a dream that one day ,I can stand on the highest place at the Olympic games.
With all the cameras pointing at me. I will tell everyone that I'm so proud to be a
Chinese athlete!
This is my hope .This is the faith that I continue my steps with!!!
With this faith, I will live though the strong wind and heavy rain ,never give up !
So let victory ring from my heart, from all of you. When we allow victory to ring .I
must be the one!
In my imagination, I'm a bird ,a magical bird. I carry my dreams all with me by my
big wings. I fly though the mountains ,though the forests ,over the sea, to the sun ,the
warmest place in the aerospace!
Every night ,I have a dream ,I see a girl ---smiling~
That’s all thank you!

Love and Take care of Nature
Mother Nature is an exquisite and complex life-system. It's charm appears in the trees,
stream, soil, insects, moss and fungus, all the things on the earth in different shapes,
which are interdependent. When you get close to nature, please remember, each tree,
stone and species of animals here has lived harmoniously for hundreds, thousands or
even millions of years. When we pass away, they will continue to live. They are the
real masters, while we are just the passer-by. However, the conduct we unconsciously
do, such as picking, lumbering, tramping and abusing can probably destroy the
balance of their life. Therefore, we must reduce our bad influence as much as
possible. While you are enjoying the nature, do not forget please, the beauty of the
lives also needs to be concerned with and to be protected.
Each life on the earth has a long and touching evolutionary story. From the origin, the
lives of the human being are equal to those of others; they both are the composing
parts of Mother Nature. Nevertheless, for some inexplicable reasons, the human
becomes the spirits of all creatures. Of course, it is the result of the evolution, but still
we should be grateful to all our companions in nature for the opportunity they offer.
In spite of this, humans cannot live without earth. They live on the earth, drink the
sweet water, and enjoy the sunshine, the air, the sky, the fruit; the grains utilize the
energy and so on. In a word, the human being cannot live without nature, and
Mother Nature makes us grow stronger.
I do not like the word
loving animal since I was just a little boy. When thinking of the

feel much annoyed. For the animals will be given a shackle and lose their liberty if
they become someone's pets. Their natural attribution can be deprived, too.
Up to now, relying on their scientific power, the human have opened up too much
and over developed nature, in order to fill up their growing appetites of wealth. They
destroy the balance of nature, however, they don't realize, their own development
and existence will be threatened. Therefore, our sights should be focused on nature
and we should try to develop the concept of
We should lay emphasis on our education with consider cultural and natural emotion.
To use the vivid example to wake up the conscience in people's hearts.
To love nature is to love our mankind. As the new generation who enter the new
century, we should make efforts to love and respect nature, to treat it well and
protect it. At last, we have the night to enjoy it.
That’s all thank you!

My future
Ladies and Gentlemen, Good morning! My name is Su Chang, I come from Zhenjiang
Foreign Language School. I’m very glad to stand here and give you a speech.
Man’s life is a process of growing up, actually I’m standing here is a growth. If a
person’s life must constituted by various choices, then I grow up along with these
choices. As you know I come here, now I wonder what the future holds for me.
When I come to this school, I told to myself: this my near future, all starts here.
Following I will learn to become a man, a integrated man, who has a fine body, can
take on important task, has independent thought, an open mind, intensive thought,
has the ability to judge right and wrong, has a perfect job.
Once my teacher said :” you are not sewing, you are stylist; never forget which you
should lay out to people is your thought, not craft.” I will put my personality with my
interest and ability into my study, during these process I will combine learning with
doing. If I can achieve this “future”, think that I really grow up. And I deeply believe
kindred, good-fellowship and love will perfection and happy in the future.
How to say future? Maybe it’s a nice wish. Lets make up our minds, stick to it and
surely well enjoy our life.
That’s all, thank you!