铁索连环英语短文笑话(带翻译)教案资料

2020年12月27日发(作者：钱君传)




英语短文笑带翻译)话(
1、How much English can you speak?


unfair it is for my client to be accused of theft. He
arrived in New York City a week ago and barely knew
his way around. What's more, he only speaks a few
words of English.
The judge looked at the defendant and asked,
much English can you speak?
The defendant looked up and said,
wallet!

中文翻译
法官先生，我的当事人被 指控偷窃，这是多么不公
正啊。他一周前才来到纽约，几乎不认路。而且，他
只会说几个英语单 词。
法官看了看被告，问道：你会说多少英文？
被告抬起头，说：把你的钱包给我！

2

A husband, proving to his wife that women talk more
than men, showed her a study which indicated that men
use on average only 15000 words a day, whereas women
use 30000 words a day. She thought about this for a
while and then told her husband that women use twice as
many words as men because they have to repeat
everything they say.
He said, 丈夫给妻子看了一项调查结果，为了向她证明女人比
男人啰嗦。研究表明男人平均每天使用1500 0个字，
而女人每天使用30000个。
妻子想了一会儿说，女人每天说的字数是男人的两
倍，因为她们必须重复已经说过的话。
他问：什么？

3

Boy: Is this seat empty?
Girl: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.
男孩：这个座位是空的么？
女孩：是的，如果你坐下，我的座位也将是空的。

4、


mother in the kitchen.

He is crying because I won't give him any.


him finish that.
汤姆，你弟弟怎么了？妈妈在厨 房里问。他在
哭。
没事儿，妈妈，汤姆答道。我在吃我的蛋糕。他
哭是因为我不给他吃 。
他已经吃完自己的了么？
是的。我帮他吃完时，他也哭了。


2009-6-7

A guy says to his friend,
in my pocket.
The friends says,
of them?
The first guys says,
of them!
路人甲对 路人乙说，猜猜我兜里有几个子儿？
路人乙说：我猜对了，你能给我一个不？
路人甲说：你要猜 对了，我两个全部给你！

2009-6-6研究生和本科生的区别


class,
engineering course.
undergraduates respond 'Good afternoon.' But the
graduate students just write it down.
一 个教师在研究生工程学课堂上说：我一眼就能看
出来哪些是本科生，哪些是研究生。我说'下午好'的时候，本科生回答'下午好'，而研究生则把这句话
记在本子上。

2009-6-5

Dad: Tom, please tell me, which month has 28 days?
Tom: Every month.
爸爸：告诉我汤姆，哪个月有28天呢？
汤姆：每个月都有啊！

2009-6-4making faces

Finding one of her students making faces at others on the
playground, Ms Smith stopped to gently reprimand the
child. Smiling sweetly, the Sunday school teacher said,

faces, my face would freeze and stay like that
looked up and replied,
you weren't warned.
史密斯小姐发现她的一名学生在操场上向别人做鬼
脸，便去轻责他。
这位主日学校的老师甜甜地微笑着，说：博比，我
小的时候，有人告诉我如果我做鬼脸，我的脸就会僵< br>硬，永远都那么丑。
博比抬头看了看老师，说：史密斯小姐，你可别说
没人警告过你啊。

2009-6-3

A guy goes to visit his grandma and he brings his friend
with him.
While he's talking to his grandma, his friend starts eating
the peanuts on the coffee table, and finishes them off.
As they're leaving, his friend says to his grandma,

She says,
the chocolate off.
一名男子带着朋友去探望他的祖母。
当他和祖母聊天时，他的朋友开始吃咖啡桌上放的花
生，并把花生都给吃光了。
他们 离开时，他的朋友对祖母说:谢谢您的花生。
结果祖母说:唉！自从我牙齿掉光后，我就只能吮掉
花生豆外层的巧克力了。

2009-6-2

A father was trying to teach his son the evils of alcohol.
He put one worm in a glass of water and another worm in
a glass of whiskey. The worm in the water lived, while
the one in the whiskey curled up and died.

you?

not have worms.
一位父亲打算让自己的儿子知道酒精有多么可怕。
他把分别把两只虫子放到一杯 清水和一杯威士忌里做
对比。清水里虫子安然无恙，结果威士忌里的虫子蜷
缩了几下就挂掉了。
所以，儿子啊，父亲问道，得出什么结论？
恩，这说明，你只要喝酒的话，肚里就不会长虫了！

2009-6-1

Looking very unhappy, a poor man entered a doctor's
consulting-room.


penny about a month ago.


waited so long? Why don't you come to me on the day
you swallowed it?


didn't need the money so badly then.

中文翻译：

一个看起来很难受的穷人走进大夫的诊室。

大夫！他说，帮帮我！一个月前我吞了一分硬
币！

天哪，大夫说，早干嘛去了？你当时怎么不来
看？

实话告诉您吧，大夫，穷人说，我当时还不缺
钱！

2009-5-31

Boy: Hi, didn't we go on dates before? Onec or twice?
Girl: Must've been once. I never make the same mistake
twice.
男孩：嗨，我们之前是不是约会过，是一次还是两
次，我忘记了。
女孩：应该只有一次吧，我从不犯两次同样的错误。

2009-5-30

In an entrance examination of a conservatory of music, a
teacher asked one of the boys,
important physiological quality of a musician?



Beethoven was deaf?
在一 次音乐学院的入学考试中，老师问其中一个男
孩：音乐家最重要的生理素质是什么？
耳聋，男孩 答道。
胡说！老师气愤地说。
怎么了，先生！难道您不知道大名鼎鼎的音乐家贝
多芬是个聋子吗？男孩轻蔑地反问道。

2009-5-28

A man sat at a bar, had the saddest hangdog expression.
Bartender:
with your wife?
The man:
wasn't going to speak to me for a month.
Bartender:
The man:
一个男人坐在酒吧里，伤心至极。
酒吧招待：你怎么了？跟老婆闹矛盾了？
男人：我们吵了一架，她说一个月都不跟我说话。
酒吧招待：那你应该高兴才是啊！
男人：不 ，今天是这个月的最后一天。

【Laughter】2009-5-27
A woman worries about the future until she gets a
husband. A man never worries about the future until he
gets a wife.
女人找了老公之前都在担忧未来。男人娶了老婆之前
从来不为未来担忧。

2009-5-26

A man will pay $$2 for a $$1 item he wants. A woman will
pay $$1 for a $$2 item that she doesn't want.
男人想要的东西，要是值1块钱却卖2块 ，他也会
买；而对于女人，即使是不想要的东西，要是值2块
钱却只卖1块，她也会买。

2009-5-25

The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male
students and vice versa.
rule will be fined $$20 the first time. Anybody caught
breaking this rule the 2nd time will be fined $$60. Being
caught a 3rd time will incur a fine of $$180. Are there any
questions?
inquires,
女生宿舍将全面禁止男生进入，男生宿舍也同样不得
女生光临。
不论是谁，一旦违规 ，初犯将被罚款20美元。再犯
要被罚款60美元。第3次被抓需要交180美元的罚
款。还有 什么疑问么？
这时人群中一个男同学问道，那么一个季度通行证
需要多少钱？

2009-5-24

Boy: Can I buy you a drink?
Girl: Actually I'd rather have the money.
男孩：我可以给你买杯饮料吗？
女孩：你不如直接把钱给我得了。


2009-5-22

Doctor: Your cough sounds much better today.
Patient: It should. I've been practicing all night.
医生：听上去你咳嗽今天好多了。
病人：应该如此。我昨晚练习了一整夜。

2009-5-21

Pete:
high cliff, and would you believe it, while I was falling
every fool deed I'd ever done came into my mind.
Bob:
from.
皮特：我上次出去打猎，跌下了很高的悬崖，信不
信由你，当我跌落的时候，我脑海里浮现了我做过的< br>所有蠢事。
鲍勃：你一定是从万丈高山上跌落的吧。

2009-5-19

Spending the night with their grandparents, 2 young boys
knelt beside their beds to say their prayers at bedtime.
The younger boy began praying at the top of his lungs:
PRAY FOR A BIKE... I PRAY FOR A NEW DVD...
His older brother nudged him and said,
shouting your prayers? God isn't deaf.
To which the little brother replied,
2个男孩与祖父母一起过夜，他们跪在床边做睡前祷
告。弟弟声嘶力竭地祈祷: 我祈求一辆自行车，一张
新DVD……
哥哥用肘轻推他: 你为什么大喊着祈祷？上帝又不
聋。
弟弟答道:上帝是不聋，但是奶奶聋。

2009-5-18

A cop spotted a woman driving and knitting at the same
time. Coming up beside her, he said,

巡警发现一名妇女边开车边织毛衣，便开 车上前，
说：靠边停车(套头衫)！
不，她回答，是一双袜子！

In order to prove the harmful effect of alcohol,the teacher
put a bug into a glass filled with alcohol,soon the bug
died. The teacher asked a student,

The student answered,
parasites if they drink more alcohol.

酒的好处

为了证明酒精对生物的危害，老师把一只虫 子放入装
有酒精的杯子里，虫子很快就死了。老师问一个学
生：“这说明了什么？”

学生答道：“说明人多喝酒，就不会长虫子。”


1. Teacher:Some students are becoming you
remember the story about race between the hare and
the tortoise?Now,Xiaoming,will you please tell us why
the hare was defeated by the tortoise?
2.
3. Xiaoming:Because the hare fell asleep.
4.
5. Teacher:Absolutely right!What should we do so that
the hare won't fall asleep?
6.
7. Xiaoming:Exchange the tortoise for the wolf.
8. 把乌龟换成狼
9.
10. 老师：有些同学开始骄傲了，大家还记得龟兔赛
跑的故事吗。小明，你说说看，兔子为 什么输给乌
龟？
11.
12. 小明：因为它睡觉了。
13.
14. 老师：对极了！我们应该怎么做才能让兔子不睡
觉呢？
15.
16. 小明：把乌龟换成狼！

Jonesie The Great Lion Hunter
A small village was troubled by a man- eating lion. So its
leaders sent a message to the great hunter, Jonesie, to
come and kill the beast.
For several nights the hunter lay in wait for the lion, but
it never appeared. Finally, he told the village chief to kill
a cow and give him its hide. Draping the skin over his
shoulders, he went to the pasture to wait for the lion.
In the middle of the night, the villagers woke to the
sound of blood-curdling shrieks coming from the pasture.
As they carefully approached, they saw the hunter on the
ground, groaning in pain. There was no sign of the lion.

chief.

idiots let the bull loose?
伟大的猎手Jonesie
有个小村庄正为一只吃人的狮子而烦恼 。于是，村长
派人去请伟大的猎手Jonesie来杀死这只野兽。
猎手躺着等了几个晚上 ，但狮子一直没有出现。最
后，他要求村长杀只羊然后把头皮给他。把羊皮披在
身上后，猎人到 草原上去等狮子。
半夜，村民被从草原传来的声嘶力竭的尖叫声惊醒。
他们小心地靠近后， 看到猎手正躺在草地上痛苦地呻
吟。没有狮子出没的蛛丝马迹。
“Jonesie，怎么了？狮子在哪？”村长问。
“哪有狮子！”猎人怒吼道，“哪个傻瓜把公牛放出来
了？”
———————————————————————
—————————————————
Weather Predict
A film crew was on location deep in the desert. One day
an old Indian went up to the director and said,

A week later, the Indian went up to the director and said,


secretary to hire the Indian to predict the weather.
However, after several successful predictions, the old
Indian didn't show up for two weeks.
Finally the director sent for him.
scene tomorrow,
on you. What will the weather be like?
The Indian shrugged his shoulders.

天气预报
一个电影摄制组在沙漠深处工作.一天 ,一个印度老人
到导演跟前告诉导演说明天下雨.第二天果然下雨了.
一周后,印度人又来告诉导演说,明天有风暴.果然,第
二天下了雹暴.
印度人真神,导演说.他告诉秘书雇佣该印度人来预
报天气.
几次预报都很成功.然后,接下来的两周,印度人不见了.
最后,导演派人去把他叫来了. 我明天必须拍一个很大
的场景,导演说,这得靠你了.明天天气如何啊?
印度人耸了耸肩.我不 知道,印度人说,收音机坏了.
———————————————————————
————— ——————————————
I Am Acting Like a Lady
One day when women's dresses were on sale at the
FarEast Department Store, a dignified middle-aged man
decided to get his wife a piece. But he soon found
himself being battered by frantic women.
He stood it as long as he could; then, with head lowered
and arms flailing, he plowed through the crowed.

a gentleman?

for an hour. From now on, I am acting like a lady.
我要表现得象位女士
一天， 远东百货公司的女装大减价，一位高贵的中年
男士想给太太买一件。可是，没过多久，他发现自己
已被疯狂的女人冲得踉踉跄跄。
他竭力忍耐着。后来，他低下头，挥动双臂，挤过人
群。
“你干嘛？”有人尖声叫道，“你难道不能表现得象位
绅士吗？”
“听着，”他说，“我已经象绅士一样表现了一个小
时。从现在起，我要表现得象个女士。”