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速滑刀Love-and-Loving-Relationships英汉双语[完美版]

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2021-01-21 18:03
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2021年1月21日发(作者:求导数)

Unit4

The following text is extracted from Marriages and Families by Nijole
V
Benokraitis.
The
book
has
been
used
as
a
text
book
for
sociology
courses
and women studies in a number of universities in the United States. It
highlights important contemporary changes in society and the family and
explores the choices that are available to family members, as well as
the
constraints
that
many
of
us
do
not
recognize.
It
examines
the
diversity
of
American
families
today,
using
cross-cultural
and
multicultural
comparisons
to
encourage
creative
thinking
about
the
many
critical
issues
that confront the family of the twenty fist century.


Love and Loving Relationships
Nijole V. Benokraitis


1.

Love-as
both
an
emotion
and
a
behavior-is
essential
for
human
survival-
The
family
is
usually
our
earliest
and
most
important
source
of love and emotional support. Babies and children deprived of love
have been known to develop a wide variety of problems- for example,
depression, headaches, physiological impairments, and neurotic and
psychosomatic
difficulties-
that
sometimes
last
a
lifetime.
In
contrast,
infants
who
are
loved
and
cuddled
typically
gain
more
weight,
cry less, and smile more. By five years of age, they have been found
to
have
significantly
higher
IQs
and
to
score
higher
on
language
tests.


2.

Much research shows that the quality of care infants receive affects
how they later get along with friends, how well they do in school,
how
they
react
to
new
and
possibly
stressful
situations,
and
how
they
form and maintain loving relationships as adults. It is for these
reasons
that
people's
early
intimate
relationships
within
their
family
of
origin
are
so
critical.
Children
who
are
raised
in
impersonal
environments (orphanage, some foster homes, or unloving families)
show
emotional
and
social
underdevelopment,
language
and
motor
skills
retardation, and mental health problems.


3.

Love for oneself, or self-love, is also essential for our social and
emotional development. Actress Mae West once said,
another person the way I loved myself.
may
seem
self-centered,
it's
actually
quite
insightful
Social
scientists
describe
self-love
as
an
important
oasis
for
self-
esteem.
Among
other
things,
people
who
like
themselves
are
more
open
to
criticism and less demanding of others. Fromm (1956) saw self-love
as a necessary prerequisite for loving others. People who don't like


themselves
may
not
be
able
to
return
love
but
may
constancy
seek
love
relationships to bolster their own poor self-images. But just what
is love What brings people together

4.

-

5.

Love is an elusive concept. We have all experienced love and feel
we know what it is; however, when asked what love is, people give
a
variety
of
answers.
According
to
a
nine-
year-old
boy,
for
example,

is
like
an
avalanche
where
you
have
to
run
for
your
life.
What
we
mean
by
love
depends
on
whether
we
are
talking
about
love
for
family
members, friends, or lovers. Love has been a source of inspiration,
wry witticisms, and even political action for many centuries.


6.

Love has many dimensions. It can be romantic, exciting, obsessive,
and irrational- It can also be platonic, calming, altruistic, and
sensible.
Many
researchers
feel
that
love
defies
a
single
definition
because
it
varies
in
degree
and
intensity
and
across
social
contexts.
At
the
very
least,
three
elements
are
necessary
for
a
loving
relationship: (1) a willingness to please and accommodate the other
person,
even
if
this
involves
compromise
and
sacrifice;
(2)
an
acceptance of the other person's faults and shortcomings; and (3)
as
much
concern
about
the
loved
one's
welfare
as
one's
own.
And,
people
who
say
they
are

love
emphasize
caring,
intimacy,
and
commitment.


7.

In any type of love, caring about the other person is essential.
Although love may, involve passionate yearning, respect is a more
important
quality.
Respect
is
inherent
in
all
love:

want
the
loved
person to grow and unfold for his own sake, and in his own ways, and
not
for
the
purpose
of
serving
me.
If
respect
and
caring
are
missing,
the relationship is not based on love. Instead, it is an unhealthy
or possessive dependency that limits the lovers' social, emotional,
and intellectual growth.


8.

Love,
especially
long-term
love,
has
nothing
in
common
with
the
images
of love or .frenzied sex that we get from Hollywood, television, and
romance
novels.
Because
of
these
images,
many
people
believe
a
variety
of myths about love. These misconceptions often lead to unrealistic
expectations,
stereotypes,
and
disillusionment.
In
fact,

love
is
closer
to
what
one
author
called

love
(Johnson 1985). This type of love is neither exciting nor thrilling
but is relatively mundane and unromantic. It means paying bills,
putting out the garbage, scrubbing toilet bowls, being up all night
with a sick baby, and performing myriad other ' oatmeal
are not very sexy.




9.

Some partners take turns stirring the oatmeal. Other people seek
relationships
that
offer
candlelit
gourmet
meals
in
a
romantic
setting.
Whether we decide to enter a serious relationship or not, what type
of love brings people together


10.

What
attracts
individuals
to
each
other
in
the
first
place
Many
people
believe that
and that destiny will bring them together. Such beliefs are romantic
but
unrealistic.
Empirical
studies
show
that
cultural
norms
and
values,
not
fate,
bring
people
together
We
will
never
meet
millions
of
potential
lovers
because
they
are

out
by
formal
or
informal
rules
on
partner
eligibility
due
ton
factors
such
as
age,
race,
distance, Social class, religion, sexual orientation, health, or
physical appearance.



11.

Beginning in childhood, parents encourage or limit future romantic
liaisons by selecting certain neighborhoods and schools. In early
adolescence, pear norms influence the adolescent's decisions about
acceptable romantic involvements (
during the preteen years, romantic experiences are cultured in the
sense
that
societal
and
group
practices
and
expectations
shape
romantic experience. Although romance may cross cultural or ethnic
borders,
criticism
and
approval
teach
us what
is
acceptable
romantic
behavior
and
with
whom.
One
might

for
someone,
but
these
yearnings will not lead most of us to
strong cultural or group bans.


12.

Regan and Berscheid (1999) differentiate between lust, desire, and
romantic love. They describe lust as primarily physical rather than
emotional, a condition that maybe conscious or unconscious. Desire,
in contrast, is a psychological in which one wants a relationship
that one doesn't now have, or to engage in an activity in which one
is
not
presently
engaged.
Desire
may
or
may
not
lead
to
romantic
love
(which the authors equate with passionate or erotic low). Regan and
Berscheid
suggest
that
desire
is
an
essential
ingredient
for
initiating and maintaining romantic love. If desire disappears, a
person
is
no
longer
said
to
be
in
a
state
of
romantic
love.
Once
desire
diminishes,
disappointed
lovers
may
wonder
where
the

in
their
relationship has gone and may reminisce regretfully (and longingly)
about


13.

One should not conclude, however, that desire always culminates in
physical
intimacy
or
that
desire
is
the
same
as
romantic
love.
Married

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