家中趣事作文：从阅卷老师角度对2015高考作文的深度解读

2020年11月23日发(作者：宁小娟)
假设你是红星中学高三学生李华。请根据以下四幅图的先后顺序，介绍在“传统
文化进校园”活 动中，向面人艺术家学习捏面人的过程，并以“A Day with a
Craftsman”为题，给校刊“英语角”写一篇英文稿件。
注意： 词数不少于 60。
提示词： 一个面团 a piece of dough
面人 dough figurine

one possible version
Last Tuesday, our class invited an old craftsman to teach us how to make dough
figurines.
When the craftsman came into the classroom, we gave him a warm welcome and
two boys helped him with the tool box. First, he showed us the basic steps and skills
of making dough figurines. We stood around him and watched attentively. Then we
started to have a try ourselves. The old man walked around and helped us patiently.
Finally, we put the figurines we made on the table and took pictures with the old
craftsman. Looking at the figurines, we were all very excited.
We hope we can have more activities of this kind!（111词） 总的来说是考查学生的语言运用能力为主。功能是选拔与激励并重，不能
苛求学生在非母语环境下的 语言运用能力，重点关注学生的优点不能以挑错的
眼光审视学生的作文。 即使是母语也经不起这么挑错。
评卷标准
12-14分 要点齐全细节不充实，笼统。层次不清，逻辑混乱但不能点到图片顺
序。有错误不影响理解。
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15-17分 要点齐全 细节生动 语言地道 过度自然
18-20分 句式多样，词汇丰富，语言优美，内容连贯紧凑，有较强的语言表达
能力
9-11分 漏点，不能清晰地表达要点。语言单调 错误太多影响理解。
6-8分 句子不是句子，也就几个正确句子切所表达内容不贴切。
1-5分 只是重点或相关词语的叠加，没有正确的句子
要点+细节＋过度（时间、连接词、倒装、内容上的连贯等等）
欢迎welcome： 时间，地点，鼓掌applaud， 抬桌子carry，表情
示范show： 过程how to make..，步骤，方法，边示范过程边讲解历史，介绍捏
面人的工具，学生看的表情
实操practice： 老师指导instruct/encourage，学生自己动手，学生间的沟通，聆
听，交流
合影take a photo：和谁，作品的展示， 人物精神，


生动的细节：
We waved our hands to welcome his arrival.
Cheers and applause rose in the classroom. With his fingers moving slowly, a vivid
character was born in front of us. He placed a stick onto it and used tools to make it
lively.
followed by two students, carrying his big tool box.
I stood around him with an keen look….
Fixed my eyes on …and felt as if he were a magician.
With our mouth opening widely, we couldn’t believe in our eyes.
The figurines were so lively that we couldn’t believe our eyes.
With simple tools, he magically shaped a piece of dough into a vivid figurine which
seemed alive.
.
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The lively and cute animal appealed to me so much that we can’t wait to make our
own …
If we hadn’t seen it with our eyes, I couldn’t have believed that a piece of dough
could be shaped into a vivid dough figurine.
A wave of respect mixed with a bit of excitement surged into our heart
Amazed by his brilliant work, …..
When confronted with difficulties , he encouraged us to keep practicing.
Seeing the dough figurines made by ourselves, every corner of my heart was filled
with happiness.
A sense of achievement flooded over my heart.
We took a picture with…….
We gathered around the craftsman and took a photo to memorize the unforgettable
moments.
……in memory of …..
With flashlight flashing, our happiness as well as the love for our traditional culture
was frozen in that piece of photo forever.
Figurine in hand, broad smile across face, we took a photo to freeze the wonderful
moment.
Being patient in doing different things is the key to succeed in ……

段与段之间的连接过度：(连接)
1. Early in the morning, we started the day by…… Having sat in front of us, he
began to show us how to make dough figurines.
2. He sat in front of us, taking out a lot of materials from his secret box.
No sooner had I learned how to …than we began to create our dough figurines.
Then came our show time to make our own …
Moved by his delicate skills, we couldn’t wait to make….
3. Then came the most exciting moment to …… I can’t imagine I could make it, I
was proud of … I treasured . ..
It was time to put what we learned into practice.
So amazed by…., however it is difficult to make one on our own.
4. Happy time flew quickly, it’s time to say good bye. We took a picture to freeze/
store / memorize the meaningful experience.
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The activity came to an end before I could realize it.
We finished the day with a photo-taking to …..
段与段之间的内在衔接(意义连贯)
The moment he stepped into classroom, a ripple of applause ran though the air
expressing a warm welcome , together with our curiosity as well .
Our feverish hunger for a show was soon met. He shaped a dough into a vivid
cartoon characters skillfully.
His skillful movements moved us again and again.
We were all in high spirits, playing…. And making it into our favorite characters.
We wrapped up the activity reluctantly with a photo-taking, holding our hand-
made dough figurine.

We were curious about the big tool box held by two of my classmates…
To my surprise, he opened the box and took out ….it was magical that by his
hands, a piece of dough transformed into a vivid pig in no time…….
Attracted by his vivid character, we could not wait to ….
At the end of class. …
虎头
Last week, a craftsman came to our class to spread traditional culture, which left me a
deep impression
Last week, I spent a day with a craftsman. To be honest, it was one of my best
experiences I never had before.
Last week, we’re honored to invite a well-known craftsman to teach us how to make a
dough figurine, leaving a deep impression on me.
As is known to all, making a dough figurine is an ancient traditional Chinese art.
Nevertheless, it was not until my last experience did I have a better understanding of
Chinese culture.
It’s universally acknowledged that our traditional culture is marvelous. Many a time, I
experienced an unforgettable time, but a day with the craftsman must be one which I
will cherish for good.
豹尾(learn experience benefit thankful express our gratitude to…. Hope that
he would visit…again)按照语言的层级（分词，倒装等）还可继续细化
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