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世外初三英语范文点评
优秀习作
1
上海市世界外国语中学
吴思怡
作文题目
“
Sow
a
habit,
reap
a
destiny.
”
What
do
you
think
of
habits?
What
can
our
habits bring us?
Write a passage of at least 60 words on the topic
“
H
abits”
.
优秀习作
Good habits are foundations on our way to success, while bad ones get in the way
and hold
us back. To begin with, good habits help us work
more efficiently. If we get
into the
habit of tidying up our rooms, we
will find it easy to
obtain the things we
need.
Moreover,
good
habits
leave
others
positive
impressions.
Showing
our
warm
smiles is a
habit which enables us to get along with our
classmates and teachers well.
On the
other hand, bad habits can be destructive. Lots of
people develop lung cancer
just
because
of
their
habits
of
smoking.
As
you
can
see,
habits
really
make
a
difference in our lives.
作文评析
本文开门见山陈述 观点,说理清晰。能运用举例对比等手法使本文观点更具
说服力,
如通过 整理房间、
微笑和吸烟三个习惯的后果正反两方举例,
体现出小
< br>作者思维的宽度和缜密度。
从语言驾驭能力看,本文句式丰富,语言流畅,既善于活用考纲词组如
“
get
into the habit
of
”
,又有如
“
leave others positive impressions
”
等地道的表达,既有
较复杂的主从复合句,又有短小有力的简单句,错落有致,一气呵成。
朱萍
优秀习作
2
上海市世界外国语中学
安琪
作文题目
Your class would like to make time
boxes for people in 2040. You start collecting
things
today
and
put
them
in
the
boxes.
The
people
in
2040
will
be
able
to
compare their life with life
now. You also need to write a letter to the people
in
2040 introducing one thing in the
box.
【
Oxford 9B Unit 2 Writing
】
优秀习作
To the people of 2040,
In the box you can find an energy-saving lightbulb. They all come from 2014. By
holding the little bulb
in your hand, you can sense its smooth,
transparent glass-made
shell,
which
is
of
oval
shape.
Inside
the
shell,
some
metal-made
wires
tangle
with
each
other
in
a
regular
order.
This
is
used
to
enable
electricity
to
pass
through
the
whole bulb to
provide energy. Attach the bulb to a base and then
turn on the switch,
you’ll find the
little bulb lighting up the dark room. Another
characteristic of it is that
it saves
more energy than other kinds of bulbs. So this
lightbulb is “green”.
We hope
this will give you some information about life in
2014.
Yours faithfully,
Angel
作文评析
此篇作文题来自牛津
9B
第二单元课后
Writing
练习,它的内容是向未来
2040
年的人们写一封信,
作文题材是学生平时不
常操练的
说明文。
本文作者选取了节能灯泡作为对象。
在描述过 程中,
她首先对灯泡的外形进行了
细致的描写,从光滑、椭圆型的玻璃外
壳,到内部互相缠绕在一起的金属丝。继
而写到当电流通过,
灯泡会照亮 房屋的功能。
最后还不忘介绍此种灯泡的特殊之
处在于比起其它灯泡,它
“节能环保”的特点。
全文脉络清晰,描写细腻、形象、生动,句式丰
富,语言流畅,衔接自然,结构
紧凑。充分体现了作者的语言表达能力,是一篇很好的说
明文范例。
包琪瑞
优秀习作
3
上海市世界外国语中学
竺铭宁
作文题目
Write
a
passage
of
at
least
60
words
on
the
topic
“The
thing
that
made
me
angry”.
(
以 p>
“
让我生气的事
”
为题写一篇不少于
6 0
个词的短文,标点符号不占格。
)
Use the
following points as a guide:
?
What made you angry?
?
Describe the thing that made you angry in detail.
?
How did you deal with the situation?
(
注意:
短文中不得出现考生的姓名、
班级及其他相关信息,
否则不予评分。 p>
)
优秀习作
There are
few things in life more annoying than being
laughed at. When I failed
to solve the
question on the blackboard and just stood in front
of it without saying a
word, I could
hear those annoying whispers. This really made a
perfectionist like me
get angry. But I
couldn’t let the anger get me out of control.
Instead, I chose to ignore
those ironic
words and focus on the question. In addition,
I decided to
work harder
after school to
get myself improved. Due to all the changes I made, I believe I can
avoid being laughed at in the
future.
作文评析
全文结构清晰,<
/p>
层次分明,
衔接流畅。
本文从内容来看观点新颖、
构 思巧妙,
以
”
being
laughed
at
”
被动语态的结构体现作者 内心的不情愿,紧扣题目中的
angry
。作者侧重对于第二个问题的回 答,以生动、细腻的文笔描写了站在黑板
前的心理活动,
让人读来有生临 其境之感。
而在结尾,
作者不忘传播一丝正能量,
驱赶了
这个作文题可能带来的负面情绪。
本文的内涵和语言都反映出作者的语言
驾驭能力,以开头
”
There are few things
…
more
…
than
… ”
来看,作者有丰富的语
言积淀和极强的语言运用能力,因而全篇行文流
畅,句式丰富,用词精准。本文
值得初三学生学习借鉴。
李婧
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