车站路21世纪英语报双语新闻

2021年1月22日发(作者：汉英翻译器)

女性读者向我问得最多的问题是
──
如何
能既拥有成功的事业又拥 有幸福的家
庭？她们中的很多人已经在事业上获得
成功了，
她们实际上要问的是如何同 时获
得一个幸福的家庭。

Here's the #1 question I get from women
readers: How can I have a successful
career and a happy family? Many of

these readers already are successful in
their careers. What they're really asking
is how to also have a happy family.
This is a very new question for us. For
centuries, women's careers were our
family. Our career was 'caregiver.' We
lived to please our fathers, our husbands,
received a lifetime guarantee of stability
and security.
But today that bargain has vanished.
We're still doing our part by serving our
families. But for many if not most,

marriage now is a source of deep
insecurity.
对我们女性而言，这是一个非常新 的问
题。许多世纪以来，女人的职业就是
“
照
顾家人
”
。我 们活着是为了取悦父亲、丈
夫以及儿子。
我们为他人服务，
获得的回
报是一生 安稳的保障。


our sons. In return for our service, we
然而，这种
“
交易
”
如今已经消失。虽然 我
们依然在履行照顾家人的职责，
但对许多
人来说
（如果不是大多数人的话） ，
婚姻
正成为巨大的不安全感的来源。

大多数年轻人的婚姻如今以离婚告终


Most young marriages now end in divorce
在步入婚姻殿堂时，没有人会抱着这种
想法
──“
有一天我们会厌恶对方
”
，但这
正是中国大多数
80
后一代的经历。
根据
民政部的统计，
2005
年时，< br>80
后的离婚
率就已经达到了
57%
。

No one enters a marriage thinking,
'Someday we'll hate each other,' but that's
been precisely the experience of most of
China's born- post-1980 generation. The
2005, the divorce rate for this generation
already had reached 57 percent.
For the first time in Chinese history, a
generation of children now is growing up
in broken households. Women often
suffer greatly during divorce, but at least

we can take charge of our lives and move
on. Our children, on the other hand,
cannot. When divorce occurs, they're
victims in the truest sense.
The impacts on children of divorce can
last a lifetime. I happen to know this
first-hand, since I was born in America in
1969, and it was in the 1970s that divorce
now in China. My generation was the first
to grow up as the children of divorce.

Ministry of Civil Affairs reports that by
中国历史上首次出现了在破碎家庭中长
大的一代儿童。女性 在离婚期间常常遭
受巨大的痛苦，但至少我们可以掌控自
己的生活然后继续向前。然而，我们的
孩子却不能。在离婚事件中，他们才是
真正意义上的受害者。

离婚对孩子的 影响可能会持续一生，我
恰好对此有直接的了解。
我
1969
年在美
国出生，正如中国现在的情况一样，上
世纪
70
年代正是离婚潮首次在美国爆发
之时。我们那一代人是第一代成长在离
异家庭的孩子。虽然我的父母一直都在
一起生活，但那 些年我还是目睹了父母

first exploded in America as is happening


离异对一些朋友的影响。后来，他们自
己的离婚率 也特别高。许多人长大后不
敢去爱，惧怕生活中的种种可能。

While my own parents stayed together,
over the years I've seen the impact on my
friends of their parents' divorces. Their
own divorce rate is exceptionally high.
Many have grown up afraid to love and
fearful of life's possibilities.
Future generations can suffer such
cascading impacts even when parents
don't divorce but stay together in troubled
marriages. Today, half of American young
adults whose parents stayed together

said they may have been better off if their
parents actually had divorced! What a
heartbreaking situation for parents and
children alike.
Women bear most of the costs and risks

of parenting
Compared with previous generations,
today's husbands are doing much more of
the housework and spending much more
long way to go to achieve equality.
Women still do most of the housework
and childrearing. For most, motherhood
后来的 几代人，即便父母没有离婚而是
维系着问题重重的婚姻，他们也会遭受
这样一连串的影响。如今 ，父母还在一
起的美国年轻人中有一半人声称，要是
他们的父母真的离婚了，他们或许会过得更好。这对父母和孩子来说都是令人
心碎的境况。

女性承担抚养孩子的大部分成本与风险

与以往几代人相比，现在丈夫们做的家
务要多得多，而且也花更多时间和孩子
呆在一起。即便如此，要实现平等依然
还有很长的一段 路要走。

女性依然承担大部分家务和养育孩子的
事情。对大多数女性来说，成为母亲 就
意味著有两份而不是一份全职工作要
做。

因此，
对于那些想兼顾 成功事业与幸福家
庭的女性，若想
“
得到一切
”
，唯一的方法
就是不要凡事都亲自去做。

获得幸福家庭的第一步：与一个你爱他、
他也爱你，< br>而且他也愿意在各个方面都成
为你的伙伴的男人结婚。

不要为了结婚而结婚

不为了结婚而结婚，
意味着你需要反抗来
自社 会层面的催婚压力。
当你没有男朋友
时，
别人会问
“
你怎么没有男朋 友？
”
如果
你有男朋友，他们会问
“
你打算什么时候
结婚？
”
当你已经结婚了，
他们又会问
“
你
打算什么时候要孩子？
”



time with the kids. And yet we still have a

means we get two full-time jobs rather
than one.
So, to women who want both a
successful career and a happy family:

The only way to 'have it all' is not to try to
do it all yourself.
Step #1 to achieving a happy family:
Marry a man you love, who loves you,

who is committed to being your partner,
in all aspects of your lives.

Do not marry just to marry
This means that you'll need to push back
against society's pressure to hurry up
and marry just anyone. When you don't

have a boyfriend, they ask 'Why don't you
have a boyfriend?' When you have a
boyfriend, they ask 'When are you getting

married?' When you do get married, it's
'When are you having babies?'

我见过一些朋友 因为正确的原因而结婚，
也见过朋友在到了她们认为应当结婚的
年龄时，
便随便与关系 最亲近的男人结了
婚。

“
剩女
”
的标签对女性生活造成了
巨大的伤害，它催促我们为了结
婚而结婚。这不可避免地打造了
一个充满无爱婚姻与婚 外情的社
会，使我们和我们的孩子陷入经
济、情感和心理上都不安全的生
活状态。
为中国男人辩护

我曾参加北京电视台的一档节目，当时
一名富有魅力 的
40
多岁中国男人批评
我的家庭观不切实际，不是中国式的观
点。
他解释说，
因为
40
多岁的中国男人
只喜欢把他们视为偶像的
20< br>多岁的女
孩。

我对他的评判并不认同。相反，我与一
些中国男性的谈 话让我对中国男性与女
性的未来充满乐观。

I've seen friends marry for the right
reasons, and I've seen friends marry the
nearest guy when their alarm clock goes
married.
In this way, the leftover-woman stigma wreaks
havoc with women's lives. It hurries us into
marriage- for-the-sake-of-marriage. The
inevitable result is a society full of loveless
and our children into lives of financial,
emotional and spiritual insecurity.

off at the age when they think should be

marriages and extramarital affairs, leading us

In defense of Chinese men
Recently I was on Beijing TV when a
glamorous 40-something Chinese guy
informed me that my views on family are
unrealistic and un-Chinese. Because, he

explained, 40-something Chinese guys
only want 20-something women who will
idolize them.
I disagree with his assessment. To the
contrary, my conversations with Chinese

men make me optimistic about the future
for men and women in China.
While I've met only a small fraction of all
the men in China, the men I've met are
extraordinarily thoughtful and interesting,
and searching for the same things women
虽然 我只遇见过很少的中国男性，但至
少我遇见的这些男性都极有想法，人也
有趣，与女性追寻的是 同样的东西，比
如，美好的生活以及一个与其共享这段
生活的伴侣。至于孩子，则希望他们快< br>乐，为未来生活做好准备。


are. As in: a good life and a wonderful
partner with whom to share that life. And
children, who are happy and
well-prepared for life.
Are there some Chinese men only
interested in being the objects of
women's worship? Sure. But if we as
有没有中国男人只对成为女性的崇拜目
标感兴趣？当然会有。但是，如果女性
要求互相 尊重与合作的话，那么这些男
性最终也不得不做出改变，否则他就会
成为孤家寡人。


women demand mutual respect and
partnership, those men eventually will
have to come around or be left alone.


成为一名猎头


Be a headhunter
Most men are cautious about marriage.
They're afraid of being trapped with the
wrong partner. So today, we have a
system where men do the choosing, and
大多数男人都对婚姻持谨慎态度， 他们
害怕被错误的人生伴侣所困。当今的情
况是，进行选择的是男人，而女人只是
等待 。不过，由于女性承担着婚姻与养
育孩子的大部分风险，我们至少应该像
男人一样谨慎。

women wait, hope, and sometimes,

scheme, to be chosen. But since women
bear most of the risks of marriage and
parenting, we need to be at least as
cautious as men.
Become a headhunter for your Mr. Right.
要用猎头的方式去寻找自己的
Mr.
Right
。这很接近于我的情况，我 已经作
了七年的职业猎头，为跨国企业寻找
CEO
和其他高管。有趣的是，猎头的工< br>作教会了我如何选择自己的
Mr. Right
。


executives for global companies. And the
funny thing is, being a headhunter taught
me how to choose my Mr. Right!
Many career women agonize over every
career choice, and yet sail almost at
random into boyfriend relationships. But
that's an upside-down way to approach
our lives. We're now living through

massive economic change, and that
means that over the years, we'll have
good jobs and bad jobs, good bosses and
horrible bosses, we will work for good
companies and bad companies.
When it comes to our careers, as long as
we're growing every day, we can turn any

career mistake into a learning
experience.
But marriage is a forever decision. The
fact is, for most women today, the major
potentially devastating mistake available

to us the consequences of which can
wreck our lives and the lives of our future
children, is the choice of whom we marry.
This is the most important decision of
your life


This analogy is close to me because for
seven years, I worked as a professional
headhunter, finding CEOs and other top
许多职业女性会为每一个职业选择殚精
竭虑，对于找男朋友却几乎持一种 随意
草率的态度。这种做法是以一种颠倒的
方式对待生活。如今我们正经历巨大的
经济 变革，这意味着我们既会找到好工
作，也有不好的工作，既会碰到好老板，
也会碰到极其讨厌的 老板，我们既会为
优秀的企业工作，也会在一家差公司工
作。

关于我们的事 业，只要我们每天都在成
长，那么我们就可以将任何一个职业错
误转变成一个学习经验。

但是，婚姻是一个永恒的决定。对当今
大多数女性来说，在选择与谁结婚的问
题上 ，
我们会犯可能具有毁灭性的错误，
错误的选择会毁掉我们以及未来孩子们
的生活。< br>
婚姻是你一生当中最重要的决定



因此，
对于 你的职业决定要看淡些，
要把
主要精力放在不要搞砸婚姻这个大决定
上。
现在 ，
你可以选择你的丈夫，
而且你
也必须这么做。

So, relax about your career decisions,
and focus on not bungling the big one.

Now, not only can you choose your man,
but you must.
Every headhunter knows that for any search to
be successful, you need: lots of candidates! < br>每一位猎头都知道，
要想获得成功，
你需要许许多多的候选人。所以，
你要走出 去，
扩大自己的社交圈子，
与很多男性见面并和他们交朋友，
包括那些你认为永远也不 会和他们
约会的男人。

So get out there, expand your social network,
meet and make friends with lots of men,
including those you think you'd never date.

Because becoming friends with lots of
interesting men, and women, is the best way
to access the many candidates you need to
successfully complete the most important
search of your life.
此外 ，做猎头也非常有趣。男性与女性
的思维方式不同，
即使仅仅是作为朋友，
男性也能为 我们带来许多乐趣和新视
角。而且，与很多男性做朋友（大多数
只是普通朋友，一个作为情侣） 也有助
于我们了解自己需要从人生伴侣身上得
到什么。

婚姻是生活当中最重 大的决定，
你要做出
明智的选择。如果你做出了正确的决定，
那么你将给你的孩子带来 或许是最珍贵
的礼物
──
一个温馨、幸福、安稳的家。
他们应该得到这些，< br>你也应该得到，
而且，
你的丈夫也是如此。


Besides, headhunting is fun! Men and
women think differently, and even just as
friends, men can bring us lots of fun and
new perspectives. And befriending lots of

men, most just as friends, some as lovers,
helps hone our headhunting skills, helping
us understand what we need from a life
partner.
Marriage is life's most profound decision.
Choose wisely. When you get this
decision right, you'll be able to give your
children the best possible gift: a family
deserve that, you deserve that, and so
does he.

that's warm, happy and secure. They
Overtime added by smartphones and tablets?
智能手机让人每天加班两小时


Owning a smartphone may not be as smart as you think.
使用智能手机也许并不像你想的那样明智。

They may let you surf the internet, listen to music and snap photos wherever you are...but they
also turn you into a workaholic, it seems.
使用智能手机可以让你随时随地上网、听音乐、拍 照片
……
但也可能让你变成工作狂。

A study suggests that, by giving you access to emails at all times, the all-singing, all-dancing
mobile phone adds as much as two hours to your working day.