manuel滚蛋吧小情绪 TED演讲

2020年12月29日发(作者：贝泠该)
【TED】Screw you, small mood
滚蛋吧小情绪
Lecturer：Guy Winch
I grew up with my identical twin.
我和我的双胞胎哥哥一起长大。
who was an incredibly loving brother.
他是个富有爱心的好兄弟。
Now, one thing about being a twin is that it makes you an expert at
spotting favoritism.
要知道，作为双胞胎，你很快就在意见事上成为专家。就是注意到偏
爱。
If his cookie was even slightly bigger than my cookie, I had questions.
比如他的饼干比我的大哪怕一点点，我就会质疑。
And clearly, I wasn't starving.
当然，我也没有被饿着。
When I became a psychologist, I began to notice favoritism of different
kind,
我成为一个心理学家，我开始注意到另一种不同的偏爱，
and that is how much more we value the body than we do the mind.
当那就是我们赋予我们的身体比精神更多的价值。
I spent nine years at university earning my doctorate in psychology, and I
can't tell you how many people look at my business card and say, ”Oh, a
psychologist, So not a real doctor,” as if it should say that on my card.
我花了九年时间获得了心理学博士学位，但不知道有多少人看了我的
名片 说：“哦，心理学家，原来不是真正的医生。”
This favoritism we show the body over the mind, I see it everywhere.
这种对身体多于精神的偏爱随处可见。
I recently was at a friend's house, and their five-year-old was getting
ready for bed.
我最近在朋友家，他们五岁的小孩准备上床睡觉
He was standing on a stool by the sink brushing his teeth, when he
slipped, and scratched his leg on the stool when he fell.
他站在小凳子上，在水池边刷牙，然后他滑了下来，摔倒的时候划了
他的腿。
He cried for a minute, but then he got back up, got back on the stool, and
reached out for a box of Band-Aids to put one on his cut.
他哭了一下然后就爬起来，站回小凳子上，拿了一个创可贴贴在他的
伤口上，
Now, this kid could barely tie his shoelaces, but he knew you have to
cover a cut, so it doesn't become infected, and you have to care for your
teeth by brushing twice a day.
这孩子刚学会系鞋带，但他都知道要保护伤口以免感染，同时还要一
天刷两次牙来保护牙齿。
We all know how to maintain our physical health and how to practice
dental hygiene, right?
我们都知道怎样保持身体的健康，还有怎样保持牙齿卫生，对不对？
We've known it since we were five years old.
我们从五岁的时候就知道这点了。
But what do we know about maintaining our psychological health? Well,
nothing.
但是我们知道怎样保持精神上的健康吗？完全不知道。
What do we teach our children about emotional hygiene? Nothing.
我们教给孩子们情绪保健吗？完全没有。
How is it that we spend more time taking care of our teeth than we do our
minds?
为什么我们花在牙齿的时间比花在精神上的时间还多呢？
Why is it that our physical health is so much more important to us than
our psychological health?
为什么我们那么重视身体健康，远远多于心理健康呢？
We sustain psychological injuries even more often than we do physical
ones, injuries like failure or rejection or loneliness.
我们承受心理上的伤害比身体上的多的多，例如失败、被拒绝、孤独。
And they can also get worse if we ignore them, and they can impact our
lives in dramatic ways.
如果我们忽视它们，情况也会恶化，他们同样会给我们的生活带来重
大的影响
And yet, even though there are scientifically proven techniques we could
use to treat these kinds of psychological injuries,
然而，虽然有科学实证的疗法，来帮助我们治疗这些心理上的伤，

we don't.
我们却没有采取行动。It's doesn't even occur to us that we should.
甚至我们都没有意识到我们应该采取行动。
“Oh, you're feeling depressed? Just shake it off, it's all in your head.” 哦，
你抑郁了吗，别去想了，都在你脑袋里。
Can you imagine saying that to somebody with a broken leg: ”Oh, just
walk it off, it's all in your leg.”
你能想象对一个骨折了的人说这样的话吗？“走走就好了，都在你腿
上呢。”
It is time we closed the gap between our physical and our psychological
health.
我们应该消除这种队身体和精神健康的区别对待。
It's time we made them more equal, more like twins.
应该把两者对等起来，像双胞胎兄弟一样。
Speaking of which, my brother is also a psychologist.
说到双胞胎，我弟弟也是个心理医生。
So he's not a real doctor, either.
所以他也不是一个医生。
We didn't study together, though.
我们不是在一起上的学。
In fact, the hardest thing I've ever done in my life is move across the
Atlantic to New York City to get my doctorate in psychology.
事实上，我这辈子做过最难的事就是跨过大西洋搬到纽约，来读心理
学的博士学位。
We were apart then for the first time in our lives,
那是我们俩第一次分割两地。
and the separation was brutal for both of us.
这个分离对我俩来说都很残酷。
But while he remained among family and friends, I was alone in a new
country.
当他和家人朋友在一起时，我却孤零零的在一个新的国度。
We missed each other terribly
我们都很想念对方
but international phone calls were really expensive then and we could
only afford to speak for five minutes a week.，
但那个时候的国际长途真的非常贵，我们一周只打得起五分钟的电话。
When our birthday rolled around, it was the first we wouldn't be spending
together.
当我们的生日到来的时候，那是第一个我们没能在一起过的生日。
We decide to splurge, and that week we would talk for 10 minutes.
我们决定奢侈一下，我们聊上了十分钟。
I spent the morning pacing around my room, waiting for him to call—and
waiting and waiting, but the phone didn't ring.
那天早上我在房间里跺来踱去，等着我哥哥给我打来电话，我等啊等
但是电话就是不响。
Given the time difference, I assumed, ”Ok, he's out with friends, he will
call later.”
由于时差的关系，我就想，好吧，他是和朋友一起出去了，他晚点会
打来的。
There were no cellphones then.
那时候也没有手机。
But he didn't.
但他始终没有打来。
And I began to realize that after being away forever 10 months, he no
longer missed me the way I missed him.
我开始意识到，在我离开十个月后，他不再像我想他一样想我了。
I knew he would call in the morning, but that night was one of the saddest
and longest nights of my life.
我知道他早上会打来，但那一晚是我人生中最伤心最漫长的一晚。
I woke up the next morning,
第二天一早醒来
I glanced down at the phone, and I realize I had kicked it off the hook
when pacing he day before.
我瞅了一眼电话，然后我意识到在我来回踱步的时候，我把电话线踢
掉了。
I stumbled out off the bed,
我从床上跳了起来。
I put the phone back on the receiver, and it rang a second later, and it was
my brother,
我刚把电话插回接口一秒钟，电话就响了。
and boy, was he pissed.
是我哥哥，他可气坏了。
It was the saddest and longest night of his life as well.
那也是他一生中最伤心漫长的一晚。
Now I tried to explain what happened, but he said, ”I don't understand, if
you saw I wasn't calling you, why didn't you just pick up the phone and
call me?“
我试图解释，但他说，“我不明白，如果我没有打给你，为什么你不
打给我呢？”
He was right, why didn't I call him?
他说的对，我为什么不打给他呢？
I didn't have an answer then, but I do today, and it's a simple one,
loneliness.
我当时没有回答他，但我现在明白了。非常简单的原因：孤独。
Loneliness creates a deep psychological wound, one that distorts our
perceptions and scrambles our thinking.
孤独导致深重的心理创伤，扭曲我们的感知能力，剥夺我们的思考能
力。
It makes us believe that those around us care much less than they actually
do.
它使我们相信身边的人不再在乎我们，
It makes us really afraid to reach out,
它使我们不敢与人联络，
because why set yourself up for rejection and heartache when your heart
is already aching more than you can stand?
为什么给自己自取其辱呢，你的心痛还不够多吗？
I was in the grips of real loneliness back then.
我那个时候被孤独紧紧包围着
but I was surrounded by people all day, so it never occurred to me.
但我总和别人在一起我自己都没有意识到。
But loneliness is defined purely subjectively.
但孤独完全是从主观上定义的。
It depends solely on whether you feel emotionally or socially
disconnected from those around you.
它完全取决于你是否觉得在情绪上或者是交往上和你周围的人相隔
绝。
And I did.
我当时是这样的。
There is a lot of research on loneliness, and all of it is horrifying.
我们有很多孤独的研究都很可怕。
Loneliness won't just make you miserable, it will kill you. I'm not
kidding.
孤独不仅让你觉得凄惨，还可能致死。我可不是开玩笑。
Chronic loneliness increases your likely hood of an early death by 14
percent.
长期的孤独会让你增加早逝的可能性高达百分之十四之多。
Loneliness causes high blood pressure, high cholesterol.
孤独可能导致高血压高胆固醇。
It even suppress the functioning of your immune system, making you
vulnerable to all kinds of illnesses and diseases.
它甚至会影响你的免疫系统，使你容易患上各种疾病。
In fact, scientists have concluded that taken together,
事实上，科学家已经得出结论，
Chronic loneliness poses as significant a risk for your long term health
longevity as cigarette smoking.
长期的孤独对你的健康和长寿的负面影响比抽烟还要糟。
Now cigarette packs come with warnings saying,”This could kill you.”
香烟的包装上还有“吸烟致命”的警句。
But loneliness doesn't.
可孤独没有。
And that's why it's so important that we prioritize our psychological
health, that we practice emotional hygiene.
这就是我们为什么要重视心理健康，要注意保持情绪健康。
Because you can't treat a psychological wound
因为，你无法治愈心理上的创伤.
if you don't even know you're injured.
如果你都不知道自己受到了伤害的话。
Loneliness isn't the only psychological wound that distorts our
perceptions and misleads us.
孤独不是唯一，可能扭曲及误导我们的心理创伤。
Failure does that as well.
失败也有同样效果。
I once visited a day care center, where I saw three toddlers play with
identical plastic toys.
我曾访问过一个幼儿园，在那儿我观察了三个儿童，在玩完全一样的
塑料玩具。
You had to slide the red button, and a cute doggier would pop out.
你得把一个红色的钮滑开，然后一个可爱的小狗就会跳出来。
One little girl tried pulling the purple button, then pushing it, and then she
just sat back and looked at the box, with her lower lip trembling.
一个小女孩对紫色的钮又拉又按，然后她就坐下来，瞧着那盒子，下
嘴唇开始发颤。
The little boy next to her watched this happen, then turned to his box and
burst into tears without even touching it.
她旁边的一个小男孩看到这一幕，再看看他的盒子，都没动手就哇哇
大哭了。
Meanwhile, another little girl tried everything she could think of until she
slid the red button, the cute doggier popped out, and she squealed with
delight.
与此同时，另一个小女孩试了各 种方法直到她滑动了那个红钮，可爱
的小狗跳了出来，她开心的叫了起来。
So three toddlers with identical plastic toys, but with very different
reactions to failure.
同样的塑料玩具给了这三个幼儿，但他们对失败的反应截然不同。
The first two toddlers were perfectly capable of sliding a red button.
前两个小孩完全有能力滑动那个红钮。
The only thing that prevented them from succeeding was that their mind
tricked them into believing they could not.
唯一阻止他们成功的因素就是他们被自己做不成的想法给骗了。
Now, adults get tricked this way as well, all the time.
成年人也经常中这样的圈套。
In fact, we all have a default set of feelings and beliefs that gets triggered
whenever we encounter frustrations and setbacks.
事实上，我们都有一个固定的思维感知模 式，每当我们感到沮丧，受
到挫折，我们便会进入这个模式。
Are you aware of how your mind reacts to failure? You need to be.
你清不清楚你是怎么对应失败的？你应该清楚。
Because if your mind tries to convince you you're incapable of something
and you believe it, then like those two toddlers, you'll begin to feel
helpless and you'll stop trying too soon,or you won't even try at all.
因为如果你的头脑告诉你你不能做成什么事而你相信了的话，你就会
像那前两个小孩似的，开始感到无助 然后你就很快放弃了，甚至都
不去试一下。
And then you'll be even more convinced you can't succeed.
然后你就更加确信你成功不了。
You see, that's why so many people function below their actual
potential.
你看，这就是为什么那么多人都无法充分发挥他们的潜能。
Because some where along the way, sometimes a single failure convinced
them that they couldn't succeed, and they believed it.
因为不一定在什么地方，有那么一次失败，让他们认定了自己不能成
功。
Once we become convinced of something, it's very difficult to change our
mind.
我们一旦被某件事说服，往往就很难改变主意。
I learned that lesson the hard way when I was a teenager with my brother.
我十几岁的时候，和我哥哥一起，吃了点苦头才明白这道理。
We were driving with friends down a dark road at night, when a police
car stopped us.
有一天晚上，我俩和朋友们在一条很黑的路上开着车一辆警车把我们
拦下了。
There had been a robbery in the area and they were looking for suspects.
附近发生了抢劫，警察在追踪嫌犯。
The officer approached the car, and he shined his flashlight on the driver,
then on my brother in the front seat, and then on me.
警察走到车边，对司机晃了晃手电筒，又照了照坐在副驾驶的我哥哥，
然后照到了我。
And his eyes opened wide and he said,”where have I seen your face
before?”And I said,”In the front seat.”
他瞪大了眼睛说得，“我在哪儿见过你？”我说，“副驾驶座上。”
But that made no sense to him whatsoever.
但对他来说，我的回答莫名奇妙。
So now he thought I was on drugs.
所以他认为我磕了药。
So he drags me out of the car, he searches me, he marches me over to the
police car, and only when he verified I didn't have a police record, could I
show him I had a twin in the front seat.
于是他把我拖出车子，有搜了我的身，他把我押到 警车那儿，直到他
验证了我并没有犯罪记录，我才有机会解释我和副驾驶座位上的是
双胞胎。
But even as we were driving away, you could see by the look on his face
he was convinced that I was getting away with something.
但是直到我们开走了，你仍可以看到他的表情他认定了我一定干了什
么坏事。
Our mind is hard to change once we become convinced.
一旦我们认定了的事情，我们很难改变看法。
So it might be very natural to feel demoralized and defeated after you fail.
所以当你失败了，感觉士气低落是很自然的。
(Demoralize,美 [d?'m?r?la?z] vt.使道德败坏；使堕落；使士气低落)
But you cannot allow yourself to become convinced you can't succeed.
但是你不能允许自己相信你不可能成功。
You have to fight feelings of helplessness.
你要和那种无助的感觉斗争。
You have to gain control over the situation.
你要重新控制局面。
And you have to break this kind of negative cycle before it begins.
而且你必须在这种负能量循环开始前打破它。
Our minds and our feelings, they're not the trustworthy friends we
thought they were.
我们的想法和感觉它们不是像我们想象的那么忠诚的朋友。
(Trustworthy,美 ['tr?stw??i] adj.可靠的；可信赖的)
They are more like a really moody friend, who can be totally supportive
one minute, and really unpleasant the next.
它们更像是一个非常情绪化的朋友，有时非常支持你，而有时令人不
愉快。
I once worked with this woman who after 20 years marriage and an
extremely ugly divorce, was finally ready for her first date.
我以前的一个女同事她结婚 20年之后离婚，婚离的很惨烈，然后她
终于准备好开始新的约会了。
She had met this guy online, and he seemed nice and he seemed
successful, and most importantly, he seemed really into her.
她在网上认识了这个男的，他看上去人很好，也很成功，最重要的是，
他似乎对她非常感兴趣。
So she was very excited, she bought a new dress, and they met at an
upscale New York City bar for a drink.
她非常兴奋，还为约会买了新裙子，然后他们约在纽约的一个高级酒
吧里喝一杯。
Ten minutes into the date, the man stands up and says,”I'm not interested,”
and walks out.
约会才进行了十分钟，那位男士站起来说，“我没有兴趣，”然后就走
了。
Rejection is extremely painful.
被拒绝是极其痛苦的。
The woman was so hurt she couldn't move.
这位女士非常受伤，以致于都走不动了。
All she could do was call a friend.
于是她给一个朋友打电话。
Here's what the friend said:”Well, what do you expect?
她朋友是这样说的：“那你还想怎样？
You have big hips, you have nothing interesting to say, why could a
handsome, successful man like that ever go out with a loser like you?”
你又胖有没有什么好聊的，为什么任何一个英俊的成功男士，会和你
这样的失败者约会呢？
Shocking, right, that a friend could be so cruel?”
太不像话了，是不是，朋友怎么可以这样冷酷无情？
But it would be much less shocking if I told you it wasn't the friend who
said that.
这或许听上去不太过分，要是我告诉你这话不是朋友说的。
It's what the woman said to herself.
这其实是那位女士对她自己说的。
And that's something we all do, especially after a rejection.
我们都干过这事儿，尤其是被拒绝之后。
We all start thinking of all our faults and all our shortcomings, what we
wish we were, what we wish we weren't, we call ourselves names.
我们开始 去想我们犯的错，我们的缺点，我们要是这样就好了，我们
要是不那样就好了，我们给自己起外号。
Maybe not as harshly, but we all do it.
也许程度不同，但我们都干过这事。
And it's interesting that we do, because our self-esteem is already hurting.
我们为什么会这样做，我们的自尊已经被伤害了。
Why would we want to go and damage it even further?
为什么我们要进一步伤害它呢？
We wouldn't make a physical injury worse on purpose.
要是身体受伤了，我们不会故意去把它弄得更糟。
You wouldn't get acuton your arm and decide,”Oh, I know! I'm going to
take a knife and see how much deeper I can make it.”
你要是胳膊上有个伤口，你不会说，“啊，我知道！我要拿刀看我到
底能捅多深。”
But we do that with psychological injuries all the time.
但是我们经常如此对待心理伤害。
Why? Because of poor emotional hygiene.
为什么？由于糟糕的心理保健意识。
Because we don't prioritize our psychological health.
因为我们不重视心理健康。
We know from dozens of studies that when your self-esteem is lower, you
are more vulnerable to stress and to anxiety, that failures and rejections
hurt more and it takes longer to recover from them.
很多研究表明，如果你的自尊心低落，你就很容易感到压力和焦虑，
失败和拒绝会伤害你更深，你也需 要更多的时间复原。
So when you get rejected, the first thing you should be doing is to revive
your self-esteem, not join Fight Club and beat it into a pulp.
所以如果你被拒绝了，首要的事情是应该重新激活你的自尊心，而不
是去拳击 俱乐部打拳来发泄。
When you're in emotional pain, treat yourself with the same compassion
you would expect from a truly good friend.
当你经历感情上痛苦，像一个真正的好朋友那样同情你自己。
We have to catch our unhealthy psychological habits and change them.
我们需要改变不健康的心理习惯。
One of unhealthiest and most common is called rumination.
最常见有最不健康的习惯之一就是穷思竭虑。
To ruminate means to chew over.
就是事后反复咀嚼回味一件事。
It's when your boss yells at you, or your professor makes you feel stupid
in class, or you have big fight with a friend and you just can't stop
replaying the scene in your head for days, sometimes for weeks on end.
比如你的老板冲你发脾气，或是教授在课 上让你感到愚蠢，或是你和
好朋友吵架了，然后你不断的在脑海里回放当时的情况，好几天甚至
好几个礼拜都不停。
Ruminating about upsetting events in this way can easily become a habit,
and it's a very costly one.
反复回味不愉快的事很容易变成习惯而这个习惯代价很大。
Because by spending so much time focused on upsetting and negative
thoughts, you are actually putting yourself at significant risk, for
developing clinical depression, alcoholism, eating disorders, and even
cardiovascular disease.
因为当你在不愉快和负面的事情上花这么多时间，你把自己放在一个
非常 危险的境地,可能诱发抑郁，酗酒，饮食失调甚至心血管疾病。
The problem is the urge to ruminate can feel really strong and really
important,so it's a difficult habit to stop.
问题在于那种反复回味的需要变得非常强烈，非常紧迫，所以这种习
惯会很难打破。
I know this for a fact, because a little over year ago, I developed the habit
myself.
我知道事实如此，因为就在一年多以前，我自己就经历了这个习惯。
You see, my twin brother was diagnosed with stage III non- Hodgkin's
lymphoma.
我的双胞胎哥哥被确诊为三期非霍奇金淋巴瘤。
His cancer was extremely aggressive.
他的癌症来势汹汹。
He had visible tumors all over his body.
全身都有看到的肿瘤。
And he had to start, and I couldn't stop thinking about what he was going
through.
他要做一轮大剂量的化疗，我情不自禁去想他所经历的这一切。
I couldn't stop thinking about how much he was suffering, even though he
never complained, not once.
情不自禁去想他受的这些罪，尽情他从抱怨过，一次都没有。
He had his incredibly positive attitude.
他有着这种不可思议的积极态度。
His psychological health was amazing.
他的心理健康程度太了不起了。
I was physically healthy, but psychologically I was mess.
我身体上很健康，但心理上我那时是一团糟。
But I knew what to do.
但我知道该怎么做。
Studies tell us that even a two-minute distraction is sufficient to break the
urge to ruminate in that moment.
研究表明，哪怕只是分心短短两分钟都足以打破那一刻你穷思竭虑的
需求。
And so each time I had a worrying, upsetting, negative thought, I forced
myself to concentrate on something else until the urge passed.
所以每次当我担心 ，烦恼，或带有负面情绪时，我就强迫自己专注
于其他事情，直到那种感觉过去。
And with in one week, my whole outlook changed and became more
positive and more hopeful.
仅仅一周时间，我的视角就全变了变得更积极，更充满希望。
Nine weeks after he started chemotherapy, my brother had a CAT scan,
and I was by his side when he got the results.
做了化疗九周之后，我哥哥做了电脑断层扫描，出结果的时候，我就
在他身边。
All the tumors were gone.
所有的肿瘤都消失了。
He still had three more rounds of chemotherapy to go, but we knew he
would recover.
他还得再做三轮化疗，但我们知道他能恢复。
This picture was taken two weeks ago.
这张照片是两周前照的。
By taking action when you're lonely, by changing your response to failure,
by protecting your self- esteem, by battling negative thinking, you won't
just heal your psychological wounds, you will build emotional resilience,
you will thrive. < br>当你在孤独的时候采取行动，当你保护自己的自尊心，当你与负面的
想法做斗争，你不仅可以治愈 心理上的创伤，你会建立起情绪恢复能
力，你会变得更强。
A hundred years ago, people began practicing personal hygiene,and life
expectancy rates rose by over 50 percent in just a matter of decades.
一百年以前，人们开始注重个人卫生，人的寿命延长了50%还多，这
仅用了十年就实现了。
I believe our quality of life could rise just as dramatically if we all began
practicing emotional hygiene.
我相信，我们的生活质量也会有同样程度的提高，如果我们开始关注
情绪上的保健。
Can you imagine what the world would be like if everyone was
psychologically healthier?
能想像一下么，这个世界会是什么样子如果每个人都在心理上更健
康？
If there were less loneliness and less depression?
如果世上少一些孤独和抑郁
If people knew how to over come failure?
如果人们了解如何走出失败的阴影
If they felt better about themselves and more empowered?
如果人们更自信，充满力量。
If they were happier and more fulfilled?
如果人们更幸福，更满足。
I can, because that's the world I want to live in, and that's the world my
brother wants to live in as well.
我能，因为那是一个我想置身其中的世界，也是我哥哥想置身其中的
世界
And if you just become informed and change a few simple habits, well,
that's the world we can all live in.
只要你了解这些知识，并改变一些简单的习惯，那将是一个我们都能
置身其中的世界。
Thank you very much.
非常感谢！