梦中婚礼钢琴曲生活大爆炸第三季剧本DOCS3E23

2021年1月3日发(作者：单维奎)
'cause you know I'll do it!
搞定 激光接上电源了
Ok,we've got the power to the laser.
我应该带把伞来的
I should've brought an umbrella.
作甚啊 又不会下雨
What for? It's not gonna rain.
我知道
I know that.
但我如此白嫩的肌肤还是有可能被月光灼伤的
But with skin as fair as mine,moon burn is real possibility.
这是个逗你玩儿 对吧
That's a
我的巅峰之作 你觉得呢
One of my best,don't you think?
霍华德 你要不要再检查一下
Howard,do you want to double-check
激光上的赤道仪装置
the equatorial mount on the laser?
我们得把它锁定到宁静之海上 [月面某部名称]
We need it locked onto the Sea of Tranquility.
没问题
You got it.
天 拉杰 别这样
Oh,Raj,no.
人们花了无数美元发明了英特网
Billions of dollars have gone into inventing the Internet
并在上面发了无数艳照
and filling it with pictures of naked women,
就是为了让我们不需要通过窗户来偷窥啊
so we don't have to peep through windows.
我才没有呢
It's not like that.
我只不过在看别人的电视而已
I'm watching someone's TV.
正在播《傲骨贤妻》呢
The Good Wife is on.
告诉你 这就是我的新《实习医生格蕾》
I tell you,this is my new Grey's Anatomy.
莱纳德 莱纳德
Leonard,Leonard.
那是啥 那是啥
What is that? What is that?
别紧张 不就是只脏袜子嘛
Relax,it's just a dirty sock.
你怎么可以如此淡定的把
How on earth can you say
脏袜子和别紧张放在同一句话里

谢尔顿 这个世界上到处都有被遗弃的脏袜子
Sheldon,the world is filled with dirty discarded socks.
我的世界可没有
Not my world.
嘿 你们知道谁会非常想看这个实验吗 佩妮
Hey,you know who'd really dig seeing this experiment? Penny.
我怎么不知道她喜欢月面搜索呢
I wasn't aware that lunar ranging was her thing.
尽管我可以确定尼尔·阿姆斯特朗留在月球上的
Although,I suppose the retro-reflector left on the moon
回复反射器的确符合了亮晶晶的标准
by Neil Armstrong does qualify as a shiny object.
那你怎么不叫她上来
Why don't you ask her to come up?
不知道 自从那之后就有点怪怪的
I don't know,it's still a little weird since,you know...
-她甩了你吗 -她没有甩了我
- She dumped you? - She didn't dump me.
我们只不过在这段关系中处在不同方位罢了
We were just in different places in the relationship.
我不明白为什么一段情缘
I fail to see how a relationship
还能有地理位置的特性
can have the qualities of a geographic location.
唔 这很简单
Oh,it's very simple.
莱纳德住在一个叫做请别离开的小镇里
Leonard was living in a little town called
而佩妮则刚搬到了一个叫拜拜的小岛上
while Penny had just moved to the island of
去你丫的
Screw you guys.
我去看看她在不在家
I'm gonna go see if she's home.
如果方便的话
If it's not too much trouble,
我想把望远镜瞄准月球了
I'd like to point this at the moon now.
且慢
Wait a second.
好老婆正哭呢
The good wife is crying.
出大问题了
Something's very wrong.
嘿 怎么了
Oh,hi. What's going on?
我们在屋顶上尝试从月球将激光射回来呢
We're up on the roof bouncing laser beams off the moon.
抱歉 什么
I'm sorry,what?
很酷的哦
It's pretty cool.
我们准备了直径两米的反射器和其他仪器
We've got a two-meter parabolic reflector and everything.
我觉得你可能会想来看看
I thought you might want to see it.
这完全说不通啊
That makes no sense.
你怎么可能从月球上弹射东西
How can you bounce stuff off the moon?
那儿可没有重力
There's no gravity.
呃 莱纳德
Uh,Leonard,
-这是扎克 扎克 这是莱纳德 -嘿
- This is Zack. Zack,Leonard. - Hey.
抱歉 我不知道你们正忙呢 或许下次吧
Oh,sorry,I didn't know you were busy. Maybe another time.
嗯 或许吧
Yeah,maybe.
嗨 我想看看这个激光
Hey,I want to see this laser thing.
但那个派对怎么办
Oh,but what about the party?
只不过是个惊喜派对而已 什么时候到完全没所谓
It's a surprise party-- doesn't matter when we get there.
那倒是
Right.
那好吧 上来吧
Okay,well,yeah,come on up.
你们是如何认识的呢
So,how'd you guys meet?
我的公司为芝士工厂设计菜单
My company designs the menus for the Cheesecake Factory.
你的公司
Your company?
事实上是我爸的 但我和我妹妹是副总
Well,my dad. But me and my sister are VPs.
呃 菜单啊
So... menus.
听起来貌似简单 但在设计当中
I know it sounds easy,but there's a lot of science
是包含了不少科学知识的
that goes into designing them.
开心了吧
Happy now?
我把脏袜子丢开了
I'm moving the dirty sock.
谢谢
Thank you.
拉杰 时刻注意另外一只
Raj,keep an eye out for the other one.
各位 这是我朋友扎克
Hey,guys,this is my friend Zack.
-你好扎克 -哇哦
- Hello. Zack. - Whoa!
这就是那激光吗
Is that the laser?
太他妈帅了
It's bitchin'.
没错
Yes.
1917年 当爱因斯坦在他的文章
In 1917,when Albert Einstein established
《关于辐射的量子理论中》阐述了
the theoretic foundation for the laser in his paper
激光的理论基础时 他最诚挚的希望

就是最终的仪器要很他妈的帅
was that the resultant device be bitchin'.
唔 那任务达成了
Well,mission accomplished.
让我来解释一下我们在做什么
Let me explain what we're doing here.
1969年 阿波罗11号上的宇航员
Um,in 1969,the astronauts on Apollo 11
在月面安置了数个反射器
positioned reflectors on the surface of the moon,
而我们则要发射激光
and we're going to shoot a laser off
到其中的一个上面并反射回来
one of them and let the light bounce back
到这个光电倍增器上
into this photomultiplier.
哇 那很酷啊
Oh! That's very cool.
只有一个问题
One question.
你怎么确定它不会爆炸
How can you be sure it won't blow up?
激光吗
The laser?
月球
The moon.
看 这才是配得上佩妮的男人
See,now this is a man for Penny.
问得好 扎克
That's a great question,Zack.
才不是呢
No,it's not.
谢尔顿
Sheldon!
要友好
Play nice.
问得不好
It's not a great question.
怎么能有人觉得
How could somebody possibly think
我们会炸掉月球
we're going to blow up the moon?
这才叫问得好
That's a great question.
不用担心月球
Don't worry about the moon.
我们把激光调弱了
We-We set our laser to stun.
聪明
Smart.
发射时我们能看到光束
Now,we'll be able to see the beam when it leaves,
但返回时的光束减弱
but it won't be strong enough when it comes back
裸眼看不到
to be seen by the naked eye.
裸
Naked.
是很搞笑
Right. Uh... funny.
那个装置能测量返回的光子
Uh,that device,there,will measure the photons that return
我们能在电脑上看到
and let us see it on this computer.
拉杰 给他们眼镜
Raj,get them some glasses.
酷 还有三维效果
Cool,it's gonna be in 3-D?
准备向月球发射激光
Preparing to fire laser at the moon.
开始吧
Make it so.
有了 看到峰值了
There it is. There's the spike!
返回时间2.5秒
2.5 seconds for the light to return.
是月球 我们击中月球了
That's the moon! We hit the moon!
这就是你们的大实验
That's your big experiment?
搞这么多就为了屏幕上的一条线
All that for a line on the screen?
话虽如此
Yeah,but,uh,
想想这代表着什么
think about what this represents.
我们的实验是唯一
The fact that we can do this is the only way
能证明月球上有人造物体的实验
of definitively proving that there are man-made objects
这个物体是60年前刚发明飞机的
on the moon,put there by a member of a species
种族中一员放上去的
that only 60 years before had just invented the airplane.
那是什么种族啊
What species is that?
我错了
I was wrong.
佩妮能找更好的
Penny can do better.
-好了 谢谢各位 很有意思 -谢谢
- Okay,guys,thank you,it's been fun. - Yeah,thanks.
-能请他们参加派对吗 -不行 只管走
- Should we invite them to the party? - No,just keep walking.
他肯定交媾技能很强
He must be very skilled at coitus.
告诉你 唯一能让你
I'm telling you,dude,the only way
接受佩妮结交新欢的办法
to feel better about Penny going out with other guys
就是再奸再厉
is for you to get back on the whores.
接
Horse.
什么
What?
那个词是再接再厉
The phrase is
不是奸
not
老兄 你真恶心
That's disgusting,dude.
不是
No,it's not...
算了
Never mind.
不过他说得对
He is right,though.
你愿意的话 我可以给你介绍
If you want,I can turn you on to this great new
-我找到的新交友网 -不了 谢谢
- dating site I found. - No,thanks.
你确定 上面说能给任何人牵红线
You sure? They say they can find a match for anybody.
他们给你牵了吗
Have they found a match for you?
多着呢 上个月就有八个呢
Tons. I've had,like,eight dates in the last month.
如果算上见我就闪的 有12个呢
And 12 if you count the ones who showed up and left.
我无法搬氮气罐下来
I can't bring the nitrogen tank down.
-为什么 -我重申一遍
- Why not? - All right,let me restate that.
它很重 我不想搬
It's very heavy,and I don't want to.
我去搬吧
I'll help you.
谢谢
Thank you.
用膝盖 别用背
Lift with your knees,not your back.
晚安
Good night.
知道什么才好玩吗
You know what would be fun?
帮谢尔顿申请网上交友
Signing Sheldon up for online dating.
算了吧
Yeah,right.
不 想一想
No,think about it.
我们当实验做
We make it an experiment.
就像寂寞的科学怪人
Like when Frankenstein's monster
找了个老婆
was lonely and he found a wife.
他没有找老婆
He didn't find a wife.
而是用死尸器官造了个老婆
They built him a wife out of dead body parts.
那可以作为后备计划
Okay,we'll call that plan B.
来了
Coming!
你个该死的混蛋
Damn you,you rat bastard.
你醉啦
Are you drunk?
扎克是个绝好男友 你把他毁了
Zack was a perfectly nice guy,and then you ruined him!
我怎么把他毁了
How did I ruin him?
因为以前
'Cause in the olden days,
我绝不会觉得他傻
I never would've known he was so stupid.
拜托 他没那么傻
Come on,he wasn't that stupid.
不 他是傻
Yes,he was!
他觉得你们会炸掉月球
He thought you were gonna blow up the moon!
对 他确实很傻
Okay,yeah,he's stupid.
他一整晚都在吹嘘
He spent the entire night bragging
自己怎么造出阑胃菜这个词
about how he invented the word
这不是我的错吧
How is that my fault?
你毁了我容忍傻逼的能力
You have destroyed my ability to tolerate idiots.
现在跟我走
Now,come with me.
去哪
Wh-Where are we going?
我们去做爱
We're gonna have sex.
为啥 不过我没意见
Why? I mean,okay.
怎么回事
What's going on?
把你的降噪耳机戴上
Put on your noise-canceling headphones,
这边会很吵的
'cause it's gonna get loud.
怎么又来了
Oh! Not this again.
这怎么可能是少果肉呢
In what universe is this low- pulp?
早啊 佩妮
Good morning,Penny.
你后脑勺长眼睛了吗
What,do you have eyes in the back of your head?
隔天就在学校挨揍的某人
When one gets beaten up every other day in school,
必然会进化出更敏锐的听觉
one of necessity develops a keen sense of hearing.
而且 在学校挨揍的某人
Incidentally,one can get beaten up in school
通常都把自己称为某人
simply by referring to oneself as
我准备做英式松饼
I'm making English muffins.
你想吃吗
Would you like an English muffin?
-不了 我不饿 -另外
- Oh,thanks,I'm not hungry. - FYI,
昨晚证明我的降噪耳机无效
my noise-canceling headphones proved ineffective last night.
不好意思
Yeah,sorry about that.
作为本土德州人 我得说驾这个词
As a native Texan,I must say I've never heard the phrase
在交媾中很少用到
used in quite that context.
天呐
Oh,God.
天呐

这个我倒是听过很多次
That I've heard on multiple occasions.
这算哪门子微烤
In what universe is that lightly toasted?
今天真是我一生之中最扯淡的一天
This has to be the worst day of my life.
早啊 莱纳德
Good morning,Leonard.
我告诉过你多少次了不要那么做
How many times have I asked you not to do that?
算上这次吗 317次
Counting this instance? 317.
佩妮呢
Where's Penny?
她回她家去了
She returned to her apartment.
我猜应该是去洗澡加呕吐了
I presume to shower and vomit.
顺序不一定是按这个
Not necessarily in that order.
她为啥都没道别一下呢
I wonder why she didn't say good-bye.
你是在叫我解释一下人类行为吗
Are you expecting me to offer an explanation of human behavior?
难为你了 我只是觉得
I know. I just thought as an outsider,
当局者迷 旁观者清嘛
you might be able to provide a fresh perspective.
我相信你个小东西绝对不是黄油
I have no difficulty believing you're not butter.
-嘿 -嗨
- Oh,hey. - Oh,hi.
我得赶紧走了 早班
Um,I gotta run. Early shift.
好啊 我和你一起下楼
Okay,I'll walk down with you.
昨晚挺有意思的 对吧
So,last night was fun,huh?
那必须的
Yeah,it must have been.
我刚吐在我壁橱里了
I just threw up in my closet.
杯具啊
Bummer.
我在想啊 咱俩今晚
Anyway,I was thinking tonight maybe
去看场电影如何
we could catch a movie.
今晚我不太方便
Oh,yeah,tonight's not great for me.
不一定是今天晚上
Doesn't have to be tonight.
我差不多啥时候都有空
I'm free pretty much always.
莱纳德 昨晚那件事是个错误
Leonard,last night was a mistake.
你说错误 是塞翁失马那种吗
When you say
就比如发现青霉素
like the discovery of penicillin?
我很抱歉
Look,I'm sorry.
我喝高了 很寂寞 我讨厌扎克
I was drunk,I was lonely,I hated Zack.
咱俩就当没发生过好吗
Can we just forget it ever happened?
不行 整件事几乎已经刻在我脑子里了
No,it's pretty well imprinted on my brain.
特别是骑术表演那部分
Especially the whole rodeo thing.
老天
Oh,God!
就这样啊
So,that's it?
提上裤子就不认人啦
Wham,bam,thank you,Leonard?
我都道歉了 你就别纠结这事儿了行吗
Look,I said I'm sorry. Can't you please let it go?
你说的倒轻松啊
How am I supposed to let it go?
你居然把我当泄欲对象
You used me for sex!
早安 冈德森太太
Morning,Mrs. Gunderson.
早啊 莱纳德
Good morning,Leonard.
或者我该说 咦哈
Or should I say
-我靠 -怎么了
- Holy crap. - What?
我们终于证实了人类之中藏有外星人
We finally have proof that aliens walk among us.
你说啥
Excuse me?
这个约会网站找到了个适合谢尔顿的女人
The dating site matched a woman with Sheldon.
不可能吧
You're kidding.
一个实实在在的女人
An actual woman?
你看 胸部 该有的都有
Yeah,look. Breasts and everything.
相信我 有胸的不一定就是女人
Trust me,breasts doesn't necessarily mean woman.
-啥时候有这么一说 -我回头给你看张
- Since when? - I'll show you a picture
我路易叔叔穿泳装的照片
of my Uncle Louie in a bathing suit sometime.
莱纳德 快来看啊
Leonard,you gotta see this.
我们居然找到适合谢尔顿的姑娘了
We found a match for Sheldon.
很好
Great.
说不定她会跟他上床 然后第二天一早
Maybe she can have sex with him,and then walk out on him
连个招呼都不打就闪人
the next morning without so much as a
你知道他说啥呢吗
Do you know what he's talking about?
不知道 你问问呗
Nope. Why don't you ask him?
莱纳德 你说啥呢
Leonard,what are you talking about?
我不想谈这个
I don't want to talk about it.
瞧你出的这馊主意
That was a lousy suggestion.
随便啦 现在
Whatever. Right now,
谢尔顿·库珀博士要给他的真命天女
Dr. Sheldon Cooper has to send an e-mail
发封邮件
to his perfect match.
您好 同类生物

她能做到 那我也能 她能做到 那我也能
If she can do it,I can do it. If she can do it,I can do it.
她能做到 那我也能
If she can do it,I can do it.
我无能了
I can't do it.
-谁啊 -你好
- Hello? - Oh,hi. Hey.
你好啊 莱斯利
Hi,Leslie.
莱纳德·霍夫斯塔德 有何贵干
Leonard Hofstadter. What're you doing here?
是啊 咱俩好久没见了
Uh,I know! It's been a while!
对啊 18个月
Yeah,18 months.
是啊 是啊
Right. Right.
你怎么样啊
So how you doing?
挺好的 你呢
Fine. You?
不错
Uh,not bad.
你还记得之前咱俩上床
You remember when we used to have sex
你说这事儿没什么实际意义 只是为了娱乐
and you said that it didn't mean anything,it was just for fun?
是啊
Yeah.
你想再来一次吗
You,uh,want to do that again?
怎么了 金发美女把你甩了
What happened? Blondie dumped you?
不是她甩我
She didn't dump me.
我俩处在一段关系里的不同位置
We were just in different places in the relationship.
是嘛
Right.
随便了 显然呢
Um... anyway,apparently,
找个好久不见的人然后俩人
it's okay to go back to people you're no longer seeing
娱乐性地打一炮也没啥不好的吧
and have recreational sex with them.
你觉得如何
So,what do you say?
我考虑下哈
Let me think about it.
她不会再开门了
She's not coming back.
她想见我们
She wants to meet us.
不是我们 是他
Not us. Him.
是啊 可是他根本不认识她
Yes,but him doesn't even know about her.
哎呀 他会认识她的
Well,him about to find out about her.
真的吗 我们要告诉他吗
Really? Us gonna tell him?
谁要告诉谁什么
Who's going to tell whom about what?
谢尔顿
Sheldon.
嗨
Hey. Hi.
你们这么惊讶让我很困惑
Your surprise confuses me.
我住在这儿
I live here.
是啊
Right.
那个啥 明天下午你什么安排
So,listen,what are you doing tomorrow afternoon?
说的具体点
Be more specific.
四点半
4:30.
那不是下午
That's not afternoon.
那是傍晚
That's preevning.
什么
What?
是我发明的描述时间方式
It's a time of day I invented.
更好地定义了个模棱两可的时段
It better defines the ambiguous period
下午和晚上之间 就是傍晚
between afternoon and evening: preevning.
我确信因为急需精确描述 这词定会广为流传
I'm fairly certain it will catch on as it fills a desperate need.
好吧
Right,okay.
那你明天傍晚准备做什么
What are you doing tomorrow preevning?
明天是周六
Well,tomorrow's Saturday.
周六晚是洗衣夜
Saturday night is laundry night.
所以傍晚我会用来预分选衣物
So I'll be spending the preevning pre-sorting
并预浸湿
and pre- soaking.
如果我告诉你 明天4点半
Okay,what if I were to tell you,tomorrow,at 4:30,
你将遇到
you could meet a woman
科学挑选出来的 你的完美伴侣呢
who has been scientifically chosen to be your perfect mate?
我会嘲讽地哼一声 无奈地摊开双手
I would snort in derision and throw my arms in the air,
疲于应付你们这种经常的无聊之举
exhausted by your constant tomfoolery.
但这是真的
But it's true.
我们把你所有重要信息上传到了交友网站
But we-we put all your vital information into this dating site,
学着你的方式回答了他们所有问题
answered all their questions just like you would,
他们找到了个跟你匹配的 她叫艾米·菲拉·福勒
and they found a match for you. Her name is Amy Farrah Fowler.
拜托
Please.
即使你们学得像我的回答
Even assuming you could answer any question the way I would,
这种红娘网站的算法 本身就是胡扯的
the algorithms used by matchmaking sites are complete hokum.
他们问到这个问题的时候 我们就是这么回答的
And that's exactly the answer we gave to the question:
你对在线交友持何态度

霍华德想回答毫无意义 但我认为不是
Howard wanted to write
咱谢尔顿会回答胡扯
Our Sheldon would say
拜托 你的科学好奇心呢
Come on,where's your scientific curiosity?
大部分都用来探索宇宙的秘密了
Well,most of it is being applied to unraveling the secrets of the universe
剩下的则用来思考 我为何要跟你们聊这个了
while the rest of it's wondering why I'm having this conversation with you.
好吧 这么说吧
Okay,how about this.
即使史波克每七年也会约会一次的
Even Spock had a date once every seven years.
他那不是约会
He didn't date.
那是发情期到了
It was Pon Farr.
他因压抑的性欲而热血沸腾
His blood boiled with mating lust.
那你何不先喝上杯咖啡
Well,why-why don't you start with a cup of coffee,
晚点就可以跟艾米·菲拉·福勒发发情了
and you can Pon Farr Amy Farrah Fowler later.
我不喝咖啡的
I don't drink coffee.
好吧 那就喝杯热巧克力
All right,you can have a hot chocolate.
反正我不会去做这种无聊事 选什么饮料无关紧要
As I will not be engaging in this nonsense,my choice of beverage is moot.
但我正式说明下
But for the record,
我只在月份中带有R字母那月才喝热巧克力
I only drink hot chocolate in months with an
每年九月至次年四月 月份英文中都带有R字母
为什么
Why?
不为无益之事 何以遣有涯之生
What's life without whimsy?
好吧 我没辙了
Okay,I'm out.
谢尔顿 我把屋顶拿来的一只脏袜子
Sheldon,I've hidden the dirty sock from the roof
藏在你们公寓里了
somewhere in your apartment.
除非你愿意跟我们去见那女孩
Unless you are willing to come with us to meet this girl,
不然 它会永远藏在那
it will remain there forever.
你只是在吓唬我
You're bluffing.
你真愿意冒这个险吗
Are you willing to risk it?
诅咒你
Curse you.
30英尺
30 feet.
你好 莱纳德
Oh. Hey,Leonard.
我本是个完美的小个子剩男 快乐又书呆
I was a perfectly happy,geeky,little lonely guy,
是你毁了我
and you ruined me!
你喝醉了吗
Are you drunk?
拜托 我们上床吧 反正也是没有意义的
Come on. We're gonna have sex,and it's not gonna mean a thing!
你疯了吗
Are you out of your mind?!
我真的开始认为 这是双重标准了
I'm really starting to think there's a double standard here.
几分钟后
In a few minutes,
等我幸灾乐祸地冷眼旁观着本次相亲的失败
when I gloat over the failure of this enterprise,
你们更愿意我怎么做
how would you prefer I do it?
是标准答案 我早说过会这样
The standard
还是经典的哦也哦也表嘲讽]
The classic
还是用我平常那副高傲嘲弄的表情
Or just my normal look of haughty derision?
现在还不能断定我们错了
You don't know we're wrong yet.
还是高傲嘲弄表情吧
Haughty derision it is.
打扰下
Excuse me.
我是艾米·菲拉·福勒 你是谢尔顿·库珀
I'm Amy Farrah Fowler. You're Sheldon Cooper.
你好 艾米·菲拉·福勒
Hello,Amy Farrah Fowler.
我很遗憾地告诉你 你上当了
I'm sorry to inform you that you have been taken in
被设计用来欺骗
by unsupportable mathematics
很傻很天真剩男剩女的无知算法骗了
designed to prey on the gullible and the lonely.
此外 我是被一只藏起来的脏袜子勒索了才来的
Additionally,I'm being blackmailed with a hidden dirty sock.
那是俚语的话 我从没听说过
If that was slang,I'm unfamiliar with it.
要是字面意义的话 我跟你一样讨厌脏袜子
If it was literal,I share your aversion to soiled hosiery.
无论如何 我来这是因为答应了我妈
In any case,I'm here because my mother and I have agreed
每年至少约会一次
that I will date at least once a year.
有意思
Interesting.
我跟我妈在关于上教堂这点上 有过同样对话
My mother and I have the same agreement about church.
我并不反对神的概念
I don't object to the concept of a deity,
但实在不理解 上教堂还得点名
but I'm baffled by the notion of one that takes attendance.
那你应该不会想去德州东部
Well,then you might want to avoid East Texas.
记住了
Noted.
相亲继续进行之前
Now,before this goes any further,
我先声明 所有身体接触
you should know that all forms of physical contact
包括但并不限于交媾 均不予讨论
up to and including coitus are off the table.
能请你喝杯饮料吗
May I buy you a beverage?
温水 谢谢
Tepid water,please.
天哪 瞧瞧我们干了什么
Good God,what have we done