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英语短篇幽默小故事
篇一：英语幽默小故事
10
篇
.
英语幽默小故事
10
篇
(
带翻译
)
如下：
Midway
Tactics
Three
competing
store
owners
rented
adjoining
shops
in
a
mall.
Observers waited for mayhem to ensue.
The retailer on the right
put up huge signs saying,
and
Bargains!
store
on
the
left
raised
bigger
signs
proclaiming,
The
owner
in
the
middle
then
prepared
a
large
sign
that
simply
stated,
中间战术
三个互相争生意的商店老板在一条商业街上租用了毗邻的店
铺。
旁观者等着瞧好戏。
右边的零售商挂起了巨大的招牌，
上书：<
/p>
“大
减价
!
”“
特便宜
!
”
左边的商店挂出了更大的招牌，声称：“大砍价
!
”“大折扣
!
”
中间的商人随后准备了一个大招牌，上面只简单地写着：“入
口处”。
Very Pleased to Meet You
During World War II, a lot of young
women in Britain were in the
army. Joan
Phillips was one of them. She worked in a big
camp, and of
course met a lot of men,
officers and soldiers.
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第
1
One
evening
she
met
Captain
Humphreys
at
a
dance.
He
said
to
her,
‘
m going
abroad tomorrow, but I
‘
d be
very happy if we could
write to each
other.
Then his letters
stopped, but she received one from another
officer,
telling her that he had been
wounded and was in a certain army hospital
in England.
Joan
went
there
and
said
to
the
matron,
‘
ve
come
to
visit
Captain
Humphreys.
relatives
are
allowed
to
visit
patients
here,
the matron said.
‘
s
all right,
‘
m his
sister.
‘
m
very
pleased
to
meet
you,
the
matron
said,
‘
m
his
mother!
在第二次世界大战中
，有许多年轻的妇女在军营中服役。琼
.
飞
利浦斯是其中之一。她在一个大军营中工作，当然遇到了许多男士，
包括军官和士兵
。
一天晚上她在舞会上遇到了军官
汉弗雷斯。他对她说，“我明
天就要出国，但如果我们能够相互写信，我会很高兴。”琼
同意了，
于是他们几个月里一直通着信。
后来，他再没有来信。她收到了另一个军官的信，告诉她，他
受伤了，住在英格兰的某个部队医院里。
琼到了医院，她对护士长说，“我来看望军官汉弗雷斯。”
“这里只有亲属可以探望病人。”护士长说。
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第
2
“噢，是的，”琼说，“我是他的妹妹。”
“很高兴认识你，”护士长说，“我是他的母亲。”
Two Soldiers
Two soldiers were in camp. The first
one
‘
s name was George, and
the second one
‘
s
name was Bill. George said,
paper and
an envelope, Bill?
Bill
said,
Then George said,
‘
t got a pen.
and
George
wrote
his
letter.
Then
he
put
it
in
the
envelope
and
said,
to the
door, so George said to him,
am,
George said,
He stopped.
George looked at the envelope of his
letter and answered,
‘
s your
girl-friend
‘
s
address?
军营里有二名士兵，一个叫乔治，一个叫比
尔。乔治问：“比
尔，你有信纸、信封吗
?
”比尔说：“有。”然后把信纸和信封给了
乔治。
乔治又说：“我还没有笔呢。”比尔又把自己的笔给了他。乔
治开始写信。写完后把信放进信封里，又问：
“比尔，你有邮票
吗
?
”
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第
3
比尔给了他一张。
这时比尔站起来，向门口走去。乔治问：“你要出去吗
?
”
比尔说：“是的。”随即打开了门。
乔治说：“请帮我把这封信投进办公室的信箱里，还有
...<
/p>
”他
停住了。
“你还要什么
?
”比尔问。
乔治看着信封说：“你女朋友的地址是
-?
”
Five Months Older
The
Second
World
War
had
begun,
and
John
wanted
to
join
the
army, but he was only 16 years old, and
boys were allowed to join only if
they
were over 18. So when the army doctor examined
him, he said that
he was 18.
But
John
‘
s brother had joined
the army a few days before, and the
same doctor had examined him too. This
doctor remembered the older
boy
‘
s family
name, so when he saw John
‘
s
papers, he was surprised.
your
brother
was
eighteen,
too,
said
the
doctor.
you
twins?
months older than I
am.
大五个月
第二次世界大战开始了，约翰想参军，可他只有十六岁，当时
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第
4
规定男孩到十八岁才能入伍。
所以
军医给他进行体检时，
他说他已经
十八岁了。
< br>
可约翰的哥哥刚入伍没几天，
而且也是这个军医给他做的检查。
这位医生还记得他哥哥的姓。
所以当他看到约翰的表格时，
感到非常
惊奇。
“你多大了
?
”军医问。
“十八，长官。”约翰说。
“可你的哥哥也是十八岁，你们是双胞胎吗
?
”
约翰脸红了，说：“哦，不是，长官，我哥哥比我大五个月。”
West Point
My father, brother and I visited West
Point to see a football game
between
Army and Boston College. Taking a stroll before
kickoff, we met
many
cadets
in
neatly
pressed
uniforms.
Several
visting
fans
asked
the
recruits if they would pose for
photographs,
expect if he should attend
West Point.
One
middle-aged
couple
approached
a
very
attractive
female
cadet and asked her to pose for a
picture. They explained,
show our son
what he missed by not coming to West
Point.
父亲、哥哥和我到西点军校去观看一场陆军与波
士顿大学之间
的橄榄球赛。开始之前，我们到处转了转，碰到许多穿着整齐制服的
学员。几名游客问新兵是否愿意摆出军姿来让他们摄。
“好让我们的<
/p>
儿子知道，如果他到西点军校来学习会得到什么。”
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第
5
<
/p>
一对中年夫妇走近一名非常漂亮的女学员，问她是否愿意摆个
姿势
照相。他们解释说：
“我们想让儿子知道他没来西点军校错过了什么。”
(6)Present for Girlfriend
At a jewelry store, a young
man bought an expensive locket as a
present for his girlfriend.
asked.
The
customer thought for a moment, and then said,
‘
To my one and only
love
‘
. That way, if we ever
break up, I can use it
again.
送给女友的礼物
< br>在一家珠宝店里，一位年轻人买了一个贵重的小金盒作为送给
女友的礼物。“要我
把她的名字刻在上面吗
?
”珠宝商问道。
那名顾客想了一会儿，然后说道：
“不
--
在上面刻‘给我唯一的
爱’
。这样，如果我们闹崩了，我还可以再用到它。”
Be Careful What You Wish For
A couple had been married
for 25 years and were celebrating their
60th birthdays, which fell on the same
day.
During the celebration
a fairy appeared and said that because they
had been such a loving couple for all
25 years, she would give them one
wish
each.
The wife wanted to
travel around the world. The fairy waved her
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第
6
hand, and Boom! She had the tickets in
her hand.
Next, it was the
husband
‘
s turn. He paused
for a moment, then
said shyly,
‘
d like to have a woman 30
years younger than me.
The
fairy picked up her wand, and Boom! He was ninety.
慎重许愿
一对结婚
25
周年的夫妻在庆祝他们六
十岁的生日。
他们恰好在
同一天出生。
庆祝活动中，一位仙女出现了。她说，由于他们是已经结婚<
/p>
25
年的恩爱夫妻，因此她给许给这对夫妻每个人一个愿望。
妻子想周游世界。仙女招了招手。“呯
!
”的一声，她的手中出
现了一张票。
接下来该丈夫许愿了。他犹豫片刻
，害羞地说，“那我想要一
位比我年轻
30
岁的女人。”仙女拾起了魔术棒。“呯
!
”，他变成了
90
岁。
Wood Fire
One
woman
lectured
her
best
friend
on
the
nature
of
the
male
animal.
that
mean,
asked
the
other,
they
make
ashes
of
themselves?
森林之火
一名妇女向她最好的朋友大谈雄性动物的特性：“丈夫们就像
是森林里的火，一不注意，
他们就会燃烧起来。”
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第
7
“那是不是意味着，”另一个问
道，“他们将自己烧成灰烬
?
”
Best Reward
A naval officer fell overboard. He was
rescued by a deck hand. The
officer
asked how he could reward him.
If the other fellows knew
I
‘
d pulled you out,
they
‘
d chuck me
in.
最好的奖赏
一名海军军官从甲板上掉入海中。他被一名甲板水手救起。这
位军官问如何才能酬谢他。
“最好的办法，
长官，
”
这名水手说，
“是
别声张这事。如果其他人知道我救了您，他们
会把我扔下去的。”
Napoleon Was Ill
Jack had gone to the university to
study history, but at the end of
his
first year, his history professor failed him in
his examinations, and he
was told that
he would have to leave the university. However,
his father
decided
that
he
would
go
to
see
the
professor
to
urge
him
to
let
Jack
continue his studies
the following year.
‘
s a good
boy,
‘
s father,
time, I
‘
m sure
he
‘
ll improve a lot next
year and pass the examinations at
the
end of it really well.
no,
that
‘
s
quite
impossible,
replied
the
professor
immediately.
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第
8
died, he
didn
‘
t know!
‘
s father.
I
‘
m afraid we
don
‘
t take any newspaper in
our house, so none of us
even know that
Napoleon was ill.
拿破仑病了
杰克到一所大学去学历史。第一学期结束时，历史课教授没让
他及格。学校让他退学。
然而，杰克的父亲决定去见教授，强烈要求
让杰克继续来年的学业。
“他是个好孩子，”杰克的父亲说：“您要是让他这次
及格，
我相信他明年会有很大进步，学期结束时，他一定会考好的。”
< br>
“不，不，那不可能，”教授马上回答。“你知道吗
?
上个月我
问他拿破仑什么时候死的，
他都不知道。”
“先生，请再给他
一次机会吧。”杰克的父亲说：
“你不知道，
恐怕是因为我们家
没有订报纸。
我们家的人连拿破仑病了都不知道。
”
He Was Only Wrong by
Two
Jack Hawkins was the
football coach at an Amercian college, and
he was always trying to find good
players, but they weren
‘
t
always smart
enought to be accepted by
the college.
One day the
coach brought an excellent young player to the
dean
of the college and asked that the
student be allowed to enter without an
examination.
‘
d
better
ask him a few questions
first.
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第
9
Then
he
turned
to
the
student
and
asked
him
some
very
easy
questions, but the student
didn
‘
t know any of the
answers.
At last the dean
said,
‘
s five times
seven?
The
student
thought
for
a
long
time
and
then
answered,
The dean threw up his hands and looked
at the coach in despair,
but
the
coach
said
earnestly,
please
let
him
in,
sir!
He
was
only
wrong by
two.
他的得数只比正确答案多二
杰克霍金斯是美国一所学院的橄榄球队教练，他竭力想物色好
球员。但是好球员学业不行，院方不愿录取。
有一天，教练带着一位优秀的年轻球员去见院长，希望院方同
意他免试入学。经过一番劝说后院长说：
“那我最好先问问他几
个问
题。”
然后他转向学生，问了几个非常简单的问题。可是那个学生一
个也答不上来。最后院长
说：“那么，五乘七得多少
?
”
学生想了很久，然后回答说：“三十六。”
院长摊开双手失望地看了看教练。可是教练认真地说，“噢，
录取他吧，先生。他的答案只比正确答案多二。”
Real Play
When I
taught the introduction-to-theater course at North
Dakota
State University, I required my
students to attend the university
theater
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第
10
‘
s current production and
write a critique. After viewing a particularly
fine performance, one student wrote:
was actually sitting on my couch at
home, watching it on television.
逼真的戏剧
我在北达科他州立大学教戏剧入门课时，要求学生们去看学校
剧团当时的演出，并写一
篇评论。看了一场极为精彩的演出后，一名
学生写道：
“这部戏
剧是如此逼真，以致于我认为我自己是坐在家里
的沙发上，从电视上看到的。”
A Fine Match
One day a lady saw a mouse
running across her kitchen floor. She
was very afraid of mouse, so she ran
out of the house, got into a bus and
went to the shops. There she bought a
mousetrap. The shopkeeper said
to her,
The lady went home with her
mousetrap, but when she looked in
her
cupboard, she could not find any cheese in it. She
did not want to go
back to the shop,
because it was very late, so she cut a picture of
some
cheese out of a magazine and put
that in the trap.
Surprisingly, the picture of the cheese
was quite successful! When
the lady
came down to the kitchen the next morning she
found a picture
of a mouse in the trap
beside the picture of the cheese!
势均力敌
有一天某位女士看到一只老鼠在自家的厨房地板上窜过。她很
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