心座有道词典-每日英语

2021年1月7日发(作者：鲍幼文)
Learning a foreign language: five
most common mistakes
发布时间：2012-12-20
文章出自：英国每日电讯报
原文链接：点击查看

Listening is the communicative skill we use most in daily life, yet it can be difficult to
practise unless you live in a foreign country or attend immersive language classes. The
solution? Find music, podcasts, TV shows and movies in the target language, and listen,
listen, listen, as often as possible.
Lack of curiosity
In language learning, attitude can be a key factor in how a student progresses.
Linguists studied attitude in language learning in the 1970s in Quebec, Canada, when
tension was high between Anglo- and Francophones. The study found that Anglophones
holding prejudices against French Canadians often did poorly in French language learning,
even after studying French for years as a mandatory school subject.
On the other hand, a learner who is keen about the target culture will be more successful
in their language studies. The culturally curious students will be more receptive to the
language and more open to forming relationships with native speakers.
Rigid thinking
Linguists have found that students with a low tolerance of ambiguity tend to struggle with
language learning.
Language learning involves a lot of uncertainty – students will encounter new vocabulary
daily, and for each grammar rule there will be a dialectic exception or irregular verb. Until
native-like fluency is achieved, there will always be some level of ambiguity.
The type of learner who sees a new word and reaches for the dictionary instead of
guessing the meaning from the context may feel stressed and disoriented in an immersion
class. Ultimately, they might quit their language studies out of sheer frustration. It’s a
difficult mindset to break, but small exercises can help. Find a song or text in the target
language and practice figuring out the gist, even if a few words are unknown.
A single method
Some learners are most comfortable with the listen-and-repeat drills of a language lab or
podcast. Some need a grammar textbook to make sense of a foreign tongue. Each of
these approaches is fine, but it’s a mistake to rely on only one.
Language learners who use multiple methods get to practise different skills and see
concepts explained in different ways. What’s more, the variety can keep them from getting
stuck in a learning rut.
When choosing a class, learners should seek a course that practises the four language
skills (reading, writing, listening and speaking). For self-study, try a combination of
textbooks, audio lessons, and language learning apps.
Fear
It doesn’t matter how well a person can write in foreign script, conjugate a verb, or finish a
vocabulary test. To learn, improve, and truly use your target language, we need to speak.
This is the stage when language students can clam up, and feelings of shyness or
insecurity hinder all their hard work. In Eastern cultures where saving face is a strong
social value, EFL teachers often complain that students, despite years of studying English,
simply will not speak it. They’re too afraid of bungling the grammar or mispronouncing
words in a way that would embarrass them.
The key is that those mistakes help language learners by showing them the limits of
language, and correcting errors before they become ingrained. The more learners speak,
the quicker they improve.
Ten easiest languages for native English speakers to learn
Best foreign languages to study: employers' view
Anne Merritt is an EFL lecturer currently based in South Korea.
外语学习的五种常见误区
发布时间：2012-12-20
文章出自：译言
原文链接：点击查看
安妮.梅利特说，学习一门外语从来都不是一件容易事，但是，如果你陷入这五种误区，
就更麻烦了。
有一种误区认为，聪明的人更擅长学外语。当然，这样说也无妨，因为有些与生俱来具
有学术天赋的人本身掌握了大量的学习策略。然而，实际上，大多数语言学习技能是一种习
惯，这种习惯 通过少量训练和自我意识就可以形成。
以下是语言学习者们常遇到的五种误区，以及纠正方法。
一．听力练习不够
有一个语言学派认为语言学习是从一个沉默阶段开始的。婴儿是通过听和像鹦鹉一样机
械地模仿声音来学 习语言的，同样，语言学习者为学习语言，也需要练习听力。这样做可以
帮助他们巩固所学词汇和句型， 帮助他们观察语言模式。
听力是我们日常生活中最常用到的交流技能。 然而，除非我们在国 外生活或者在沉浸式
的语言课堂上经过训练，否则很难练习。怎样解决这个问题呢？你可以找一些使用目 标语言
的音乐，播客，电视节目和电影，然后尽可能经常地去听。
二．缺乏好奇心
在语言学习中，态度是影响一个学生进步的最重要因素。
20世纪70年代 ，以英语为母语的民族和以法语为母语的民族关系高度紧张时，语言学
家在魁北克和加拿大地区研究了语 言学习中的态度问题，研究发现，那些对法裔加拿大人存
在偏见的以英语为母语的学习者，尽管将法语作 为必修学科学了数年，法语成绩也不会太好。
另一方面，那些对目标语的文化比较感兴趣的学 习者通常在语言学习方面比较成功。对
某种文化比较有好奇心的学生，接受那种语言也会更容易一些， 并且更可能与本族语使用
者形成良好的关系。
三．思想僵化
语言学家发现对模棱两可容忍度比较低的学生在语言学习中更易遇到困难。
语言学习包含着大 量的不确定性——学习者每天都会遇到新单词，对于每一种语法规则，
方言中都有例外，还有不规则动词 。除非达到像母语使用者那样流利， 学习者总会遇到不
同程度模棱两可的情况。
有 些学习者看到一个单词就去查字典，而不是通过上下文猜测词义，这些学习者在沉浸
式的课堂里可能会感 到很有压力，而且迷惑。最终，他们可能会由于彻底失望而放弃语言学
习。改变这种思维模式比较困难， 但是我们可以进行一些训练。 找一首目标语言的歌曲或
一篇文章，然后即使有不懂的词也试图猜测出段落大意。
四．方法单一
有些学习者喜欢使用语言实验室或播客里的听读训练，有些需要依靠语法书去弄 懂外语。
这些方法都可以，但是只依赖一种方法是不正确的。
能够运用多种方法的语言学习者能够练习不同的技能， 明白以不同方式解释的概念。另
外， 这种多样性可以使他们避免陷入语言学习中的惯性。
语言学习者在选择课程时， 应该选择那些能够训练能说读写四项语言技能的课程。对于
自学的人来说， 可以选择多种教科书，有声课程，和语言学习应用程序。
五．羞怯
无论一 个人在外语写作，动词变形，但单词测试方面多么优秀，一个人如果想要学好外
语，提高外语，真正的使 用目标语言，我们需要用外语说话。
在这个阶段，语言学习者可能会拒不开口， 羞怯和不安全感可能会使他们所有的努力功
亏一篑。在东方文明中， 爱面子是一种重要的社会传统。外 语教师常抱怨，学生们学了好
几年英语，还是不会说英语。他们很担心用错语法或发错音，使自己感到难 堪。
重要的是这些错误帮助语言学习者认识到语言的界限，并且可以使他们在这些错误根深
蒂固之前改掉。 学习者说得越多，进步也就越快。
作者：安妮.梅利特 发表时间：2012-12-19 7:00AM （格林尼治时间）
安妮.梅利特说，学习一门外语从来都不是一件容易事，但是，如 果你陷入这五种误区，就
更麻烦了。
聪明的人更善于学语言，这其实是个误区。当然，这样 说也无妨，因为有些与生俱来具有学
术天赋的人本身掌握了大量的学习策略。然而，实际上，大多数语言 学习技能是一种习惯，
这种习惯通过一些训练和自我意识就可以形成。
以下是语言学习者们常常犯的五种错误，以及纠正方法。

一．听力练习不够
有一个语言学派认为语言学习是从一个沉默阶段开始的。婴儿是通过听和像鹦鹉一
样机 械地模仿声音来学习语言的，同样，语言学习者为学习语言，也需要练习听力。这
样做可以帮助他们巩固 所学词汇和句型，帮助他们观察语言模式。
听力是我们日常生活中最常用到的交流技能。 然而，除 非我们在国外生活或者在沉浸
式的语言课堂上经过训练，否则很难练习。怎样解决这个问题呢？你可以找 一些使用目
标语言的音乐，播客，电视节目和电影，然后尽可能经常地去听。
二．缺乏好奇心
在语言学习中，态度是影响一个学生进步的最重要因素。
20 世纪70年代，以英语为母语的民族和以法语为母语的民族关系高度紧张时，语言学
家在加拿大魁北克地 区研究了语言学习中的态度问题，研究发现，那些对法裔加拿大人
存在偏见的魁北克以英语为母语的学习 者，尽管将法语作为必修学科学了数年，法语成
绩也不会太好。
另一方面，那些对目标语的 文化比较感兴趣的学习者通常在语言学习方面比较成功。对
某种文化比较有好奇心的学生，接受那种语言 也会更容易一些， 并且更可能与本族语
使用者形成良好的关系。
三．思想僵化
语言学家发现对模棱两可容忍度比较低的学生在语言学习中更易遇到困难。
语言学习包含着 大量的不确定性——学习者每天都会遇到新单词，对于每一种语法规则，
方言中都有例外，还有不规则动 词。除非达到像母语使用者那样流利， 学习者总会遇
到不同程度模棱两可的情况。
有些学 习者看到一个单词就去查字典，而不是通过上下文猜测词义，这些学习者在沉浸
式的课堂里可能会感到很 有压力，而且迷惑。最终，他们可能会由于彻底失望而放弃语
言学习。改变这种思维模式比较困难，但是 我们可以进行一些训练。 找一首目标语言
的歌曲或一篇文章，然后即使有不懂的词也试图猜测出段落大意。
四．方法单一
有些学习者喜欢使用语言实验室或播客里的听读训练，有些需要依靠语 法书去弄懂
外语。这些方法都可以，但是只依赖一种方法是不正确的。
能够运用多种方法的语言学习者能够练习不同的技能， 明白以不同方式解释的概念。
另外， 这种多样性可以使他们避免陷入语言学习中的惯性。
语言学习者在选择课程时， 应该选择那些能够训练“听说读写”四项语言技能的课
程。对于自学的人来说， 可以选择多种教科书，有声课程，和语言学习应用程序。
五．恐惧
无论一个人在外语写 作，动词变形，但单词测试方面多么优秀，一个人如果想要学好
外语，提高外语，真正的使用目标语言， 我们需要用外语说话。
在这个阶段，语言学习者可能会拒不开口， 羞怯和不安全感可能会使他们所有的
努力功亏一篑。在东方文明中， 爱面子是一种重要的社会传统。外 教常抱怨，学生
们学了好几年英语，还是不会说英语。他们很担心用错语法或发错音，使自己感到难堪。
重要的是这些错误帮助语言学习者认识到语言的界限，并且可以使他们在这些错误根
深蒂固之前改掉。 学习者说得越多，进步也就越快。
5 Easy Things You Can Do Today
That Will Noticeably Improve Your
Life
发布时间：2012-12-19
文章出自：译言
原文链接：点击查看

5 Easy Things You Can Do Today That Will Noticeably Improve Your Life
Josh Linkner;Dec 17, 2012
As we wind down a busy 2012 and take time around the holidays to reflect, it can quickly
become overwhelming, with so many differing theories on ways to lose weight, increase
productivity and improve family relationships. While external factors have their place, the
only true way to improve yourself is to start at the source: you. Self- improvement is never
over, and for some of us, the task is daunting. However, there are few easy things you can
do today – right now – that will have a noticeable impact. No reason to wait until January 1
to set an official ―new year’s resolution‖ when you can do a few things with a couple of
weeks of December left; this holiday season, give yourself the gift of peace of mind.
Reignite your passion. Whatever deeply moves you, set it on fire. Cooking gets you going?
Call the neighbor you’ve been meaning to get to know better, email your colleagues, and
call up your college buddy whose schedule just hasn’t matched yours lately – you’re
hosting a dinner party. Car racing makes you feel like a million bucks? Take your son to a
NASCAR race, or play his car/driver video game with him. Feeling frazzled and
disconnected with your significant other? Rekindle the romance! Seriously. The more
passion you have in your life, the more creative you’ll be.
Read more. There are so many amazing books and articles readily available for us all to
consume. It’s like having the ability to sit down with an incredible thought leader every
single night. What a joy. Dedicating 20 minutes nightly to reading will expand your
horizons ten-fold, without a huge time commitment.
Write a gratitude list. The more we can connect with our deep appreciation for all the good
around us will help us conquer all the challenges we face. If you’re reading this, it means
you have a computer (and chances are, that means a roof over your head and clothes to
keep you warm this winter). There’s a lot to be thankful for, and writing everything down
makes it readily apparent.
Do a random act of kindness. The more you give, the more you will receive. I know it
sounds fluffy and cosmic, but it actually works. Improving someone’s day makes yours
better. If you’re walking back to the office with leftovers from your lunch meeting and
someone asks if you can spare anything, give him your lunch. He’ll have a meal in his
belly and you’ll have warmed your own heart by helping.
Seek honest feedback. Sometimes our weaknesses are not as apparent to ourselves but
very clear to others. Ask people for direct advice and you will find the most important
things to work on. When confronted, you might realize that your tardiness to morning team
meetings bothers your boss – it’s easy to set the alarm a bit earlier every morning, and
voila – problem solved.
It’s hard to stay on top of things when everything is moving at breakneck speed, but on
one of these days off from work, figure out a game plan to improve your world. It starts
with baby steps – easy things you can do that won’t break the bank, hurt your ego or take
a tremendous amount of time. The beauty is there’s no ―catch‖: just start!
轻松5件事，让你生活重放光彩
< br>2012年在忙忙碌碌中就要结束了，当我们想利用假期，静下心来做些回顾和反思时，总会
发现 ，我们的空闲时间早被各种各样的信息和理论塞得满满的———-比如，减肥妙方啦，
如何提高生产效率 啦，怎样改善家庭关系啦，等等。要提升自我，外界因素固然有一定作用，
但真正有效的方法来自源头— —你自己。自我提高的过程是持续一生一世的，而且对一些人
来说，这个任务还相当艰巨。不过，只要你 从今天 不，从现在就开始，你做5件小事儿，
你就会看到明显的效果。没有必要非等到明年1月1日才 正式立下‖新年鸿志―，你只需利用
12月份剩下的一两个星期做些事情，就能给‖自己―送上一份―新 年大礼‖——心灵的宁静。
1. 重燃热情之火
不管什么事情让你觉 得很带劲儿，你就让给它再加把火。进厨房露两手是不是很开心呀，
那好，叫上你想要加深了解了邻居， 发个电子邮件给你的同事，给你最近经常错不开时间见
面的大学时的死党打个电话——你要请他们来你家 美食一顿。赛车是不是让你觉得像个百万
富翁？ 那就带上你的儿子，去参加全美赛车协会举办的赛车活 动，或者，跟儿子一起玩电
子赛车游戏。与你的另一半有点疏远？那再重新点上蜡烛，诚诚恳恳地再浪漫 起来吧。你的
生活中越充满激情，你就越有创造力。
2. 多阅读
可供我们阅读的精彩的书和文章简直太丰富了，就如同我们每个晚上都能够同一位杰出
的思想领袖促膝谈 心。你不必花大量时间，每晚只需用上20分钟读书，就可以10倍地扩
展视野，这是多好的事儿呵。
3. 列一个表，写下你要感谢的人
环顾周围，让我们感恩的东西其实很 多，它们能赋予我们力量去战胜生活中的一切困难。
如果你能够读到我这篇文章，那就意味着你拥有一台 电脑（还可能意味着，你头上有瓦，身
上有衣，让你在这个冬天里很温暖）。把你感激的东西一项项写下 来，让它们更清清楚楚地
展现在你眼前。
4. 时常做些善事
付出越多，收获越多。这听来似乎有些空泛，但却是事实。如果，由于你的付出，让某
个人的某一天变成 美好，你自己也一定快乐。如果你从午餐聚会上打包了些菜肴，在回办公
室的路上，有人问你是否可以给 他点吃的，那就送给他。他的肚子里有了食物，你的心里就
有了快乐——因为你帮助了别人。
5. 聆听别人真实的看法
旁观者清。我们的弱点别人看得更清楚。征求别人的意见后，你就有事情做啦，而且是
最最重要的事情。 从别人那里你才得知，因为公司的早会你常常迟到，让老板非常气恼。
把你的闹钟调早一点儿，是不是轻 而易举？，瞧，问题就解决啦。
当一切一切都处于极速运行时状态时，你就很难抓住什么。 所以，你可以利用一个假日，
为自己制订一个改善生活的计划。像婴儿学步似地，轻轻松松做点事小事情 ——既不需要占
用你大量的时间，也不会掏空你的钱袋儿，更不会损伤你的自尊。 妙就妙在，不必费什么
劲儿，就可以行动起来！
Why Does XOXO Mean Kisses and
Hugs?
发布时间：2012-12-19
文章出自：
原文链接：点击查看

Whether you end a letter or e-mail with it—or you recognize it from the end of each Gossip
Girl episode—―Xoxo‖ is commonly known to refer to the phrase ―Kisses and hugs.‖ But
how did these two inconspicuous letters come to represent that well-known phrase?
One possible explanation is that an ―X‖ is a stylized representation of two mouths kissing,
while the ―O‖ represents two pairs of arms coming together to complete a hug. This
emoticon- inspired account makes sense, but the true explanations are more likely rooted
in religious history.
Because many people in the Middle Ages could not read or write, they would sign
important documents with an ―X, ‖ which was both a simple mark to make and a reference
to the Christian cross. The signee would then kiss the ―X‖ to demonstrate his sincerity and
that what was written in the document was true—in much the same way that Christians
kissed the Bible to display their belief in Christ. Besides referencing the actual cross itself,
the ―X‖ alluded to the early Christian symbol called the Chi-rho—named after combining
the first two letters of the Greek word for Christ, ΧΡΙΣΤΟΣ.
Tracing the origin of how the ―O‖ came to represent a hug is more difficult. One possible
explanation is that Jewish immigrants, upon arriving in the U.S., used the symbol in place
of a signature, similar to the way the ―X‖ was used by Christians. Instead of using an ―X, ‖
which invoked Christ—a figure that did not align with Jewish beliefs—illiterate Jewish
people arriving in the U.S. would sign documents with an ―O.‖
Combined with the familiar Christian use of an ―X‖ signifying the oath sealed with a kiss,
the ―O‖ was likely then adapted to mean hugs as an equal representation in the sincerity
of the sentiment on notes, letters, or even e-mails.
为什么“XOXO”表示“亲吻和拥抱”？
发布时间：2012-12-19
文章出自：译言
原文链接：点击查看
作者：Sean Hutchinson - 2012 年 12 月 17 日上午 9:30
不管您是 写信或邮件时结尾，还是在《绯闻女孩》每一集结束时看到，您都知道―XOXO‖
是表示―亲吻和拥抱 ‖的短语。但为什么这两个不起眼的字母会表示亲吻和拥抱呢？
一种解释是，―X‖表示正 在亲吻的双嘴，而―O‖则代表拥抱在一起的两对手臂。这种表情符
号式的解释说得通，但真正的原因更 可能是来自宗教历史。
中世纪时，很多人不会读不会写，所以他们在签署重要文件时会使用―X‖，这里的 X 既
简单易写又 表示基督教十字架。然后签署人会亲吻―X‖，表明他的真心诚意以及文件内容的
真实性。这跟基督教徒 亲吻《圣经》以表达他们对基督的信仰几乎是一样的。除了表示实际
的十字架，―X‖在早期基督教符号 中被称为 Chi-rho，其得名是合并希腊语中表示基督的单
词ΧΡΙΣΤΟΣ的前两个字母。
追溯为何―O‖表示拥抱更困难。一种解释是，与基督教徒使用―X‖类似，犹太移民来到美国
后使用该符号签名。不会读写的犹太人不用―X‖，是因为 X 会让人想到基督，而基督与犹太
人的信仰不一致。所以他们签署文件时用―O‖。
就像基督教徒用―X‖加亲吻起誓，―O‖随后也被用来表示拥抱，其在记录、信件、甚至电子
邮件上代 表相同的真心诚意。
Five Keys to Enhancing Your
Emotional Intelligence
发布时间：2012-12-23
文章出自：Psychology_Today
原文链接：点击查看

1. The ability to deal with one's own negative emotions

- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Perhaps no aspect of EQ is more important than our ability to effectively manage our own
negative emotions, so they don't overwhelm us and affect our judgment. In order to
change the way we feel about a situation, we must first change the way we think about it.
Neuro- psychiatrist Dr. Daniel Amen developed an easy to practice exercise called
Therapy - Killing our Automatic Negative Thoughts,
of our negative experiences, and relate to it in such a way as to reduce our negative
emotions. Click on this video link ( /watch?v=7SGDnL1j7lw) to see Dr.
Amen explain ANT Therapy (from 01:04 to the end of the clip, and at the very beginning of
the next sequence).
2. The ability to stay cool under pressure

Most of us experience some level of stress in life. How we handle stressful situations can
make the difference between being assertive versus reactive, and poised versus frazzled.
When under pressure, the most important thing to keep in mind is to keep our cool. Here
are some quick tips:
A. If you feel angry and upset with someone, before you say something you might later
regret, take a deep breath and count slowly to ten. In most circumstances, by the time you
reach ten, you would have figured out a better way of communicating the issue, so that
you can reduce, instead of complicate the problem. If you're still upset after counting to
ten, take a time out if possible, and revisit the issue after you calm down.
B. If you feel nervous and anxious, put cold water on your face and get some fresh air.
Cool temperature can help reduce our anxiety level. Avoid caffeinated beverages which
can stimulate your nervousness.
C. If you feel fearful, depressed, or discouraged, try intense aerobic exercises. Energize
yourself. The way we use our body affects greatly the way we feel. As the saying goes -
motion dictates emotion. As you experience the vitality of your body, your confidence will
also grow.
D. If you feel overwhelmed, confused, stuck, or uninspired, go outdoors and clear your
head. Go into nature and surround yourself in colors of
3. The ability to read social cues

- Anais Nin
People with high EQ are generally more accurate in their ability to perceive and interpret
others' emotional, physical, and verbal expressions. They also know how to communicate
effectively to clarify intentions. Based on the writing of Ronald Adler and Russell Proctor II,
here are a couple of tips to increase the accuracy of reading social cues:
A. When we see an expression from someone that we don't understand fully, come up
with at least two possible interpretations before jumping to conclusion. For example, I may
be tempted to think my friend's not returning my call because he's ignoring me, or I can
consider the possibility that he's been very busy. When we avoid personalizing other
people's behaviors, we can perceive their expressions more objectively. People do what
they do because of them more than because of us. Widening our perspective on the
situation can reduce the possibility of misunderstanding.

- Daniel Amen
B. Seek clarification when needed. If necessary, inquire with the other person for
clarification on why she's behaving the way she does. Ask opened ended questions such
as:
Compare that person's words with body language and behavior to check for congruency.
4. The ability to be assertive and express difficult emotions when necessary

that we take a clear position on where we stand on important emotional issues, and that
we clarify the limits of what is acceptable and tolerable to us in a relationship.
- Harriet Lerner
There are times in all of our lives when it's important to set our boundaries appropriately,
so people know where we stand. These can include exercising our right to disagree
(without being disagreeable), saying
getting what we paid for, and protecting ourselves from duress and harm.
One method to consider when needing to express difficult emotions is the XYZ technique -
I feel X when you do Y in situation Z. Here are some examples:

contributions.




Avoid using sentences that begin with
as
directives put the listener on the defensive, and make them less likely to be open to what
you have to say.
For more tips on how to communicate in difficult relationships, see my articles Are You a
Poor Communicator? How to Improve, and Seven Ways to Say ―No‖ and Keep Good
Relations.
5. The ability to express intimate emotions in close, personal relationships

- Celtic saying
The ability to effectively express and validate tender, loving emotions is essential to
maintaining close personal relationships. In this case,
feelings with someone in an appropriate relationship, in a manner that's nourishing and
constructive, and being able to respond affirmatively when the other person does the
same.
A person's
- Pearl Buck
Psychologist Dr. John Gottman calls the expression of intimate emotions
Bidding can be any method of positive connection between two people desiring a close
relationship. For example:
提高自己情商的五个关键
发布时间：2012-12-23
文章出自：译言
原文链接：点击查看
情商(EQ或EI）可定义为能够理解、管理和有效地表达自己的感受,以及参与并成功地与
别人的交流 。根据《人才智能》的报告，工作场所中90%表现较好的员工具有较高的情商，
而80%表现较差的员 工具有较低的情商。情商在形成、发展、保持和提高个人亲密关系中
绝对必要。跟一生变化不明显的智商 不同，情商能随着学习欲望和成长进化和增长。
下面是可以提高个人情商的五个关键：
1.能够处理自己的负面情感。
―你整天想什么，你就成为什么样的人。‖
——拉尔夫·瓦尔多·爱默生
也许情商的任何方面都不比我们能有效地管理自已负面情感重要，因此它们无法压倒我
们、影响我们的判 断。为了改变我们看待一种情形的方式，我们必须首先改变我们思考方式。
神经精神病医生丹尼尔?阿门 博士创造了一种容易而实用被称为‖ANT法―——赶走我们自动
消极思想。这种疗法能帮助我们检查我 们消极体验的性质，而且以一种减少我们消极情感的
方式体验它。点击这个视频连接 (/watch? v=7SGDnL1j7lw)来观看阿门博
士解释ANT疗法（从01：04到本裁剪结束，接着下集 的开始）
2.在压力下能保持冷静。
―祸从口出，‖——中国谚语。
生活中，我们大多数人都经历某种程度的压力。我们如何处进有压力的情形，可能对区
分自信与活性,准备与疲惫不堪有重要作用。在有压力的情况下，必须牢记的最重要事情就
是保持冷静。 这里有一些高效的提示：
A. 如果你感到愤怒，对某人发火，在说一些你以后可能感到后 悔前，深深地吸一口气，
慢慢地数到十。在大多数情况下，到数到十时，你会想出一种更好交流问题的方 式，因此你
能减少而不是使问题复杂。如果数到十后，你仍然感到怒火，要是有可能的话，抽出一些时< br>间，在你冷静下来后才重新讨论这个问题。
B.如果你感到紧张、焦虑，就自己的脸 溅些冷水，呼吸一些新鲜空气凉爽的温度有助于
减少我们的焦虑程度。避免吃含有能剌激你紧张的咖啡因 饮料。
C.如果你感到害怕,抑郁,或沮丧，。我们使用自己的身体的方式在很大程度影响 我们感受
的方式。俗话说：运动主宰情感。随着你感受自己身体的生命力，自己的自信也会增长。
D.如果你觉得不知所措,困惑、无法摆脱或缺乏创见，走出室外去清醒一下头脑。走进大自然，让自己处于有镇静作用的绿色和蓝色环境中。寻找一个能观全景的景点，向远处观望。
散散步 ，进行深呼吸。清空你的思绪，带回一个全新的视角。
在面对生活挑战，为了寻找更多如何 让你保持强大的方法，请阅读我的章文《克服生活
最艰难问题及弹性的八个关键》以及《如何变得超级效 率——掌控自己时间的十个秘诀》。
3.能看别人暗示
―我们没有如实地看待事物，而是希望它成为自己心中想要的样子。‖
——阿娜伊丝·宁
具有高情商的人通常能更精确地感知和理解他人的情感,身体和口头表达。他们还知道如
何有效地沟通来明确意图。根据罗纳德·阿德勒和罗素学监II的作品，这里有几个增加准确
地看清别 人暗示的方法：
A.当我们看到一个自己并不完全理解的别人表情时，至少提出两种可以的 解释，然后才
作出结论，例如，我可能倾向认为我的朋友回电话，因为他不理我，或者可以认为他可能现
在忘得不开交。当我们避免以个人的观点看待别人人行为时，就能更客观地感知别人的表情。
人 们是因为自己而不是我们去做他们想做的事。开拓我们对这种情况的角度，可以减少可能
的误解。
―别人的消极表情可能仅仅意味着他们迟钝了！‖
——丹尼尔·亚蒙
B.必要时寻求澄清。如要必要的话，询问其他人搞清楚她为什么这样做。问一些一放式
问题：比如：―我只是好奇，你能告诉我为什么......，‖ 但要避免指责和裁决。通过对人们的
语言与肢体语言、行为的比较来检查是否一致。
4.必要时，有自信、能够表达不悦的情感。
―要做这样的人：我们需要自己能够公开地谈 论对我们重要的事情；我们在坚持重要情感
问题上要采取一个明确的立场；我们要澄清在一个关系中我们 能够接受和容忍的限度。―
有时，在我们的所有人生中，我们适当地设置自己的界限很重要 ，因此人们要知道自已
的立场。这些可以包括行使我们不同意的权利（但不愤岔），不感到内疚地说―不 ‖，确定自
己的优先权，获得我们付出的东西以及防备自己受胁迫和伤害。
考虑何 时需要表达不悦情感的一个方法就是XYZ技术——在Z的情况下你做Y时，我感
受到X。这里有一些例 子：
―我坚决认为，基于我对公司的贡献，我应该获是公司的认可。‖
―你指望我帮你超过我的优先权，我感觉不舒服。‖
―你告诉我你会坚持到底，但你半途而废，我感到失望。‖
―当你继续对我们的财经状况采取不当一回事时，我感感到沮丧。‖
―昨天晚餐你取笑我，我感到伤心。‖
句子避免使用―你‖开始、同时避免接着使用指责或 裁决的话，比如：―你是......，‖―你应
该......，‖―你需要......。‖跟着这 样指令性的―你‖语言会让听者处于守势，因而使他们不可能接
受你不得不说的话。
要了解更多有关如何在难处关系中进行沟通的提示，请阅读我的文章《你是一个不善的
沟通者?如何提高 》以及《 七种说―不‖，但能保持良好关系的方法》。
5.能在亲密的人际关系中表达亲密情感。
―我们生活在彼此的庇护之中。‖
——凯尔特谚语
能够有效地表达和确认温柔的关爱情感，对保持亲密个人关系至关重要。在 这种情况下，
有效的‖意味着在一个适当的关系中，以一种滋养和建设性的方式与某人共享亲密情感，而
且能够在别人做同样的事情时能够作出菜定的回应。
―如果一个人的心不对另一个心作出反应，那么其感情就会消失。‖
——珀尔·巴克
心理学家约翰·高特曼博士把亲密情感称为―要求‖。要求可以是两个渴望一个亲密的关系人间的任何积极联系。例如：
口头要求：你过得如何?―,―你感觉如何?―,―我爱 你‖,―我很欣赏你‖,―我们这样谈话时，我喜欢，
―我高头我们一起度过这个时光，‖―对不起。‖
肢体语言要求：积极的眼神接触,拥抱,微笑,拍了拍胳膊肘,搂肩膀。
行为要求：提供食物或饮料、一张个性化的卡片、一个体贴的礼物、一个需要支持、移
情清单、参与共同 创建一种更亲密关系的活动。
要了解更多关于爱情和亲密的内容，请阅读《长期关系成功的 七个关键》以及《关于爱
照亮你的一天，不可抗拒但有趣的引述》。
高特曼博士的 研究揭示，亲密、健康的关系每天以多达好几百次大的和小的方式相互投
标价。语言和姿势可能有一百万 种变化。从本质上说，所有的语言都是：―我关心你，‖―我希
望与你发展关系，‖―你在生活中很重要 。‖在保持和发展亲密的个人关系，经常而且坚持不懈
地进行竞标是至关重要的。它是爱情的必需因素。
当某人爱上你时，他们叫你名字的味道都不一样。你知道你可以把自己安心交给他们。‖
——正如网络上报道的一样，四岁的比利对爱的定义。
揭秘新年礼物攻略
来源：21世纪英语 日期：2012-12-24 阅读 2895 次 作者: 评论 0条 划词已启用 进入论坛 投
稿
爱思英语编者按：岁末迎新，你是否为了挑选新年礼物而伤透脑筋(beat one's brains
out)？送什么才能兼顾心意和新意？送礼又有哪些讲究？一起来学习一下吧！
Giving: risky business
揭秘新年礼物攻略
Another year has almost passed. New Year is not only about endless
partying, it’s also the time we all prepare to put some thought (and money) into
choosing the perfect gift for our friends, and hope that they will appreciate it. 又值岁末。新年不仅仅是个无休止的派对时间，也是一个礼物选购季——我们花费思、掏腰
包为朋友 们挑选完美礼物，并希望他们喜欢。

Giving gifts can be risky. Not everyone likes everything, and some people
are very vocal about expressing their dislike. Relationships, especially new ones,
are particularly fraught with gift-giving difficulties because you haven’t reached
a point of mutual directness in terms of what you dislike about each other.
送礼可能是件冒险的事。并非每个人都不挑剔 ，有些人会喋喋不休地表达自己的不满。情侣
们，尤其是那些刚刚牵手的情侣，挑选礼物对他们而言尤为 棘手，因为你们的关系还没有熟
到可以直接表达不满。

So, how do you give gifts the right way? There’s some science to it, Sumathi
Reddy wrote in The Wall Street Journal, and it may help you be a more
successful giver of gifts. Here are some relevant points to consider:
那么你如何才能选对礼物呢？这里面大 有学问。苏马蒂?雷迪在《华尔街日报》的文章中道
出了一些送礼的学问，可能有助于你变身为―送礼达 人‖。下面是一些送礼时可供参考的要点：

Re-gift without guilt
转送礼物，无需内疚

According to a recent study published in Psychological Science, the original gift
giver is less likely to be offended by your thankless re-gifting than you might
think. If you have a pile of gifts you hate, go ahead and get rid of them.
《心理科学》最新刊登的一项研究显 示，最初的送礼人并不会像你想的那样，因为你这种看
似辜负他人心意的转送行为而生气。如果你想借机 ―处理‖掉那些你不喜欢的礼物，大胆去送
吧。

The original gift giver might not be angry, or at least less than you’d think. ―The
reason people weren’t overly bothered when their gifts were later re- gifted was
because they generally believed the recipient was free to decide what to do with
an item,‖ Reddy wrote.
最初送礼物的人可能并不生气，或者至少不 像你想的那般生气。雷迪写道：―人们并不会特
别介意自己送出的礼物被转送，因为他们普遍认为收礼者 有权决定如何利用这些礼物。‖

The thought doesn’t count
关键不在心意

It’s actually the gift that counts, and not the thought behind it, according to the
study. ―The benefit of a thoughtful gift actually accrues mainly to the giver, who
derives a feeling of closeness to the other person,‖ columnist Jen Doll wrote in
the Atlantic Wire.
该项研究显示，关键不在于送礼者的心意，而在于礼物本身。《大西洋 线报》的专栏作家珍?
多尔写道：―一份花尽心思的礼物，主要受益者则是送礼者，他们因此觉得和他人 之间更加
亲密。‖

Doesn’t that turn the tables nicely? Those people adamant about giving
thoughtful gifts are just selfish jerks, while the rest of us materialists are
gift-giving the right way. ―In fact, thoughtfulness only seemed to count when a
friend gives a gift that is disliked,‖ Reddy explained. The thought and the gift
both being bad seems the key scenario to avoid here.
是否感觉局面巧妙地出现扭转？那些执着于送心意 的人是自私的傻瓜，而其他实用享乐主义
者却送对了礼物。雷迪解释说，―实际上，只有在朋友给你一件 你不喜欢的礼物时，你才会
体谅他的心意。‖礼物不周同时心意又不到似乎是送礼的头号禁忌。

Money can’t buy happiness
金钱买不来快乐

Well, this is obvious, especially for a New Year’s gift. If you overspend on a New
Year’s gift, close friends and family members will say: ―Why not wait until my
birthday for such a big gift?‖ And if you buy an expensive gift for a new friend,
they might just feel pressured.
好吧，这一点显而易见，尤其对于新年礼物而言。如果你在新年礼物上砸下血本 ，好友和家
人可能会说：―这种大礼，应该等到我过生日时再送嘛。‖如果你给一个新朋友买了件大礼，
他们可能只是会觉得很有压力。

What’s more, just because you spend a lot of money on a gift doesn’t mean
people are going to like it more, or like it at all. So don’t bother spending a lot of
money–unless someone explicitly asks you to. < br>此外，你在礼物上花了许多钱，这并不意味着人们就会更喜欢它，或者完全买你的账。因此，
不要 花大价钱来买礼物，除非有人明确要求你这样做。

Give people what they actually ask for
投其所好

One might think there is no need for scientists to prove this, but they have, and
so we thank them. ―People are more appreciative when they receive a gift they
have explicitly requested‖, said a study published last year in the Journal of
Experimental Social Psychology.
你可能以为科学家没必 要去验证这一点，但是他们的确这样做了，我们应当感谢他们。去年
刊登在《实验社会心理学期刊》的一 份研究报告显示：―人们收到之前明确表示过想要的礼
物时，会更感动‖。

Well, what’d you know? When your best friend asked for an iPod you should
have given them the Apple product and not the cheap copy that broke
immediately.
好吧，你现在知道了？当你最好的朋友想要iPod 时，你就应该给他们买苹果的iPod，而不
是易坏的山寨货。
As long as the world is turning, you’re going to be dizzy and you’re
going to make mistakes. And that’s okay. Your past mistakes can teach
you what you need to know to create a wonderful future.

只要世界照常运转，你就有晕晕乎乎的时候，就会犯错。没关系，过去的错误会
教你 如何创造美好的未来。
Here are twelve big mistakes you (likely) made this year and what you need
to know going forward.
下面是你今年可能犯的12大错误，还有你需要了解的接下来该怎么做：

1. You didn’t accept enough risk.
1. 没有接受足够的风险。
Living is risky business. Every decision, every interaction, every step,
every time you get out of bed in the morning, you take a risk. To truly
live is to know you’re getting up and taking that risk. To not get out
of bed, clutching to illusions of safety, is to die slowly without ever
having truly lived. Be a little risky and realize the full potential of
your life.
活着是需要冒险的。你做出的每个决定、每次互动、每个步骤、你每天早晨起床
的 时候，都在冒险。要想真正的生活，就要迎面面对风险。不想起床，紧紧抓住
那幻想中的安全，这样会慢 慢死去而不会体验到真正的生活。冒点儿险，充分发
挥生活的潜力。

2. You gave in to your fears and negativity.
2. 在恐惧和负面情绪前却步。
The reality is we all get afraid. It’s not about being afraid but what
you do when you feel that way. When you feel doubt, or fear, or anger,
or frustration, know that you can let it go just as surely as you can pull
your hand away from a flame. Keep your life focused on the goodness, on
the possibilities and on your most treasured dreams. What begins in your
mind ends up in your life. Think continually of the way you would like
to be, let these thoughts drive your actions, and your reality will
reliably catch up to your thinking.
现实是我们都会害怕。害怕没关系，重要的是当你害怕时你会做什么。当你觉得< br>怀疑、害怕、愤怒或沮丧时， 告诉自己你可以把这些情绪释放掉，就像你可以
把手从火焰边抽回 一样。多关注生活中美好的事物、机遇以及最珍视的梦想。有
所想才会有所得。经常想一下你想变成什么 样子， 让思想驱动行为，现实会跟
上你的想法。

3. You let uncertainty paralyze you.
3. 不确定性将你击溃。
As time goes on, you’ll understand: what lasts, lasts; what doesn’t,
doesn’t. Time solves most things, and what time can’t solve, you’ll
learn to solve yourself. Sometimes you’ll not be able to see where you
are going in life, clearly. But know that your soul’s inner GPS will guide
you home. You will find that you will be the right person, at the right
place, at the right time, doing the right thing on point. Trust your
intuition. Relax. You know what to do. 随着时间的流逝，你会明白：命里有时终须有，命里无时莫强求。时间会解决大
部分问题，剩下的时 间解决不了，你要学着自己去解决。有时你无法看清生活的
方向，但是你灵魂深处的导航会指引你回家。 你会发现你就是那个对的人，在正
确的时间、正确的地点做正确的事情。相信自己的直觉。放松。你会知 道该做什
么。

4. You did what everyone else wanted you to do.

4. 你做了别人想让你做的事。
Life is too short to spend all your time trying to make everyone else happy.
Besides, it’s impossible to please everyone all the time. Make choices
that take your mind, body, and soul into consideration. You are the only
person who knows what’s best for you. It’s impossible for anyone else
to know. No matter how much you share with them, they are not connected
to your deepest desires, intuition, or hopes and dreams. Always, ALWAYS
listen to yourself and what you want first.
人生苦短，不要把你的时间 都用来取悦别人。另外，你也不可能一直让所有人都
高兴。做决定时想想自己的思想、身体和灵魂。只有 你自己才知道如何做对你来
说是最好的。别人不可能知道。无论你和他们分享了多少，他们都不可能触及 到
你最深处的愿望、直觉、希望和梦想。一定要听从自己的内心，想想自己想要什
么。

5. You were far busier than you were productive.
5. 工作忙碌但效率低。
All work is not created equal. Try working with mindful awareness of the
type of work you’re doing and how it’s helping (or limiting) your
progress. Focus on the reason for doing what you’re doing, the deepest
reason you can find within yourself. This steady self-awareness will keep
you focused as long as necessary on the right activities that bring you