爱尔敏英语幽默小故事

2020年12月21日发(作者：司马承祯)

英语幽默小故事

1、New Discovery


A hillbilly was visiting the big city for the first time. Entering an office
building, he saw a pudgy older woman step into a small room. The doors
closed, lights flashed, and after a while the door slid open and a beautiful
young
model stepped off the elevator.

Blinking in amazement, the hillbilly drawled,
wife!

新发现


一个乡下人第一次到 大城市游逛。他走进一座大楼，看见一个岁数很大的矮
胖女人迈进一个小房间。房间的门随后关上，有几 个灯在闪亮。一会儿，门开
了，电梯里走出一位年青漂亮的女模特。

乡下人惊奇地眨着眼睛，慢吞吞地说：“我应该把我的老婆带来!”

hillbilly
n. 乡下人，乡巴佬.

pudgy
adj.矮胖的，矮而粗的

drawl
vt, vi慢吞吞地说；拉长语调地说


2、Always Thirsty


sponge in me.



总感到口渴

一个男人对他的朋友说：“我动了一次手术，手术后医生把一块海绵忘在我的
身体里了。”
“真是太糟糕了！”朋友说道：“你觉得疼吗？”

“不疼，可是我总感到口渴。”

He Won

Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny? Johnny: He is ill in bed. He
hurt himself.
Tommy: That's too bad. How did that happen?
Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he
won.

他赢了
汤姆：约翰尼，你小弟弟好吗？
约翰尼：他害病卧床了。他受了伤。
汤姆：真糟糕，怎么回事儿？
约翰尼：我们做游戏，看谁能把身子探出窗外最远，他赢了。

I Have His Ear in My Pocket

Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked,
happened?




他的耳朵在我衣兜里

伊凡鼻子流着血回到家里。他妈妈问，“发生了什么事？”
“一个男孩咬了我一口，”伊凡说。
“再见到他你能认出来吗？”妈妈问。
“他走到哪里我都能认出他，”伊凡说。“他的耳朵还在我衣兜里呢。”

A Good Boy

Little Robert asked his mother for two cents.
money I gave you yesterday?


But why are you so interested in the old woman?


好孩子


小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。
“昨天给你的钱干什么了？”
“我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。
“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？”
“她是个卖糖果的。”

Drunk

One day, a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy
was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions.
Now, he asked,
son,
regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk.


醉酒

一天，父亲与小儿子一道回家。这个孩子正处于那种对什么事都很感兴趣的 年
龄，老是有提不完的问题。他向父亲发问道：“爸爸，‘醉’字是什么意思？” “唔，
孩子 ，”父亲回答说，“你瞧那儿站着两个警察。如果我把他们看成了四个，那
么我就算醉了。” “可是，爸爸， ”孩子说，“那儿只有一个警察呀！”

Hospitality

The hostess apologized to her unexpected guest for serving an apple-pie
without any cheese. The little boy of the family left the room quietly for a
moment and returned with a piece of cheese which he laid on the guest's
plate. The visitor smiled, put the cheese into his mouth and then said:

the cheese?

好客

由于客人在吃苹果馅饼时，家里没有奶酪了，于是女主人向大家表示歉意。这
家的小 男孩悄悄地离开了屋子。过了一会儿，他拿着一片奶酪回到房间，把奶
酪放在客人的盘子里。 客人微笑着把奶酪放进嘴里说：“孩子，你的眼睛就是
比你妈妈的好。你在哪里找到的奶酪？” “在捕鼠夹上，先生。”那小男孩说。

英语小笑话
上个星期五我穿了一件 Adidas 的衣服去打球, 一个老美看到就笑我说,
you

know what does it mean? It means All Day I Dream About Sex.我整天都在
想著
性, 缩写正好是 Adidas) 我正惊讶他怎么反应这么快, 联想力这么丰富时,旁
边的
一个老美帮我解围, 他说, 有一个很著名的合唱团 Korn, 他们的招牌歌之一就
是
A.D.I.D.A.S, (All day I dream about sex)所以呢,这个典故可是很多老美都耳
熟
能详的喔! 下次就换你去取笑老美了.

A man goes to church and starts talking to God. He says:
million dollars to you?

the man says:

一男子进入教堂和上帝对话.他问:主啊, 一百万美元对你意味着多少?上帝回
答 :一便士.男子又问:且话偻蚰昴?上帝说:一秒钟.最后男子请求道:上帝,
我能得到一便士吗?上帝 回答:过一秒钟.


1,Two birls

Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now
who can tell us which is which?

Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer.

Teacher: Please tell us.

Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside
the swallow.

两只鸟

老师： 这儿有两只鸟，一只是麻雀。谁能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀吗？

学生：我指不出，但我知道答案。

老师：请说说看。

学生：燕子旁边的就是麻雀，麻雀旁边的就是燕子。


2. The Fish Net





鱼网

你能告诉我鱼网是什么做的吗，安？老师发问道。

把许多小孔用绳子栓在一起就成了鱼网了。小女孩回答道。


3. The New Teacher

George comes from school on the first of September.




and then she said that two and four were six too.....

新老师

9月1日， 乔治放学回到家里。

乔治，你喜欢你们的新老师吗？妈妈问。

妈妈，我不喜欢，因为她说3加3得6, 可后来又说2加4也得6。


4. A physics Examination

Once in a physics examination, Nick finished the first question very soon,
while his classmates were thinking it hard.

The question was: When it thunders why do we see the lighting first, then
hear the thunderrolls?

Nick's answer: Because our eyes are before ears.

一次物理考试


在一次物理考试时，当同学们都还在苦思冥想时，尼克很快就答好了第一个问
题。

这个问题是：为什么在打雷时，我们总是先看到闪电后听到雷声？

尼克的回答是：因为眼睛在前，耳朵在后。

Jim’s History Examination
Uncle: How did Jim do in his history examination?
Mother: Oh, not at all well, but there, it wasn't his fault. They asked him
things that happened before the poor boy was born.

吉姆的历史考试

舅舅：吉姆这孩子历史考得怎么样？
母亲：唉，糟透了。可话又说回来，这也不能怪他。嗨，他们尽问一些这个
可怜的孩子出生前的事儿。

Magic change

神奇变化

Gaga is a little duck. He is small, dirty and ugly. His friends don’t like to
play with him.

One day, Gaga walked behind his friends quietly(静悄悄地).But his
friends did not want him. Gaga was very sad and ran to the river and
cried loudly(大声地)。

Just then, a big beautiful bird heard(听见)him crying and flew down(飞下
来，落下来). She said, “Please don’t cry. Tell me, what do you want? I can
help you.”

Gaga told the truth(真相). The beautiful bird said, “OK, I can help you to
become a good-looking duck.” Then she took out a blanket and put it on
the duck’s body. She said something which the little duck didn’t
understand. Then she took away the blanket. There stood (站立)a
good-looking duck.

Gaga was very happy. He thanked the big bird and quickly went to play
with his friends