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(完整word版)(上海中考)初三英语作文范文点评

作者:高考题库网
来源:https://bjmy2z.cn/zuowen
2021-01-03 04:48
tags:初中教育, 中考

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2021年1月3日发(作者:聂华龄)


世外初三英语范文点评



优秀习作

1

上海市世界外国语中学

吴思怡


作文题目


Sow

a

habit,

reap

a

destiny.

What

do

you

think

of

habits?

What

can

our


habits bring us?

Write a passage of at least 60 words on the topic

H

abits”

.


优秀习作


Good habits are foundations on our way to success, while bad ones get in the way


and hold us back. To begin with, good habits help us work more efficiently. If we get


into the habit of tidying up our rooms, we

will find it easy to

obtain the things we


need.

Moreover,

good

habits

leave

others

positive

impressions.

Showing

our

warm


smiles is a habit which enables us to get along with our classmates and teachers well.


On the other hand, bad habits can be destructive. Lots of people develop lung cancer


just

because

of

their

habits

of

smoking.

As

you

can

see,

habits

really

make

a


difference in our lives.


作文评析


本文开门见山陈述 观点,说理清晰。能运用举例对比等手法使本文观点更具


说服力,

如通过 整理房间、

微笑和吸烟三个习惯的后果正反两方举例,

体现出小

< br>作者思维的宽度和缜密度。


从语言驾驭能力看,本文句式丰富,语言流畅,既善于活用考纲词组如

get


into the habit of

,又有如

leave others positive impressions

等地道的表达,既有


较复杂的主从复合句,又有短小有力的简单句,错落有致,一气呵成。










朱萍


优秀习作

2

上海市世界外国语中学

安琪


作文题目


Your class would like to make time boxes for people in 2040. You start collecting


things

today

and

put

them

in

the

boxes.

The

people

in

2040

will

be

able

to


compare their life with life now. You also need to write a letter to the people in


2040 introducing one thing in the box.

Oxford 9B Unit 2 Writing


优秀习作


To the people of 2040,


In the box you can find an energy-saving lightbulb. They all come from 2014. By


holding the little bulb in your hand, you can sense its smooth, transparent glass-made


shell,

which

is

of

oval

shape.

Inside

the

shell,

some

metal-made

wires

tangle

with


each

other

in

a

regular

order.

This

is

used

to

enable

electricity

to

pass

through

the


whole bulb to provide energy. Attach the bulb to a base and then turn on the switch,


you’ll find the little bulb lighting up the dark room. Another characteristic of it is that


it saves more energy than other kinds of bulbs. So this lightbulb is “green”.


We hope this will give you some information about life in 2014.


Yours faithfully,


Angel


作文评析


此篇作文题来自牛津

9B

第二单元课后

Writing

练习,它的内容是向未来

2040


年的人们写一封信,

< p>介绍一件我们这个时代所用的物品。

作文题材是学生平时不


常操练的 说明文。


本文作者选取了节能灯泡作为对象。

在描述过 程中,

她首先对灯泡的外形进行了


细致的描写,从光滑、椭圆型的玻璃外 壳,到内部互相缠绕在一起的金属丝。继


而写到当电流通过,

灯泡会照亮 房屋的功能。

最后还不忘介绍此种灯泡的特殊之


处在于比起其它灯泡,它 “节能环保”的特点。


全文脉络清晰,描写细腻、形象、生动,句式丰 富,语言流畅,衔接自然,结构


紧凑。充分体现了作者的语言表达能力,是一篇很好的说 明文范例。


包琪瑞


优秀习作

3

上海市世界外国语中学

竺铭宁


作文题目


Write

a

passage

of

at

least

60

words

on

the

topic

“The

thing

that

made

me


angry”.


(

让我生气的事

为题写一篇不少于

6 0

个词的短文,标点符号不占格。

)


Use the following points as a guide:


?

What made you angry?


?

Describe the thing that made you angry in detail.


?

How did you deal with the situation?


(

注意:

短文中不得出现考生的姓名、

班级及其他相关信息,

否则不予评分。

)


优秀习作


There are few things in life more annoying than being laughed at. When I failed


to solve the question on the blackboard and just stood in front of it without saying a


word, I could hear those annoying whispers. This really made a perfectionist like me


get angry. But I couldn’t let the anger get me out of control. Instead, I chose to ignore


those ironic words and focus on the question. In addition,

I decided to

work harder


after school to

get myself improved. Due to all the changes I made, I believe I can


avoid being laughed at in the future.


作文评析


全文结构清晰,< /p>

层次分明,

衔接流畅。

本文从内容来看观点新颖、

构 思巧妙,


being

laughed

at

被动语态的结构体现作者 内心的不情愿,紧扣题目中的


angry

。作者侧重对于第二个问题的回 答,以生动、细腻的文笔描写了站在黑板


前的心理活动,

让人读来有生临 其境之感。

而在结尾,

作者不忘传播一丝正能量,


驱赶了 这个作文题可能带来的负面情绪。

本文的内涵和语言都反映出作者的语言


驾驭能力,以开头

There are few things

more

than

… ”

来看,作者有丰富的语


言积淀和极强的语言运用能力,因而全篇行文流 畅,句式丰富,用词精准。本文


值得初三学生学习借鉴。


李婧


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