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大学英语四级作文范文讲评
资料仅供参考
大学英语四级作文范文讲评
作文题目：
“Women in the Modern World”
提纲：
1. Women are playing an increasingly
important part in society
today.____________
2.
With
the
changes
in
their
social
role,
women’s
position
in
the
family
has been
improved as well. ___________________
3. In spite of these changes, the
liberation of women has not been
completely realized.
___________________________
例
1
．
（
2
分段）
Women
are playing an increasingly important part in
society today.
Long age, women only did
something in the kitchen or at home. Now many
of them have serious jobs to serve for
people. What men can do so can
women.
With the changes in their social role,
women’s position in the family
has been
improved as well. Today in the family, the wife
often lots her
husband to do something
at home bat ago, only women did something. Men
are foned of doing something at home.
In spite of these changes, the
liberation of women has not been
completely
realized.
Sometimes,
the
matter,
the
husband
hitting
has
welf,
often
happened.
In
the
factory
the
wonmen
to
as
much
as
the
men,
but
they
are
paid
less
than
the
men.
Some
people
have
not
completely
realized
the
liberation of women.
东方教育点评：条理不清，思路紊乱，大部分句子均有错误，有的甚至影响理
解
。
具体问题剖析：
(1)
缺乏逻辑，东 一句西一句，没有围绕中心论述，如第一段就
没有展开论述妇女社会角色的转变，说得太
笼统而缺乏说服力。
（
2
）用汉语思维 ，句子有明显的汉语痕迹，如“What men can do so can
women.”，应改为“Women can do what men can
do”。