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《老友记》
第一季
第一集
（中央咖啡厅）
没什么好说的！他只不过是我的同事
There's nothing to tell. It's just some guy I work
with.
少来了，和你交往的男人…
Come on. You're going out with a guy.
多多少少一定有点问题！
There's gotta be something wrong with him.
他既驼背又戴假发？
So does he have a hump and a hair piece?
等一下，他是不是会吃粉笔？
Wait. Does he eat chalk?
我只是不希望你
重蹈我和卡尔的覆辙
I don't want her to go through what I went through
with Carl. Oh.
各位放轻松，这不算约会
Okay, everybody relax. This is not even a date.
不过是两个人一起出去吃晚餐
而且不上床
It's just two people going out to dinner and not
having sex.
对我来说这就是约会
Sounds like a date to me.
做了个梦，在中学时代
我站在餐厅中央…
I'm back in high school, in the middle of the
cafeteria...
突然发现自己全身赤裸
...and I realize I'm totally naked.
对，没错
我做过那样的梦
Oh, yeah. I've had that dream.
我低头一看，看见有一个…
Then I look down and I realize there is a phone...
在那里
...there.
而不是…
没错
Instead of... That's right!
我没做过那样的梦
没有
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That one,
I've never had. No.
突然，那个响了
All of a sudden, the phone starts to ring.
结果是我妈妈打来的
And it turns out it's my mother.
这非常奇怪
因为她从来都不会打给我！
Which is very, very weird because she never calls
me.
嗨
Hi.
这家伙说〝嗨〞的时候
我却想杀了我自己
This guy says
你还好吧，亲爱的？
Are you okay, sweetie?
我就感觉好像某人伸手进我的喉咙
抓住我的小肠，从我的嘴里拉出来
I feel like someone grabbed my small intestine,
pulled it out of my mouth...
再在我的脖子上打结…
要吃饼干吗？
...and tied it around my neck. Cookie?
卡萝今天搬走了她的东西
Carol moved her stuff out today.
哦
Oh.
我给你拿杯咖啡
Let me get you some coffee. Thanks.
呃
Ew. Unh.
不，不要！
不要清理我的光环！
No. No, don't! Stop cleansing my aura.
不要管我的光环，好吗？
Just leave my aura alone, okay?
我会没事的，好吗？真的
我希望她开心
I'll be fine. All right? Really. I hope she'll be
very happy.
不，你并不希望
是的，我不希望！
No, you don't. No, I don't.
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叫她去死，是她离开了我！
To hell with her. She left me!
你从来都不知道她是女同性恋
And you never knew she was a lesbian.
不知道！行了吧！
No! Okay?
为什么每个人老是要提出来？
Why does everyone keep fixating on that?
她都不知道，我又怎么会知道？
She didn't know. How should I know?
有时候我希望我是女同性恋…
Sometimes I wish I was a lesbian.
我讲得很大声吗？
Did I say that out loud?
没事的，罗斯
你现在感到很痛苦
All right, Ross. Look, you're feeling a lot of
pain right now.
你很生气，很伤心
You're angry. You're hurting.
我能告诉你解决方法是什么吗？
Can I tell you what the answer is?
脱衣舞厅！
Strip joints!
别这样，你单身了！有需求的！
Come on, you're single. Have some hormones.
我不想单身，好吗？
See, but I don't want to be single, okay?
我只想…再次结婚！
I just wanna be married again.
而我只想要一百万美金！
And I just want a million dollars!
瑞秋！
Rachel?
噢，老天爷，摩妮卡
感上帝！
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Oh, God,
Monica! Hi! Thank God!
我刚到你那里去，而你不在
那个拿着大锤子的家伙说
I went to your building and this guy with a hammer
said...
你可能在这里
你真在这里！
...that you might be here, and you are.
你想喝点咖啡吗？
无咖啡因的
Can I get you some coffee? Decaf.
好了，各位，这位是瑞秋
另一个林肯高中的幸存者
Okay, everybody, this is Rachel, another Lincoln
High survivor.
这就是各位
这是钱德、菲比
This is everybody. This is Chandler and Phoebe...
乔伊，还有
你还记得我哥哥罗斯吗？
...and Joey. And remember my brother, Ross?
当然，嘿！
嘿
Sure! Hey.
嗨
天啊
Hi. Oh, God.
那你现在可以告诉我们了吗
还是说我们在等着四位湿漉的伴娘
?
So you wanna tell us now, or are we waiting for
four wet bridesmaids?
好吧，大概在婚礼前半个小时
Oh, God! Well, it started about a half-hour before
the wedding.
我在礼物间里
I was in this room with all the presents...
看着那个肉汁壶
...and I was looking at this gravy boat.
那是个非常好看的肉汁壶
This really gorgeous Limoges gravy boat.
然后，突然…
有代糖吗？
When all of a sudden... Sweet 'N Low?
我发现…
I realized...
我对这个肉汁壶
比对巴瑞更有冲动！
...I was more turned on by this gravy boat than by
Barry.
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然后我吓呆了
然后这个想法突然出现在脑中：
Then I got really freaked out, and that's when it
hit me:
巴瑞看起来多像洋芋头先生啊
How much Barry looks like Mr. Potato Head.
我总是觉得他眼熟，但是…
You know, I mean, I always knew he looked
familiar, but...
总之
我必须离开那里，我在想：
Anyway, I just had to get out of there, and I
started wondering:
〝我为什么这样做，我为谁这样做？〞
我不知道该去哪里
而且我知道我和你有点疏远了
Anyway, I just didn't know where to go, and I know
you and I have drifted apart...
但你是我这个城市里唯一认识的人
...but you're the only person I know in the city.
而且没有受邀参加你的婚礼
Who wasn't invited to the wedding.
噢，我希望你不会把它当一回事…
Oh, I was kind of hoping that wouldn't be an
issue.
我猜他给她买了个管风琴
I'm guessing he bought her the big pipe organ...
而她很不喜欢那个
...and she's really not happy about it.
老爸，我就是无法和他结婚
Daddy, I just... I can't marry him.
对不起
I'm sorry.
我只是不爱他了
I just don't love him.
这对我很有关系！
Well, it matters to me.
她真不应该穿那条裤子
She should not be wearing those pants.
我觉得应该把她推下楼
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I say
push her down the stairs.
把她推下楼…
Push her down the stairs! Push her down the
stairs!
爸爸，听我说！
Come on, Daddy, listen to me!
这就好像在我一生中
所有人都告诉我：〝你是鞋子！〞
It's like all of my life, everyone's always told
me,
〝你是鞋子…〞
You're a shoe! You're a shoe! You're a
shoe!
然后今天，我停下来对自己说：
〝如果我不想成为鞋子呢？
Then today I stopped and said,
如果我想成为一个包包？
What if I wanna be a purse? You know?
或一顶帽子？〞
Or a hat?
不，我不是要你给我买帽子
我是说我是帽子
I don't want you to buy me a hat, I am a hat.
这是个比喻，爸爸！
It's a metaphor, Daddy!
你看得出他哪里听不懂
You can see where he'd have trouble.
爸爸，这是我的生活
Look, Daddy, it's my life.
也许我可以和摩妮卡住在一起
Well, maybe I'll just stay here with Monica.
我猜我们已经确定
她要和摩妮卡住在一起了…
I guess we've established she's staying with
Monica.
也许那是我的决定
Well, maybe that's my decision.
也许我不需要你的钱
Well, maybe I don't need your money.
等等！我说也许！
Wait! Wait! I said maybe!
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呼吸，呼吸
好，就这样
Okay. Just breathe, that's it.
试着想一些让你镇定的事…
Just try to think of nice, calm things.
玫瑰上的雨滴，还有猫的胡须
Raindrops on roses And whiskers on kittens
门铃和雪橇铃，还有手套…
Doorbells and sleigh bells And something with
mittens
啦啦啦，还有一些条状物…
La la la something With string
我现在好多了
I'm all better now.
我帮上忙啦
I helped.
瞧，这也许对你来讲是最好的
知道吗？
Look, this is probably for the best, you know?
独立了，把握自己的生活
Independence. Taking control of your life.
还有，你还需要什么
你可以随时来找乔伊
And, hey, if you need anything, you can always
come to Joey.
我和钱德就住在对面
而且他经常不在
Me and Chandler live right across the hall. And
he's away a lot.
乔伊，不要再对她放电了
今天是她结婚的日子！
Joey, stop hitting on her. It's her wedding day.
怎么啦，难道这还有什么规定吗？
What? Like there's a rule or something?
请不要再按了
那是很恐怖的声音
Please don't do that again. It's a horrible sound.
我是保罗
让他进来！
Uh, it's Paul. Buzz him in.
谁是保罗？
保罗，红酒达人，保罗？
Who's Paul? Paul, the wine guy, Paul?
也许
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Maybe.
等等，你今晚的〝不是真正约会〞
是和红酒达人保罗？
Wait a minute. Your
他终于约你出去啦？
是的！
He finally asked you out? Yes.
真是个可以写入日记的时刻
Ooh. This is a
瑞秋，等等，我可以取消…
Rach, wait, I can cancel.
不用
你去吧，我不会有事的！
Please, no. Go, I'll be fine.
罗斯，你没事吧？
你希望我留下来吗？
Ross, are you okay? I mean, do you want me to
stay?
能留下就太好了…
That'd be good.
真的？
不，去吧！那可是红酒达人保罗耶！
Really? No, go on! It's Paul, the wine guy.
进来，保罗，这是…
Hi, come in. Paul, this is...
大家
各位，这是保罗
...everybody. Everybody, this is Paul.
保罗！红酒达人！
Paul, the wine guy.
红酒达人！
我没听清楚你的名字，是保罗吗？
Wine guy. I didn't catch your name. Paul, was it?
请坐，两秒钟就好
好
Okay. Sit down. Two seconds. Okay.
我刚拔掉四根睫毛不是个好兆头
Ooh, I just pulled out four eyelashes. That can't
be good.
那么瑞秋，你今晚…打算做什么？
So, Rachel, what are you up to tonight?
我本来应该到阿鲁巴度蜜月
Well, I was supposed to be headed for Aruba on my
honeymoon...
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所以，没事做！
...so, nothing.
对呀，你连蜜月都无法去
Right. You're not even getting your honeymoon.
不过，阿鲁巴，这个时候？
God. No, no. Although, Aruba. Heh. This time of
year? Eh.
你可以谈论一下…
Talk about your...
大蜥蜴
...big lizards.
总之
如果今晚你不想自己一个人的话
Anyway, if you don't feel like being alone
tonight...
乔伊和钱德要过来
帮我组装我的新家具
...Joey and Chandler are helping me with my
furniture.
对，而且我们为此感到兴奋
Yes, and we're very excited about it.
了，不过我想今晚
还是留在这里吧
Actually, thanks, but I'm just gonna hang out here
tonight.
今天真是漫长的一天
是呀，好吧
It's been a long day. Oh, sure. Okay. Sure.
菲比，你要来帮忙吗？
Hey, Pheebs, you wanna help?
噢，我希望我能，但是我不想
Oh, I wish I could, but I don't want to.
我应该把支架固定在侧面
I'm supposed to attach a bracket-y thing to the
side things...
用螺纹蜗轮
...using a bunch of these little worm guys.
我没有支架，没有看到螺纹蜗轮
I have no bracket-y thing, I see no worm guys
whatsoever...
而且我的腿麻了
...and I cannot feel my legs.
这是什么？
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What's
this?
我不知道
I have no idea.
搞定书架了！
完工了！
Done with the bookcase. All finished.
这是卡萝最喜欢的啤酒
This was Carol's favorite beer.
她总是直接从罐子喝，我该知道的
She always drank it out of the can. I should have
known.
罗斯，我来问你一个问题
Hey. Ross, let me ask you a question.
她得到家具、音响、超赞的电视…
She got the furniture, the stereo, the good TV.
那你得到了什么？
What did you get?
你们啊
You guys.
天呀
你被耍了
Oh, God. Oh, my God. You got screwed.
我的老天！
我知道，我真是个笨蛋
Oh, my God. I know, I know. I'm such an idiot.
当她一个礼拜见四、五次牙医
我就该知道了
I should've caught on when she went to the dentist
four and five times a week.
谁的牙齿需要这么干净？
I mean, how clean can teeth get?
我哥哥正在克服这种事呢
他真是一团糟
My brother's going through that. He's such a mess.
你是怎么克服的？
How did you get through it?
他可以试着砸烂她的一些贵重的东西
He might try accidentally breaking something
valuable of hers.
比如她的…
腿？
Say her... Leg?
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那样也可以！
Heh. That's one way of going through it, yeah.
我则是砸了她的手表
Me, I went for the watch.
你真的砸了她的手表？
You actually broke her watch? Mm.
巴瑞，对不起，对不起
Barry, I'm sorry. I am so sorry.
我知道你可能认为和那天我对你说
跟你穿袜子做爱有关，但不是的
You probably think it's about making love with
your socks on, but it isn't.
这和我有关，我只是…
It isn't, it's about me. And I...
嘿，机器又把挂断了
不管怎样…
Hi. Machine cut me off again. Anyway...
知道什么最吓人的吗？
如果每个人只有一个女人适合他呢？
You know what's scary? What if there's only one
woman for everybody?
我是说
如果你得到一个女人，就这样
I mean, what if you get one woman, and that's it?
不幸的是，以我的例子来讲
是她…得到一个女人
Unfortunately, in my case, there was only one
woman for her.
你在说什么？
〝一个女人〞？
What are you talking about? One woman.
那就好像你只吃一种口味的冰淇淋
That's like saying there's only one flavor of ice
cream for you.
让我告诉你，罗斯
还有很多种口味
Let me tell you something, Ross. There's lots of
flavors out there.
有碎糖口味、饼干口味
然后还有香草口味
There's rocky road and cookie dough and bing
cherry vanilla.
还可以加糖条、果仁
或者鲜奶油一起吃！
You can get them with jimmies or nuts or whipped
cream.
这是你一生中最棒的时刻了！
This is the best thing that ever happened to you.
你难道是八岁结婚的？
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